Help us, God,
help us to let go
and surrender into
Help this one,
this control freak,
she has no control.
Let her breathe and relax.
Help this one,
that he will one day die.
Let him stop and be with his family.
Help this beautiful child
recognize her greatness
and help this precious one
value his many gifts.
Give us strength to become
all we were born to be.
Make us all new in your love.
Show us how to trust in you and your ways.
We’re tired of trying so hard
to figure this out.
We just want to know your rhythm,
your melody and harmony,
your accompaniment, chorus,
verse and refrain.
Thank you God
for helping us…again.
Rain boots, raincoat,
wind flinging drops from the leaves
in a symphonic whishhhh
landing on my head.
River water rising, brown.
Ferns, moss, mud,
dark fallen leaves everywhere
on drenched earth.
Balmy wind blowing hot and moist on skin.
A distant rumbling
of storm meeting storm.
Tromping along a
a weaver’s delicate masterpiece
strung from leaf to leaf
Remembering to breathe,
thankful for the cradle
nature always give me
when my heart yearns
for the silence of a
I thought I knew what I was thinking.
I had built up so many stories about her.
I had judged her.
I had replayed in my head
the scene of our last interaction
hundreds, if not thousands, of times.
I thought that it would be terrible
seeing her again.
I felt guarded and justified in my disconnect.
And there she was today, quiet, listening intently.
She gave me a hug. She smiled.
I felt brave. I shared.
She had been doing the work too;
I could see it on her face.
She is so much like me
and I like who I see.
I actually enjoy being with her.
She isn’t who I thought she was.
I’m glad she’s here.
Life surprised me today.
I thought her visit was going to be terrible.
It ended up being a miracle.
Taught two yoga classes,
body is tired.
Kids are with their dad and his mistress
on a “family” trip to the ocean…
And I’m here, alone,
to make this time count.
What do I do?
Take a nap?
Read a book?
Make some art?
Write in my journal?
Play my guitar?
Bang on my drum?
Sew a dress?
Knit a scarf?
Drink some wine?
When faced with so many choices,
I work myself into such a tizzy
it’s hard to choose anything at all.
I suppose I could do all of the above.
But let’s be really really real—
isn’t it delightful to have so many choices?
Maybe I’ll just go write in my gratitude journal,
thankful to be asking these questions at all.
It’s finally dawning on me
that success isn’t some
flip of the switch,
wave of the wand moment.
Some fairy godmother won’t descend
out of the sky singing
and make my entire life perfect.
Success is going through the day
feeling super anxious
and remembering a few times
to take a breath.
Success is showing up for the interview.
It’s cooking dinner for the children
when I just want to take a nap.
It’s remembering, finally,
that I am not a victim,
and that I can choose how my story goes.
It’s feeling gratitude regardless,
letting my heart open to the love that is there,
even if it hasn’t appeared
the way I was hoping it would.
It’s showing up on my cushion
morning after morning
to sit and breathe and just be with what is.
Success is a lot more incremental
than I once thought it was.
It’s breath by breath
moment by moment
inch by inch
letting go of my past as I
look to the future.
Ah, now. This is good.
I can relax and enjoy my success!
A gift from above.
A job falling right into my lap.
Being guided and led along this path
to financial autonomy
and emotional freedom.
Now it’s time to give thanks,
and even more thanks.
Thanks for the friend who thought of me
when the school was desperate for a teacher,
thanks for my experience teaching
that would make me eligible to help this school.
Thanks to God for carrying me through the uncertainty.
Thanks to friends and family who listened
as I complained about the uncertainty.
I’m still a bit shocked
that it could be this simple, fluid and easy.
But I’ve worked hard this year,
making amends with myself, with God and with life.
From this place of wholeness
magic just happens.
Things are changing
because I am changing.
Life is more beautiful
because I searched for and found
beauty within me.
I feel more love for the world
because I made love to myself.
I have more to give others
because I gave first to myself.
I am full with these thoughts,
charged up with these practices,
open to possibility,
grateful for the gifts life has given me.
Thank you God.
You helped me get out of my own way
by showing me that I AM the way.