Tag Archives: exhaustion

I’ll Listen to that One

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When I’ve been pushing and pushing and pushing,

hustling,

going everywhere,

doing everything,

bouncing around like a ping-pong ball,

At some point my body says

Stop.

I’ve reached that point.

My body is saying

Stop. Slow Down. Pause. Rest.

And yet I keep going.

It’s catching up with me.

I feel exhausted.

I want to rest,

but the children need to eat breakfast

and get on the school bus.

I drag myself out of bed;

I’m praying

God be with me. Have mercy. God be with me.

The doomsday prophet in my head says

It will always be like this.

The child in my head says

This isn’t fair.

My body keeps repeating

Stop. Stop. Stop.

It’s getting louder.

And I’m wondering when I’ll get the hang

of single parenting, really.

Some other voice says

Just one day at a time, darling,

just one step at a time.

I think I’ll listen to that voice.

Still More Stuff

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Stuff, stuff and more stuff!
There is no end to the stuff!
Kids’ stuff
My stuff
House stuff
Stuff that was left behind
when he walked away from our life together,
and now I get to sort through all of it.
Years of the content I created as a yoga teacher,
in binders, in bins.
Bins of fabric and yarn.
Art supplies.
Books, books and more books.
Clothes and shoes.
Garden stuff…
Random bits of this and that…
Plus the household stuff.
Is there no end?
I’m am so exhausted.
But there is still more stuff.

Good and Evil

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I began the day in prayer,
turning it over,
asking God for guidance.
I felt good, knowing
everything would be ok.
The morning sun
gilded every leaf on the trees outside my window
and the autumn sky was a powdery blue
so soft it nearly broke my heart.
I moved and moved and moved more stuff
from my old house into my new.
I worked and worked and worked.
By evening my mind was worn,
my temper was hot
and I didn’t want to do one more thing for anybody.
Then I wondered if the struggle between good and evil,
darkness and light,
was really a stuggle between
the fresh mind of a person newly awakened
and the tired mind of a person ready for sleep…

This Wonderful, Simple Day

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The day started
tensely
caught in my head
as I drove my children
down to the city
where the man who was once my husband
lives with the woman he left me for
After droping my kids off
I screamed some things in my car
that I won’t repeat here
in polite company.
I taught two lovely groups of yoga students,
came home, felt
exhausted.
Then a girlfriend invited us out
to spend the afternoon at the pool
with her and her kids.
I really didn’t want to go,
but I forced myself to.
And then…
I spent time with my friend,
watched our children playing,
ate food that was offered to me,
enjoyed the sun,
the perfect day.
Now I’m so tired
but so calm and happy.
And grateful for this wonderful,
simple day.

Made It Through

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Spring was in the air,
so I threw open
all the windows,
rolled up my sleeves,
and got to work.
Load after load of laundry,
sorting through odd bits,
vacuuming,
tidying,
organizing,
cleaning…
so much cleaning.
Kids got home
and we went out,
out to the forest.
We slogged through mud,
over streams
and fallen logs,
slippery stones,
yellow-green moss.
Back home, homework,
dinner, bath,
reading together,
then bed.
I AM SO EXHAUSTED
AND I THINK I MIGHT HATE
SINGLE-PARENTING
THIS IS NOT
WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR
Then I write this
stream of consciousness poem,
and soon I’ll write in my
gratitude journal.
Ahh, I made it through another day.