Maybe if I try it this way?
And what about this?
Audio, video recording
my voice, my image, my words
wanting to share (but with whom?)
hours and hours
envisioning my ideal life
with my ideal partner
in this future reality
when I’m finally living the life
I was born to live.
At some point
the magic I lived in my mind
will be magic I’m living in my whole body
At that point
the heavens will open up
and I’ll no longer know my own name
as the oneness takes over.
Sometimes I wonder
how you could go from
I love you
to It’s over.
But that’s exactly what happened,
from one month to the next…
nearly two years later,
I’m still wondering.
I’ve read another book,
The Way of the Superior Man,* by David Deida.
(You told me I read too many books,
but then I think you watch way too much TV.)
I flagged each sentence
that shed light on what went wrong
in our marriage.
I’ll go back and reread what I’ve flagged,
memorize the passages,
so that never again
will I share my heart
with a weak man,
a man who blames his woman
for his shortcomings,
a man who defends his mediocrity
by rescinding his responsibility.
I’ll read every book I can get my hands on
about cultivating a healthy relationship with myself
and healthy relationships with others.
I’m becoming quite an educated woman.
The beauty of my aloneness
is that I get to dream of being
with someone who deserves me,
and I get to cultivate the deep sense of worthiness
that will draw him to me.
I’m still healing from the wounds you inflicted
when you left our marriage in such a cowardly way.
when I’m with a beautiful, strong man
who loves and appreciates my deeply feminine core,
I’ll thank you for giving up,
because I know I was worth so much more.
*I cannot recommend this book highly enough. It resonated so deeply and clarified so much. I’ve never felt so vindicated, seen, heard and understood. Ladies, every one of you, please read this book. Gentlemen, every one of you, please read this book.
why dost thou elude me?
Why, when I need you the most,
do you seem to be in such short supply?
that’s how it is.
While learning how to be patient with life,
you need to be patient with yourself.
Patience with Self
is a sure sign that you’re ready
to be patient with others.
I was feeling disappointed
for not handling a difficult situation
with more grace and skill…
Then a friend reminded me
This is a tough situation,
you’re not supposed to be graceful.
It’s messy…And that’s okay!
thankful for friends who remind me
that it’s okay to be human.
It’s okay to show up as myself.
It’s okay to make mistakes,
and even better to learn from them.
I breathe again,
renewing my commitment to relax
into this process
of just being me.