Tag Archives: freedom

It Occurred to Me

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It occurred to me
that I was fixating
on what could go wrong
instead of dreaming about
what could go right.
I had been taught to do this,
programmed by those
who had been programmed
by the ones before them,
and on and on and on going
back to my very first ancestors
who were worried about surviving.
It occurred to me
that I didn’t have to live this way any more.
It occurred to me
that I could envision my future
and summon good thoughts and ideas
about the possibilities that lie before me…
It occurred to me
that this way of thinking
was at least equally as valid
as the doomsday thinking I had been taught.
It occurred to me
that I have a choice.
It occurred to me to make the choice
to feel good inside myself
no matter what the external conditions of my life.
It occurred to me that happiness is within.
Love is within.
Abundance is within.
Health is within.
Connection is within.
Spirit is within.
It occurred to me that I am free.
I’m so grateful for all of these occurrences.

I Got A Haircut!

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I was married to a hairdresser,
and in June 2017
he told me he would no longer cut my hair.
(Or sleep in the same bed.
Or share our life, our finances, our time.)
I’ve been sleeping alone since then,
and have fought mightily
to stay committed to this plane of existence,
and I have progressed by leaps and bounds
since June 2017, when I was
a messy slobbering puddle on the floor
grieving my life before it was blown apart.
As time passed
I discovered that I enjoyed sleeping alone,
and I felt more committed to
staying on this plane of existence,
but I still hadn’t gotten my hair cut.
I had built up the importance
of finding a new hairdresser
to the point of feeling anxious
and overwhelmed at the prospect of choosing.
So I didn’t choose.
I did nothing.
My dear friend gifted me with a hair cut last July
when I visited her in Colorado,
and I was oh so grateful to be neatened up a bit…
but I still hadn’t found
someone else to cut my hair in this town where I live,
until today.
Today I picked up the phone,
dialed the salon nearest my house,
booked the next available appointment,
found my way into a chair just an hour later.
I got a haircut!
I got a haircut!
I got a haircut!
And I am free at last.

I Was Free

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And suddenly,
it was gone.
The need to be right.
The need to be sad.
The need to be angry.
All of it, suddenly, gone.
And what remained?
Space.
Space for this moment,
to welcome all the things
I’ve been telling myself
I really want.
I breathed,
and in came the joy.
I breathed,
and in came the power.
I breathed deeper,
and touched into the love
that was already there.
And I was free.
I was free.
I was free.

Promise You’ll Love Me

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Who do I have to be for you
so that you’ll stop blaming me
and criticizing me for everything
that you perceive is wrong with this picture?
How do I have to act?
What do I have to say?
How do you need me to dress?
To speak?
To write?
What, precisely, do I need to prove?
What task must I perform?
How much money do I need to make?
What do I do too much?
What do I do too little?
How should I style my hair?
Should I wear make-up?
What should I eat?
How much should I weigh?
How many friends should I have?
How often should I contact them?
What kind of car should I drive?
Where should I live?
How should I spend my time?
When should I rest?
When should I work?
Can you give me a list?
Will you promise me
that if can get it right—
you’ll love me?

The Most Potent Medicine

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All of a sudden,
I gave myself permission
to be happy,
to heal.
I decided
to learn how to tolerate
feeling good,
to raise my threshold
for success.
I chose
to stop holding myself back,
making excuses.

I had given myself
the most potent medicine there is:

S E L F L O V E

Deep Conversation

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At what point does one feel ready
to reinvent oneself?
At what point do we become willing
to release the pain imprinted in our DNA
and write a new story for ourselves?
If we identify with our pain
we won’t be willing to let it go,
because its leaving would signify our dying.
But we need to die
to be reborn to eternal life.
If the self isn’t pain,
what is the self?
If the pain died away,
if it dissolved into the nothingness
from which all thoughts come,
who would be there
to witness what remains?
Let me find that witness.
I’m tired of all this surface stuff.
I’m ready for a deep conversation.

Just Now

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Just now,
in this moment,
what problem is there?
No, not the one in your mind,
the one that is being hashed out
a million different ways…
But right now,
in this moment,
what problem is there?
The only problems that exist,
exist only in your mind.
If you zoom out
way out
far out
away from yourself,
you might look in
and see a human,
right here, in this moment,
reading these words.
You might notice,
that in this moment,
just now,
everything really is fine.