I take a breath.
This moment is good.
I choose to meet it with gratitude.
Not fighting, but accepting this moment,
choosing how to act, what to say.
Sometimes I’m not ready
for this level of responsibility.
Sometimes I’m full of joy and gratitude
for this opportunity to grow and evolve.
Sometimes I move from
to bubbly happiness
This is what it is to be human,
able to feel so much.
Something beautiful is happening…
I think it might be resilience?
Wisdom gained from experience?
But as I found myself caught
in my monthly darkness today,
instead of falling all the way down
into the dark hole of depression
and believing my life was never good
and never will be good
I remembered that this was a temporary darkness,
and all I had to do was ride it out.
I prayed. I breathed.
I reassured the little girl in me
who was never allowed to feel sad or angry
that I saw her and loved her.
It didn’t change the mood.
it was still awful and dark and sad,
but some part of me knew this was temporary.
What can I call this?
That has a nice ring to it.
I think I’ll call it grace.
I’m turning toward the one within
who has been suffering so long
trying to be good.
Sitting on my cushion,
tapping on the points,*
releasing old stories,
crying tears of old grief,
something waits for me.
Behind the stories,
before the stories,
before the layers were piled on top of me,
there was just this Self,
this essence of being,
open, clear, available to the present moment.
Uncovering that Self,
listening, seeing, and celebrating her,
setting her free to live and love authentically,
this is why I do this work.
It is so worth it.
*I’ve been practicing EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) daily since mid-May. It has gotten me throught the worst moments of terror and anxiety about the future, and grief, shame and regret about the past. It has also helped me to stay sober when I had moments of wanting to numb out with various societally acceptable ways of escaping one’s feelings. Do you practice EFT or have you ever heard of it? There aren’t too many people in my sphere who have. I have found it so helpful that I’m feeing called to share the practice.
When life asks you to change
by pulling the rug out from under you,
when your relationship falls apart,
when your health suddenly fails,
when a source of abundance suddenly dries up,
when nothing makes sense anymore,
to cling to the past is sheer insanity.
At that point, the most lucid response would be
to take a deep breath and feel into the moment,
to see what the moment is asking of you.
The answers are here, now,
in your beating heart,
in leaves stirred by an invisible wind,
in the changing of the seasons,
in the rhythm of your days and nights.
Release the past that is no longer relevant
to the person you are becoming.
Face your future with open arms,
and see what the moment is asking of you.
Whatever you focus on you will experience.
It’s that simple.
Focus on joy, you will be joyful.
Focus on anger, you will be angry.
Focus on depression, you will be depressed.
If you find yourself in a place you don’t want to be,
Ask yourself, “How do I want to feel?”
and think about the conditions
that would evoke that feeling.
Our imaginations can be used
to create or destroy,
to heal or to harm,
to inspire or deflate.
It all comes down to your attention,
and your choice.*
*Just to clarify, I’m not saying it’s easy. In fact, training the mind to focus is one of the most challenging feats a human can perform. But it IS simple. If you choose, you can tune into your power and decide how you want show up in the present moment. If enough people decide that they want to show up as peace, we’ll create a peaceful world.
When you’ve gotten in the habit
of being unhappy
it might take a minute to figure out
how to be happy again.
But happiness is a habit,
just like unhappiness.
Habits are formed bit by bit,
day by day…
Choose to be happy
for just a second longer today
than you were yesterday
and you are headed in the right direction.
I wake up
and something’s different.
I see the sun.
I’m glad to be awake.
I have energy.
I’m excited to start the day.
I make berry salad
for our breakfast;
the kids and I enjoy
these colorful jewels
the earth grew
for our nourishment.
I feel so much love
my heart might burst.
My home is peaceful.
After the kids get on the bus
I come back home.
What is this feeling?
What is different?
And then I realize
I know what this is:
I feel better.