Tag Archives: feelings

Better

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I wake up
and something’s different.
I see the sun.
I’m glad to be awake.
I have energy.
I’m excited to start the day.
I make berry salad
for our breakfast;
the kids and I enjoy
these colorful jewels
the earth grew
for our nourishment.
I feel so much love
my heart might burst.
My home is peaceful.
After the kids get on the bus
I come back home.
What is this feeling?
What is different?
And then I realize
I know what this is:
I feel better.

Regardless of What I’m Doing

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A deep and pervading sense of futility,
like things will always be this way,
like I will always feel this way.
Darkness closing in,
suffocating in my loneliness,
counting the minutes
until I can be useful again
in the two roles I currently have:
mother and yoga teacher.
I can see why,
with these painful feelings,
some people become workaholics.
And, I want to get to the place
where I can celebrate the fact of being,
regardless of what I’m doing
and for whom I’m doing it.

I Came Close

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I spent the day in deep listening,
self-care
laid heart and soul bare
before daring wayfarers
who walk this path with me.
I danced with the trees,
looked up to the sun
reached out to the water
felt down to the earth
breathed in the wind
and out my fears.
I transformed from closed and scared
to fluid and light body
loving song through the forest
at top of lungs fearlessly.
To whomever says heaven
isn’t on earth:
I have something to share…
Today I came close.

At The End Of The Day

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I just want to be a good mother.
I try so hard.
And at the end of the day,
I lose it sometimes.
I lose it with my kids
when I’m tired and they’re tired.
There used to be another adult around
who’d step in
when I couldn’t anymore.
That adult is gone.
When I’m tired and sick
there is no one else to take care of me
but me.
I’m tired of taking care of myself,
tired of being alone.
I want help.
It’s in these moments
that the anger wells up
if I don’t stop it.
I get angry for being thrust into this place
of missing my kids when they’re not here
and overwhelmed when they are.
I’m tired of this mess, this story.
I can do so well for hours and hours.
I can be proud of my mothering,
the balance I manage to find.
But at the end of the day
I’m tired and they’re tired
and sometimes I just lose it.

Choose to Awaken

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There is no losing or winning,
just staying asleep or waking up.
Every time I breathe consciously,
I wake up a little bit more.
I have more available to me in this moment,
more to feel, and see, and touch,
more to embody, embrace and become.
I let the breath move through me.
When I feel a difficult feeling,
I ventilate it, and let it pass through too.
Sometimes I don’t react to the feeling,
I just breathe it.
And I remember
it’s not about losing or winning,
but staying asleep or waking up.
I choose to awaken.

Choose Happiness

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Today,
I choose happiness.
Today,
I’m acting as if—
as if I am successful,
radiant, at peace,
creative, inspired,
abundant, blessed.
I smile for no reason,
I discover smiling feels good.
I sing.
I dance.
I laugh out loud.
I realize I don’t have to wait to be happy;
it’s a choice I make right now within myself,
in spite of the external conditions of my life.
Today,
I’m not waiting for something to happen
in order to be happy.
Today,
I choose happiness,
and it feels wonderful!

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PS There is science behind this. Check out this TED talk by Shawn Achor. He wrote a book called The Happiness Advantage and backs up what he says with research!

My New Normal

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Swirls of feeling…constantly.
Will the waves ever let up,
will I always be tossed
on this turbulence,
or should I embrace
this intensity and surrender
to the currents moving through me?
Does deeper feeling
mean deeper experience?
Does more darkness
mean more light?
Tears and then laughter.
Rage and then serenity.
I try to hold myself together,
but who is doing the holding,
and who is in danger of falling apart?
I choose sobriety,
and without the buffer of some distraction
the feelings I’d been running from
hit me full force.
Is this my new normal…
and can I handle it?