Full days of mothering, teaching yoga, fitting in morning meditation and evening gratitude, eating healthy, thinking good thoughts and I realize I’d be bored if I had nothing to do. I’d be depressed if I had nothing to do. So all of this to say… I’m tired but happy.
A gathering of beautiful friends brings me back to a natural rhythm, closer to my true nature, more authentic. Food prepared consciously nourishes our bodies and souls. Sitting with beloveds and sharing a meal attunes us collectively to our shared visions. Moving into a mode of celebration opens our eyes to the abundance that is here now, opens our hearts to the recognition that it is a gift to be alive. I choose to move towards those who are willing to recognize the good in their lives. Those who give thanks are way more fun to be around than those who can’t see any reason to be grateful! I’m glad to be one of the happy ones who chooses to see the good in life. I am blessed to openly celebrate how wonderful it is to be alive.
Halfway through this challenge, and I have to pause to be grateful for gratitude itself. I began a gratitude journaling practice years before my marriage ended, and had made it a habit to focus on what was going well in my marriage, so I was shocked when my husband announced it was over. Turns out he had been doing the opposite, focusing on what I did that annoyed him. Although I pleaded with him to step back and look at the good in our lives, he had made up his mind that I was the worst wife ever and there was nothing I could do about that. I continued to write in my gratitude journal as my life fell apart at the seams. I continued writing in my journal even as the voices in my head told me I’d be better off dead. I continued writing in my journal as I weathered storm after storm after storm. I have learned perseverance, strength, discipline, will, resilience. I have learned how to put things into perspective. I have learned that I don’t need a man to feel worthy— I am worthy because I exist. I survived. And I attribute a large part of my success to the mindset I developed while practicing gratitude. Thank you gratitude!
I’m a writer, have been since elementary school. I’m grateful I can wield my pen and my words and my voice intentionally, and share what’s going on with me in a way that engages others to share their stories with me. I’m grateful I was taught to read and write. I’m grateful I can create worlds in my mind and assign words to the worlds in a way that will paint vivid pictures in your mind. Words are power, like wind is power, and fire is power, and water is power, and love is power. May the fact of my sharing help one person know that they aren’t alone. May these words written from my heart reach out into the world and make it a more loving place!
I’ve been sleeping alone since June of 2017 when my children’s father decided he was done with our marriage. At first I felt as though I was falling through endless space, or better yet, I was a boat lost at sea in a storm with no safe harbor, tossed around on waves of worthlessness, anxiety for the future, hopeless and futility. I survived the storm. I put my focus on me and my recovery. I vowed to discover what unconditional self-love is; I also vowed to become financially independent. I’m made headway with self-love; I’m still working on the financial independence, therefore, I’m still single, and I’M GLAD. I’m committed to awakening, to allowing the self within me to emerge and express herself authentically. I realize I like being alone and I like the company I keep. I realized I don’t need a man to be complete. I am grateful I have this freedom to be me, on my own.
It’s beginning to finally look somewhat like Christmas around my house. We have a tree; my kids and I decorated this evening. We listened to Christmas carols and hung up ornaments. I’m going to bed thinking Not bad for a single mom.