Tag Archives: gratitude

Will It Help?

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I return home to an empty house.
I’m reminded of what I once had,
what is gone now.
They tell me You’ll get better,
You’ll get stronger.
They tell me
This is the best thing
that could’ve happened to you.
But what do they know?
Slogging it out,
one day at a time,
one year at a time,
recovering from
the devastation,
on most days
I feel too tired to be grateful,
and yet I keep pushing through.
I write in my gratitude journal:
I woke up today.
I meditated.
My sitter was able to come.
I was able to pay for lunch today.
They tell me my gratitude
will open up the gateway to abundance.
But will it help me to live
when I have no money left in my bank account?

Nothing to Forgive

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This is healing:
It goes in spirals,
rarely in a straight line,
takes steps, hops and leaps,
sometimes goes so slowly it aches,
wondering how long
it will feel this way,
wanting it to change,
wanting to be different,
asking for patience
when thoughts stay the same
day after day after day.
Hoping for little changes,
giving thanks for what is here,
giving thanks for love, for life.
This is courage:
taking one more breath
when you question
the reason for your being here,
and when nothing seems
good enough to keep you here,
when you want to get away from yourself,
from everything,
when you want to escape
everything that ails you
and you believe
that nothing will help you,
and when you think
becoming nothing
would mean everything to you,
taking one more breath,
and deciding to stay,
you breathe again.
This is grace:
Letting the tears flow
until you’ve been washed clean
of the pain and sorrow
that you have carried
for longer than anyone
ever should have,
awakening from trance
and realizing
the poison and the antidote
always exist side by side,
opening your eyes,
for just a moment,
bearing witness
to the most incredible miracle
of presence,
seeing the flow of existence,
remembering there is nothing to fear,
there is nothing to forgive.

 

 

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giving thanks for love, for life,
you breathe again.
there is nothing to forgive.

The One Who Listened & Answered

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On my cushion this morning,
I reached my arms up to the sky
as if some being,
some divine parent,
would swoop down
and scoop me up.
I said, crying,
I’m ready to let go.
I’m ready to forgive.
I’m ready to move on,
I’m ready to heal.
Please help me.

Somebody must’ve been listening,
because this afternoon
I came across some TED Talks
on finding your life purpose.
I was inspired.
I cried.
The tide turned.
I remembered who I was,
who I am,
and I felt a surge of great hope
for the woman I can be.
This evening,
for the first time in forever,
I wanted to eat,
and I took pleasure in my food.
Taking my meal outside,
looking up at the great blue sky,
I remembered
this life is full of possibility.
After my meal
I took out my journal and pen.
The twilight enfolded me
in its gentle embrace
as I wrote words of
praise and thanks
to the one who listened,
and the one who answered.

Can You Feel Me?

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A white magnolia called to me
from across the balcony
she said
break me
I did
I breathed in her essence
which attracted the attention
of my students
those closest to me
after the first two
I said
pass it around
and I watched her
in her white purity
passed around the room
giving of her essence
so unquestioningly
she breathed
and we all breathed with her
there is no lack
only this moment
can you feel me?

Tough Choice

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Who do I want to be today?
Do I want to be this angry, depressed,
resentful woman who was betrayed
by her husband of eight years,
a victim of his selfishness,
worried about her children, her finances,
her health, wondering if
love will ever find her again?
OR
Do I want to be this peaceful, happy,
openhearted woman who was married
to her husband for eight years,
the recipient of his generosity,
grateful for her children, for abundance,
for her health, certain that
love is everywhere, always?
Hmmmm.
Tough choice.
NOT!