Tag Archives: feelings

Eventually

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Just keep peeling back the layers.
As much as it hurts,
as scary as it is,
keep peeling back
the rage, fear,
betrayal, abandonment,
loss, loneliness,
heartbreak, resentment,
anxiety, and sadness.
Eventually
you’ll start to see the luminous being
waiting for you underneath all those layers.
Eventually
you’ll come to realize who you really are
and why you’re really here.
Eventually you’ll understand
that the being you’ve uncovered
is the one you’ve been wanting all along.

NaPoWriMo 2018, Day 14: Dreaming of Seagulls

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In today’s prompt we’re asked to create a dream dictionary-esque interpretation of one or more of the words in this list:

Teacup

Hammer

Seagull

Ballet slipper

Shark

Wobbly table

Dentist

Rowboat

I went with “seagull”. I’m a nature girl, and everything else besides “shark” is something manmade, and didn’t really make my heart leap up and want to crank out a poem.  But seagulls are beautiful.  So I’m going with “seagull”.

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If you dream about seagulls, pay attention:
your psyche is speaking to you and
wants to tell you something.
If the seagull is floating on the surface of the water,
you are content to stay on the surface of consciousness.
Maybe it is time to stick your head under
and take a peek at the depths.
If the seagull is flying above the ocean,
you have broken free of limiting emotions.
Enjoy your new freedom!
If the seagull has become caught in a storm,
look for where in your life you might
be ignoring currents of feeling;
if you don’t address them, they will find you
and create noise and chaos until you do.
If the bird is with other seagulls,
you might consider exploring
a way to process your emotions
within a group setting.
If it cries, it’s time to speak up
about your feelings.
And if it’s eating from
a discarded carton of French fries
in a strip mall parking lot,
it’s time to clear away the litter in your life
and give yourself more healthy nourishment.
Squawk! Squawk!

 

NaPoWriMo 2018 Day 4: Peace Is More Important

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Today’s prompt encourages us to write about something abstract and personalize it by adding details. As I sit down to write I realize I’m very tired and I wonder if I’ll have the energy to write a poem at all.  That’s where I am!

Exhaustion
is nine months of living hell
with a husband who gave up.
Fatigue is my 98 pound body,
the thinnest it has been since high school.
Hopelessness is waking up (again)
in the middle of the night
drenched in sweat, wanting sleep.
Grief is realizing
he may never apologize
for destroying what we once were.
Acceptance is setting down the heavy burden
of righteous anger
because peace is more important.

NaPoWriMo 2018 Day 3: What’s On the Menu

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I’m getting a late start to the NaPoWriMo prompts.  You could say I’ve been bit distracted of late, you know, what with going through a messy divorce and my husband finally deciding to leave the house and everything. But, better late than never as they say.  Today’s prompt is to write a list poem with names we’ve made up. Some examples given were band names, romance novel titles, and ideas for TV cop dramas.  I’m going to try out names for unnameable mixtures of emotions that I’ve had to eat and eat and eat because that’s been my reality for nine months.  Also, that I haven’t been able to eat much real food for months and that my weight has plummeted makes the food theme even more apropos…

What’s On the Menu

Hopeless-weariness-grief sandwich
Guilt shame pain blame regret soup with caramelized judgment
Saving self saving grace saving kids special sauce
Resistance depression darkness divorcee’s doubt pudding
Extramarital affair discovery baked with ragey cagey compote
Humor relief lightness super crunchy trail mix
Wanting more wanting out always wanting fizzy punch
Revelation with a twist of salvation salad accompanied by a side of tangy WTF?
Blanket idealism ice cream and
unapologetically innocent optimism pie for dessert
Self-help book junkie dharma debt digestif—scorches and soothes simultaneously
and for the heartburn…
Rollercoaster searching spicy spiral spiritual medicine
in the form of pleasure pills, tranquility tea, and intuition injections.
Baby we ain’t got no brakes,
so buckle up and tie your napkin around your neck.
Who’s hungry?

Not My Problem

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Today I think about forgiveness.
I think about healing.
I remember the phrase
Let go or be dragged.
I pray for the strength to forgive.
I ask about the purpose of this pain.
I wonder what my feelings
want to teach me.
I want it all to change.
I wonder if healing happens
through
not in spite of
the feelings.
I ask for the strength
to allow myself to feel
whatever is arising in this moment.
I wonder if I have the resolve to keep going.
Just who exactly grieves the loss
of the one who never knew or loved the true me?
The logical one is glad he’s done…
he won’t be my problem anymore.

Never Be Done

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Raw. Vulnerable.
Exposed.
Strong. Confident.
At ease.
Grief, then joy.
Exhaustion, then motivation.
Emptiness, then fulfillment.
For so long I thought the goal
was never-ending bliss.
Then I grew up (a little).
Now I see that to be fully human
means to experience
the full range of human emotions.
Each one has a story to tell,
a lesson to impart.
And we are meant to learn
our whole lives.
We will never be done.

I Made It Through

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I have made it through another day.
The anxiety, the sadness,
the worry, the fear,
the questioning,
the deep longing for connection
beyond what I have known,
the hunger,
the anger,
the absolute loneliness,
the exhaustion,
the pain in my neck,
the doubt, the nostalgia—
I made it through all of it.
And there was hope.
There was gratitude,
humor,
some moments of graceful expansion,
clear sight,
beauty.
I took time to care for myself,
to nourish myself,
to feed my heart with the words of poets,
to feed my body with the bounty of the earth.
It was a day I’ll never live again,
unique in all of my days.
And I made it through.