I did it! I taught FOUR yoga classes today, sweet lawd! What amazes me about all of this is that when I’m there with the students I am so much in the zone and so energized by the flow that I feel awake even if I’m tired; I feel strong even if moments before I felt weak. Something magical happens when I do this work I love. If you don’t yet have work that you love, I highly recommend you find some. It will make all the difference in the world, my friend, it will make all the difference in the world.
I was exploring creative expression and a lack thereof with my EMDR therapist on Monday. And it came to me suddenly… If I could simply start doodling, just to get the creative ball rolling, eventually the momentum would pick up and I could flow along with it. Right after the session, I went down to my car and took out of my purse a fine point Sharpie and a blank index card and I wrote the word M O M E N T U M and some wavy lines all around it. That evening, I got my watercolors out and worked on two paintings. The next night and the night after that my kids and I drew together. Same for the next morning. That afternoon I worked on a mandala, gel pens on black paper, and it felt good to create, and I realized, yes, momentum is real. If you are feeling creatively blocked friend, just begin something. Just get that ball rolling and you’ll see… MOMENTUM is your friend.
Suddenly I recognized I didn’t have to worry anymore, I didn’t have to struggle anymore, I didn’t have to prove myself to anyone, I didn’t have to fight to survive. Suddenly I realized that peace is here, now. I didn’t have to change anything, fix anything, improve anything, heal anything, forgive anything, understand, analyze, anticipate, modify, regret, like, dislike, or hope for anything. I didn’t have to communicate anything. Suddenly I realized that this moment holds the key to everything and there is nothing lacking. And for the first time I felt free.
Ah, love. Just pause a moment, say nothing. Close your eyes, breathe. Can you feel it? Can you feel your heart beating? Yes. This. This is your power. Feel your power, don’t be afraid, just let it flow through you. You were meant for this.
The path of grace is elusive, like the path of healing, or the path of awakening… You can’t find IT… You must let IT find you. And maybe, could it be that grace and healing and awakening are all intertwined, or better yet, flowing from the same source? What if all those going in search of anything finally recognized that we are all seeking the same thing? What if we all finally took a moment to just sit still, and breathe, and remember the One Source of Everything?
Ah…I have some time and space to myself
and the presence of mind to feel grateful for it.
The autumn wind blows.
I can hear the windchime just outside my door.
Its ringing says, Now. Now. Now. Now.
A part of me wants to check out and go back to sleep.
A part of me wants to stay awake and be productive.
A part of me knows my body is hungry.
A part of me doesn’t want to bother stopping to eat.
What should I do?
The autumn wind blows.
The wind chime keeps ringing Now. Now. Now. Now.
Maybe I’ll just step outside
and let the wind caress my hair, my face.
I don’t need to think about what’s next;
I can flow through this moment
and appreciate what it offers.
When my mind isn’t cluttered with
what I should do,
I can enjoy life being done through me.
The plan was to go to the Renaissance Festival—
my sister, my two children and me.
Then my son got sick and was up all night.
I was up too, cleaning the carpet,
cleaning his face, rubbing his back,
getting him drinks, holding the bin, reassuring him You won’t feel like this forever. You’re going to be just fine.
My sister took my daughter to the festival and we stayed home.
It’s twelve hours later and mercifully he’s sleeping.
I’m awake hoping for a restful night to come.
But then it strikes me… What prayer was answered by my receiving the honor and the privilege of time to take care of my sweet boy in the quiet of our home? What space was created in the space of my care for him and my desire to help him feel better? What experiences will my sister and daughter have without me there to pretend I’m in control? What beautiful experience is yet to blossom in my heart and mind now that I can be grateful no matter what?