A nightmare woke me up at 4:30am;
even with the light on I didn’t feel safe.
As sleep was out of the question at that point
I began to read and lost myself in bits about
blue-zone cultures and longevity.
And then breakfast and meditation
and yoga classes 1-2-3,
finishing at 12:30
talking on the drive home
with a dear friend in Colorado
going through some stuff of her own…
and reordering business cards
and thinking about writing an
“about me” for my website
which has lain dormant for two years,
and a shower, ahh…hot, beautiful water…
and then it struck me.
My daily life used to feel like a nightmare.
I would pray to god to give me beautiful dreams
so that I could find solace at night when I slept.
Now, between working as much as I can teaching yoga
and taking care of my two beautiful children,
my life has become more fluid and easy
and I feel more empowered.
This was the dream I was looking for
at this time last year.
and now it’s real.
Without knowing when it would happen or how,
I’ve lived into a more powerful version of myself.
Today I feel strong, healthy and happy.
In comparison to the nightmare it once was,
today my life feels beautiful and light.
And I am so grateful.
Safe, at home,
after being out in the snow.
Went out to celebrate
a friend’s birthday,
when it was time to drive home,
Snow that made me drive
(for safety’s sake)
oh so slowly.
as the car skidded.
My prayers saw me home.
Now, ready for bed,
clean, safe and warm,
I feel just one thing:
I wake up.
It’s a new day.
Anything is possible.
I’m so grateful
that every single morning
I get a chance to start over.
Today’s NaPoWriMo prompt instructs us to write “a poem that addresses the future, answering the questions ‘What does y(our) future provide? What is your future state of mind? If you are a citizen of the “union” that is your body, what is your future “state of the union” address?’”
It’s strange to contemplate the future
because it doesn’t exist,
and whatever states of being I imagine in it,
when I call them forth,
it will be in this moment now.
But as I visualize my future, this is what I see:
I am happy, healthy, radiant with well-being.
I am in a soul-fulfilling partnership
with a man who loves every fiber of my being.
I do work that is deeply gratifying and pays me well,
and I’m living as my most authentic self,
serving the planet in a big way.
I travel to beautiful places,
bringing my children with me,
that they too might experience the majesty of nature.
I express my creative talents and abilities
in profoundly satisfying ways.
I am nourished in all aspects of my being.
I awaken every day grateful for this life I’ve been given.
I continue to meditate and write every day,
and I spend time in nature
because nature is where I feel most aligned
with the Great Spirit of All Things.
I live in gratitude, cherishing every moment.
I give and receive love with my whole heart.
I breathe deeply and slowly in each moment,
and I sing the praises of the One
who brought me here.
I love life.
Phoenix, I’m here!
For one week
I left the familiar
to go on retreat,
to have an adventure.
I miss my kids already,
yet I know that this is good
for all of us.
After the heartache and tumult
of this past summer,
I longed for a different perspective,
a different experience of myself,
to be someone other than
the depressed woman
whose husband wants a divorce.
To achieve this different perspective,
to create a different perception of myself,
a radical shift was necessary,
and here I am…
Flying 2000 miles away feels
Tomorrow I’ll go to the desert in Sedona
and I’ll pray.
I practice yoga and dance.
I’ll thank God I’m here,
over and over again.
The depressed woman
didn’t follow me here.
The adventurer has taken her place,
and I can’t wait
to meet her.
I turn 40 tomorrow.
I’ve been met with
expressions of sympathy
and knowing looks–
I’ve been asked,
How do you feel about that?
Are you okay with that?
Of course I am!
Whether I want it to or not
the sun rises and sets,
Whether I’m ready for it or not
the weather is constantly changing
Whether I like it or not
I’m getting older every day,
It is a privilege to be here,
to have a family,
work I love,
the ability to create something
out of thin air,
to have this life.
And one more thing…
As I’ve aged
I have discovered
what a gift it is
to be able to give to others,
to have the energy
to act in concrete ways
that will benefit others.
I’m happy to work tomorrow,
to teach a yoga class
and help my students relax.
Their appearing in the room
is a wonderful gift.
Offering me the opportunity
to share the best of myself
with them is even better.
It’s a blessing to leave behind
of my earlier years
and dive into the joy
of what is right there
in front of me.
Happy Birthday to Me!
I was given this life
and I am so grateful.
I’m writing this at 1:05 am on 11/27
but this is my post for 11/26,
so read this as if it is yesterday.
My children are STILL giggling in the sofa bed,
refusing to go to sleep.
We are in West Virginia
for a little family vacation.
My husband is asleep;
so is my nephew,
but my two kids are stubbornly
attached to staying awake,
playing and laughing.
Now my twin sister is instructing
them to sleep; they quiet,
is NOW the moment when they sleep?
Nope. There they go again.
Just next door my mother, father,
older sister and her boyfriend are sleeping,
and tomorrow we’ll take a ride
on the Polar Express.
I love this moment, feeling so tired,
if only my children will let me.