Tag Archives: grateful

NaPoWriMo 2018, Day 11: I Love Life

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Today’s NaPoWriMo prompt instructs us to write “a poem that addresses the future, answering the questions ‘What does y(our) future provide? What is your future state of mind? If you are a citizen of the “union” that is your body, what is your future “state of the union” address?’”

It’s strange to contemplate the future
because it doesn’t exist,
and whatever states of being I imagine in it,
when I call them forth,
it will be in this moment now.
But as I visualize my future, this is what I see:
I am happy, healthy, radiant with well-being.
I am in a soul-fulfilling partnership
with a man who loves every fiber of my being.
I do work that is deeply gratifying and pays me well,
and I’m living as my most authentic self,
serving the planet in a big way.
I travel to beautiful places,
bringing my children with me,
that they too might experience the majesty of nature.
I express my creative talents and abilities
in profoundly satisfying ways.
I am nourished in all aspects of my being.
I awaken every day grateful for this life I’ve been given.
I continue to meditate and write every day,
and I spend time in nature
because nature is where I feel most aligned
with the Great Spirit of All Things.
I live in gratitude, cherishing every moment.
I give and receive love with my whole heart.
I breathe deeply and slowly in each moment,
and I sing the praises of the One
who brought me here.
I love life.

In Phoenix

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phoenix condo window

Phoenix, I’m here!
For one week
I left the familiar
to go on retreat,
to have an adventure.
I miss my kids already,
yet I know that this is good
for all of us.
After the heartache and tumult
of this past summer,
I longed for a different perspective,
a different experience of myself,
to be someone other than
the depressed woman
whose husband wants a divorce.
To achieve this  different perspective,
to create a different perception of myself,
a radical shift was necessary,
and here I am…
Flying 2000 miles away feels
pretty radical.
Tomorrow I’ll go to the desert in Sedona
and I’ll pray.
I practice yoga and dance.
I’ll rest.
I’ll thank God I’m here,
over and over again.
The depressed woman
didn’t follow me here.
The adventurer has taken her place,
and I can’t wait
to meet her.

Musings on the Eve of My 40th Birthday

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I turn 40 tomorrow.
I’ve been met with
expressions of sympathy
and knowing looks–
I’ve been asked,
How do you feel about that?
Are you okay with that?
Of course I am!
Whether I want it to or not
the sun rises and sets,
Whether I’m ready for it or not
the weather is constantly changing
and
Whether I like it or not
I’m getting older every day,
It is a privilege to be here,
to have a family,
work I love,
the ability to create something
out of thin air,
to learn,
to have this life.
And one more thing…
As I’ve aged
I have discovered
what a gift it is
to be able to give to others,
to have the energy
to act in concrete ways
that will benefit others.
I’m happy to work tomorrow,
to teach a yoga class
and help my students relax.
Their appearing in the room
is a wonderful gift.
Offering me the opportunity
to share the best of myself
with them is even better.
It’s a blessing to leave behind
the preoccupations
of my earlier years
and dive into the joy
of what is right there
in front of me.
Happy Birthday to Me!
I was given this life
and I am so grateful.

This Is My Post for 11/26

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I’m writing this at 1:05 am on 11/27

but this is my post for 11/26,
so read this as if it is yesterday.

My children are STILL giggling in the sofa bed,

refusing to go to sleep.

We are in West Virginia

for a little family vacation.

My husband is asleep;

so is my nephew,

but my two kids are stubbornly 

attached to staying awake,

playing and laughing.

Now my twin sister is instructing 

them to sleep; they quiet,

is NOW the moment when they sleep?

Nope. There they go again.

Just next door my mother, father, 

older sister and her boyfriend are sleeping,

and tomorrow we’ll take a ride 

on the Polar Express.

I love this moment, feeling so tired,

welcoming sleep,

if only my children will let me.

NaPoWriMo Day 24: Thank You Life

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Sigh. Today’s NaPoWriMo prompt seemed once again that it would be too involved for my tired brain.  I like the idea of a mix and match poem, finding some high fallutin’ words and putting them alongside common ones, but honestly I didn’t have the drive to seek out the big beautiful words and attempt to weave them into a poem. So I’m going rogue for a second day in a row and doing something that has nothing to do with the prompt.
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Thank you life.
Thank you for the sun that shone today,
the spring breeze,
and the young leaves appearing
at the slender tips of the branches.
Thank you for the contrast of spring green
against the azure blue of the sky,
and the warmth of the air
calling the flowers into bloom.
Thank you for the picnic we shared
in the shade of a few pines
while many children and dogs and parents
played and shouted all around us.
Thank you for my children, my husband and my home.
Thank you for this comfy bed when day is done.
And thank you for the breath in my body
and for the chance to awaken
into a fresh new day of possibilities.
Amen.

Feeling Grateful

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I did it!
The Spring Awakening workshop
came and went.
I stepped out of my comfort bubble
and into a room full of exuberant dancers.
I learned how to play the harmonium,
and although I flubbed up one of the songs a bit
HEY, I just started learning how to play
three days ago, teaching myself how to play…
So yeah, I guess I can forgive myself for not being perfect.
That perfectionism BS is so last year.
And today, on the eve of the spring equinox,
I expanded into a fuller version of myself,
a self who loves to sing and dance and laugh,
all in the presence of others who love to do the same.
How beautiful life is.

The Greatest Gift

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Knowing everything
has a potential to wake us up
we can be grateful for everything.
It is all a gift.
We don’t have to look
for presents wrapped up a certain way,
we can open ourselves
and experience presence
in this moment.
We could be grateful
for what we have.
No need to shop for more,
who we are is enough.
Our presence is the greatest gift.

Day 999…Quiet Gratitude

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Because I enjoyed my schooling in mathematics and in the sciences, and because I am a geek at heart, I have loved using the Insight Timer app to track my meditation progress. The data gathering scientist in me loves that the app logs the number of minutes spent in each meditation session, it shows you graphs of how the time spent in meditation has been distributed over the weeks and months, it keeps a running total of days, hours and minutes, and it even makes note of current consecutive days.  There is an option to write a journal entry at the end of every session, there are lots of pretty bell tones to choose from to sound the beginning and end of a session, the timer keeps track of time for you– and one of the most valuable offerings of the app is the option to tap into a community of meditators all over the world who share in the practice and who regularly offer kindness and encouragement to newbies and veteran meditators alike.

Today is day 999 of my meditation practice.  Tomorrow I hit the 1000 consecutive days of showing up for my practice milestone.  I have loved tracking my progress and using the app to view my statistics and my milestones.  And yet, this means nothing.  The numbers mean nothing.  Whenever I have shown up for meditation, it was always in the present moment. Beyond what number I assigned to each day,  it was always just me showing up for a moment of stillness, a moment to focus inwards, to tap into the unitive field and remember who I am beyond the realm of the senses.

So, tomorrow morning, when I go upstairs to my room for my practice, there won’t be any banners, music, any fanfare celebrating my 1000 day journey– it will be with a quiet sense of gratitude that I sit down for my practice…without the number I have assigned to it, it will simply be now, today, not any more or less important than day 1 or day 100.

I am grateful for the practice, grateful that I have the option to sit, a room to sit in, a cushion to sit on.  I’m glad that I have a home where I could claim a space to meditate.  I’m glad I live in a corner of the world where there is relative peace, where I don’t have to worry about bombs dropping over my head as I attempt to be still and recall the words of the great masters.  I’m thankful for my husband, who has taken care of our children on countless occasions so that I could complete my meditation on mornings where I was unable to awaken early enough to get it done while everyone else was asleep.

I cannot be grateful for the thousand days–that block of time is an illusion–I can only be grateful for this moment, this practice.  So thank you, Great Spirit of all that is, thank you for this moment!

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I cannot tell you if I have changed much.
Ask me in another thousand days
I will probably tell you the same.

In fact, the more I sit,
the more I realize–
it isn’t change I’m seeking
but a homecoming.

Each time I sit,
I become more familiar with the self
that isn’t this body
the self
that isn’t this mind
the self
that isn’t the roles and responsibilities
to which I’ve been assigned in this world of form.

Each time I sit,
a little more of the illusion of separateness
melts away
to reveal the infinite self
that is all of us, everything, everywhere
connected, forever.

No more little identity
no body, or mind, or likes or dislikes–
just this one self, forever knowing and forever known

this one self
that was always
and will forever be
here, everywhere, and nowhere
all at once

Let me come home to this self now.
let me sit still and remember
and let me take this memory with me
when I rise from my cushion
to once more face the world of the senses

I am not this body
I am not even this mind

Let me remember
Let me remember now.