Tag Archives: forgiveness

At Least Myself

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I keep asking how I can get myself to a better place
And the inner voice keeps saying
You need to be more fully where you are right now.
It’s so demoralizing to understand concepts like
Self-love, compassion, forgiveness and acceptance
and yet have no idea how to embody them,
no clue how to move from intellectual understanding
to grounded action, authentic experience.
If only I could apply what I have in my head,
I could save the world…
or at least myself.

The Most Potent Medicine

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All of a sudden,
I gave myself permission
to be happy,
to heal.
I decided
to learn how to tolerate
feeling good,
to raise my threshold
for success.
I chose
to stop holding myself back,
making excuses.

I had given myself
the most potent medicine there is:

S E L F L O V E

Ode To My Body

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Dear Body,
I love you.
I’m sorry for taking you for granted.
I know you’ve worked really hard
to keep me alive all these years.
I’m sorry for judging you as inadequate.
I love you.
I am so grateful for all of your sensations
and the wonderful way
all of your systems work together
to maintain radiant health.
I love how elegant you are,
how nimble, how graceful.
I love how you breathe,
how you walk,
how you climb and run and dance.
I love how you rest.
Dear Body,
forgive me for all those times
I didn’t understand
and blamed you for my illness.
I know you are doing the best you can.
You are brave and noble
and I’m glad you’re mine.

Teachable

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It occurred to me
that every second I spend
trying to get him
to give me the money
that is mine by law
is a second I divert my attention
from the mission
of creating my own money
by offering value to the world
doing the things I know how to do best.
I’m choosing to let go.
I was told not to hold my breath
so I’m breathing,
slowly and deeply
and with gratitude
that I can wake up to this moment
knowing nothing
and open to being taught.

A Mind At Home With Itself

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I found out our divorce had been finalized
because a friend sent me a screenshot of your photo:
Veuve Clicquot on your dining room table
and your caption
Divorce never tasted so good.
And I thought to myself,
Ah, but it has.
My divorce tastes better.
It tastes like FREEDOM.

The fanciest champagne in the world
cannot compare with the
sweet, clear taste of freedom.
And the richest man in the world
cannot buy this freedom;
it must be felt
deep inside a mind
at home with itself
in this one moment.

Looking Back…And Forward

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Looking back
on a year of many ups and downs…
Finally, resolution is in sight.
This time last year,
you will still living in this house.
This time last year,
you had just begun a relationship with her.
This time last year,
you were denying it.
This time last year,
I was losing weight,
feeling anxious,
angry at your infidelity,
your dishonesty, your dishonor.
This time last year
I held you responsible for my happiness,
and I had fallen to the depths of despair.
But this time next year,
I see myself happier, healthier than ever before.
This time next year,
I will be standing on my own two feet financially.
Maybe this time next year,
I’ll have a wonderful man in my life,
a man who wants to love me
the way I deserve to be loved.
I won’t make the same mistakes with him
that I made with you.
In the midst of the nightmare
we shared
I learned
that my happiness is within me,
and when I really find it,
no one can take it away,
not even you.
Now it’s time for integration of what I’ve learned,
and space to dream of what is to come.
I’m in a more peaceful place now,
at home in my body, in my heart, in my mind.
I can say “Thank you”—sincerely—
for the lessons you taught me,
and I can wish you well.
May you find wholeness in 2019,
may your heart’s desires be granted.
May you know healing on all levels.
May you be free.

Inside My Heart

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I want to forgive you.
I know my pain is holding me back,
and I know that my sadness
was never your fault.
I gave you too much power.
I wanted you to be my redeemer.
And after a while,
you were no longer my lover,
or my partner, or my best friend.
We fell apart…
and it is no one’s fault.
But how to move forward,
when the pain of loss
burns so brightly, still,
inside my heart?

The Desired Outcome

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What is the desired outcome?
I want to move forward.
Yes, of course, but…
What is the desired outcome?
I want to be self-supporting.
Yes, yes, yes, we know! But…
What is the desired outcome?
Healing from heartache,
forgiving everyone,
creating something wonderful.

Of course that’s what you want, but…
What is the desired outcome?
Um, I don’t know?
Yes you do. C’mon—
what is the desired outcome?

Something Completely New

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And just when I least expected it
my already broken heart
broke even more.
Was there one last
piece of the past
that needed to be pulverized
in order for something new to be born?
Suddenly, it was all broken,
the devastation deeper than I ever knew.
I slept fitfully through
yet another long, dark night,
and when the morning light
reached my eyes
there were words of forgiveness on my lips,
a whisper of hope,
a promise of something completely new.

Mediation Meditation

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Mediation tomorrow.
You read that right,
MEDIATION.
As in, if my soon to be ex-husband
and I manage to collaborate tomorrow
we will reach some sort of resolution,
and this part of the saga will be over.
Please pray for me to be clear,
stay open, and breathe.
I want to move forward.
I want this to be over.
So I will bring my meditation
into mediation.
I’ll breathe and pray while I wait.
I’ll breathe and listen
before I answer.
If I can meditate during mediation,
I can meditate anywhere.

Anybody who prays, sends good vibes, visualizes or otherwise believes in the possibility of something existing beyond 3D reality:

Please hold me in your heart and in your thoughts and prayers as much as you can tomorrow, Monday, November 26, 2018, from 10AM EST on. Best prayer:  Lorien, breathe.  Best visualization: Me, my children and my soon to be 
ex-husband happy, healthy, peaceful and at ease, striking a good life balance. Any and all prayers and good vibes are welcome. Thank you in advance!