Thank you for this day.
Thank you for waking me up again.
Thank you for giving me strength
to make it through,
even when I’m tired, sick,
and all I want to do is rest.
Thank you for helping me to be
the most loving mom I can be to my kids,
for tending to their needs joyfully, patiently,
and with gratitude that I was blessed with children
(even when sometimes I wish I weren’t!).
Thank you for cleansing my heart
of envy when I see husbands
taking care of their wives
with love in their eyes.
Help me to embrace my loneliness,
so that if it is your will one day,
I might celebrate partnership again.
Taking time to slow down and rest,
to be quiet and still and listen,
to let my awareness settle,
and feel my whole body alive in this moment.
On retreat I deeply feel and know
how important it is to slow down and take time
to just be.
Day to day living is hectic, chaotic;
disengaging from this frenetic pace
I can see how I’ve been pushing, pushing,
trying to get things done,
but never taking time to just be.
I can feel my body is exhausted;
I’ve been asking so much of it.
This whole weekend has been
one long exhale, finding presence,
remembering that there is nowhere else
but this moment, and I’m home.
I really don’t care
about the brand of clothes you wear…
I want to know what makes your heart ache
and which actions you take
to honor your own healing.
The specific work you do
doesn’t interest me as much
as the mindset you bring to what you’re doing.
Can you work with joy and gratitude?
Can you do what needs to be done
to show up as the best version of yourself,
can you still get up,
even if you feel like giving up?
I don’t care how much you can bench press—
what do you do
when life puts the pressure on you?
Can you breathe and expand into the challenge,
knowing that adversity makes you strong?
I want to see your true strength,
how you respond to the inevitable challenges
that life offers you
to wake you up to your ultimate truth:
You were born for more, much, much more.
I said a final goodbye to the old house,
handed the keys over,
and closed that chapter.
I drove away feeling free, grateful.
Then it was time to teach.
My students were open and lovely,
willing to slow down, breathe,
and try their best.
Back home my kids were darling;
I’m just amazed at how naturally positive they are;
they are focused on the good,
they get excited about sweet, simple things.
We watched a movie and ate popcorn,
then I pumped up the tires of our bikes
and we road around the court.
Chicken soup for dinner,
then reading together.
Ah, it’s the sweet, simple things
that make life so blessed, so enjoyable.
I vow to be grateful for all of it.
This life is a miracle.
I shared my story tonight,
was witnessed by my recovery family
as I told the tale of the last
two and a half years of my life.
There were moments where
I thought I might not make it through,
so overcome was I by emotion.
But I breathed, I paced myself,
I spoke through the emotions,
I let my family see me.
Afterwards, these beloveds gave me hugs.
they told me they were proud of me,
of how far I had come.
They told me they were inspired by my story,
my willingness to be vulnerable,
to speak my truth, to be seen so deeply.
Life is a mystery;
it can only be understood looking backwards.
As I look back on the last two years,
I can see that the worst day of my life
was the greatest gift—
of freedom, of authenticity,
of finding my true power,
and expressing it out in this world.
I love how it doesn’t matter how much
I’ve attempted to stay present but failed miserably…
I love that no matter how many times my mind
hijacked my consciousness with thoughts of the past
or thoughts of the future,
the present always holds me.
I always am here.
I always am now.
My work is to know this deeply,
integrating awareness of the present moment
through bodily sensations,
through the intention to be of service.
I see the perfection of my journey,
how all experiences led me to this moment.
All I can feel now…
I DID IT!
I MADE IT THROUGH THE DAY!
THREE CLASSES AND A 5.5 HOUR TRAINING!
I DID IT!
I FELT SO NERVOUS ABOUT MAKING IT THROUGH!
I DID IT!
I DID IT!