Swirls of feeling…constantly.
Will the waves ever let up,
will I always be tossed
on this turbulence,
or should I embrace
this intensity and surrender
to the currents moving through me?
Does deeper feeling
mean deeper experience?
Does more darkness
mean more light?
Tears and then laughter.
Rage and then serenity.
I try to hold myself together,
but who is doing the holding,
and who is in danger of falling apart?
I choose sobriety,
and without the buffer of some distraction
the feelings I’d been running from
hit me full force.
Is this my new normal…
and can I handle it?
Playing with the idea
that I don’t have to wait for something external to change
in order to achieve the feeling states I desire.
So I speak them aloud as if they are happening now,
and I feel into these states, one by one.
I feel complete.
I feel happy.
I feel safe.
I feel abundant.
I feel powerful.
I feel confident.
I feel loved.
I feel wanted.
I feel sexy.
I feel inspired.
I feel creative.
I feel welcome.
I feel connected.
I feel happy.
I feel healthy.
I feel grateful.
I feel peaceful.
I feel worthy.
I feel clear.
I feel excited.
I feel free.
As I speak these words aloud
I notice what it feels like
to really embody these states of being.
I end up feeling uplifted, amazed by the shift.
I’ll keep doing this work and I’ll see where it takes me.
Just keep peeling back the layers.
As much as it hurts,
as scary as it is,
keep peeling back
the rage, fear,
anxiety, and sadness.
you’ll start to see the luminous being
waiting for you underneath all those layers.
you’ll come to realize who you really are
and why you’re really here.
Eventually you’ll understand
that the being you’ve uncovered
is the one you’ve been wanting all along.
In today’s prompt we’re asked to create a dream dictionary-esque interpretation of one or more of the words in this list:
I went with “seagull”. I’m a nature girl, and everything else besides “shark” is something manmade, and didn’t really make my heart leap up and want to crank out a poem. But seagulls are beautiful. So I’m going with “seagull”.
If you dream about seagulls, pay attention:
your psyche is speaking to you and
wants to tell you something.
If the seagull is floating on the surface of the water,
you are content to stay on the surface of consciousness.
Maybe it is time to stick your head under
and take a peek at the depths.
If the seagull is flying above the ocean,
you have broken free of limiting emotions.
Enjoy your new freedom!
If the seagull has become caught in a storm,
look for where in your life you might
be ignoring currents of feeling;
if you don’t address them, they will find you
and create noise and chaos until you do.
If the bird is with other seagulls,
you might consider exploring
a way to process your emotions
within a group setting.
If it cries, it’s time to speak up
about your feelings.
And if it’s eating from
a discarded carton of French fries
in a strip mall parking lot,
it’s time to clear away the litter in your life
and give yourself more healthy nourishment.
Today’s prompt encourages us to write about something abstract and personalize it by adding details. As I sit down to write I realize I’m very tired and I wonder if I’ll have the energy to write a poem at all. That’s where I am!
is nine months of living hell
with a husband who gave up.
Fatigue is my 98 pound body,
the thinnest it has been since high school.
Hopelessness is waking up (again)
in the middle of the night
drenched in sweat, wanting sleep.
Grief is realizing
he may never apologize
for destroying what we once were.
Acceptance is setting down the heavy burden
of righteous anger
because peace is more important.
I’m getting a late start to the NaPoWriMo prompts. You could say I’ve been bit distracted of late, you know, what with going through a messy divorce and my husband finally deciding to leave the house and everything. But, better late than never as they say. Today’s prompt is to write a list poem with names we’ve made up. Some examples given were band names, romance novel titles, and ideas for TV cop dramas. I’m going to try out names for unnameable mixtures of emotions that I’ve had to eat and eat and eat because that’s been my reality for nine months. Also, that I haven’t been able to eat much real food for months and that my weight has plummeted makes the food theme even more apropos…
What’s On the Menu
Guilt shame pain blame regret soup with caramelized judgment
Saving self saving grace saving kids special sauce
Resistance depression darkness divorcee’s doubt pudding
Extramarital affair discovery baked with ragey cagey compote
Humor relief lightness super crunchy trail mix
Wanting more wanting out always wanting fizzy punch
Revelation with a twist of salvation salad accompanied by a side of tangy WTF?
Blanket idealism ice cream and
unapologetically innocent optimism pie for dessert
Self-help book junkie dharma debt digestif—scorches and soothes simultaneously
and for the heartburn…
Rollercoaster searching spicy spiral spiritual medicine
in the form of pleasure pills, tranquility tea, and intuition injections.
Baby we ain’t got no brakes,
so buckle up and tie your napkin around your neck.