Tag Archives: growth

Trust and Freedom

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It’s going to be okay.
I feel that now.
Last year I worked on cultivating trust,
and this year, I chose freedom.
As I trust, I relax into being,
and this moment opens up
and shows me what I need to know….
in freedom.
Or more precisely,
I open up
and I can finally see
what this moment
was trying to show me all along.
Yes. I open up,
and then I can receive
the gifts that were always there,
awaiting my opening.
I open up
and the whole universe is delighted
to shower me with the love and the abundance
that now gets to be expressed through me,
through my willingness to trust and to be free.

Always Another Way

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Up half the night with a sick child,
scrubbing puke out of the carpets,
attempting not to resent my ex
for leaving me
to deal with moments like these
on my own.
How can I tweak my mindset
when the moment
is so obviously difficult?
Any way you look at it,
a pukey carpet is smelly and gross.
How do you find spiritual wisdom
in disgusting moments?
Well…I tried.
I tried to tell myself
It is a privilege to clean up my daughter’s throw-up.
Yes I did.
I thought about childless couples
who would’ve paid dearly
many times over
to have a son or daughter of their own,
who would’ve been glad to be in my shoes,
scrubbing mess out of the carpet,
just to know they had a kid to love and raise.
It strikes me now in retrospect,
that it wasn’t so much the content of my mind,
but the act of attempting to shift
from feeling exhausted and overburdened
to the recognition of my blessings—
however disgustingly they were disguised—
that might bear beautiful fruit in the future.
Who knows what can grow
of experiences like these,
when they are met with the awareness
that there is always another way?

What Is Real

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Let me use my imagination for good.
Instead of picturing the worst,
let me picture the best.
Let me say
No matter how this turns out,
it will be more amazing
than I ever could have possibly imagined.

Let me breathe
and settle into this moment.
Let me feel and know
that I am loved,
cared for,
seen,
provided for.
Let me stand in my strength and truth,
and move forward on my path,
transcending limitations
and expressing what comes through,
bridging the visible and the invisible.
Let me remember my Divine Nature,
and never again doubt what is real.

Looking Back…And Forward

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Looking back
on a year of many ups and downs…
Finally, resolution is in sight.
This time last year,
you will still living in this house.
This time last year,
you had just begun a relationship with her.
This time last year,
you were denying it.
This time last year,
I was losing weight,
feeling anxious,
angry at your infidelity,
your dishonesty, your dishonor.
This time last year
I held you responsible for my happiness,
and I had fallen to the depths of despair.
But this time next year,
I see myself happier, healthier than ever before.
This time next year,
I will be standing on my own two feet financially.
Maybe this time next year,
I’ll have a wonderful man in my life,
a man who wants to love me
the way I deserve to be loved.
I won’t make the same mistakes with him
that I made with you.
In the midst of the nightmare
we shared
I learned
that my happiness is within me,
and when I really find it,
no one can take it away,
not even you.
Now it’s time for integration of what I’ve learned,
and space to dream of what is to come.
I’m in a more peaceful place now,
at home in my body, in my heart, in my mind.
I can say “Thank you”—sincerely—
for the lessons you taught me,
and I can wish you well.
May you find wholeness in 2019,
may your heart’s desires be granted.
May you know healing on all levels.
May you be free.

Devastation Transformat​io​n

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And then a friend sent me a link
to spiritual teacher Matt Kahn’s
video entitled The Pain of Loss,
and it rocked my world.
I thought of how I had been
trying to escape my pain,
seeing it as evidence of failure,
and here was someone saying
that our bigges mistake is
our attempt to bypass the pain
so that we can continue on our path.
Instead, if we can see that our pain IS the path,
if we can see that
our devastation leads to transformation,
we’ll join with the Divine as co-creators,
and live into our fullest destiny
as embodied masters.
What the what?
So it is in my enduring
that I come to know my greatest strength?
I can allow the Universe to
turn me upside down and shake me out
and I can emerge on the other side
more loving, compassionate and clearer
than ever before?
I’m going to go and digest this now.
Thanks for listening.

PS I would love to hear all about your stories of transformation following great loss and deep pain.  Have you learned how to see pain as a great teacher?  Have you learned to embrace painful experiences as opportunities for profound growth?  How long did your initiation take? How long did you stay in the crucible, allowing life to burn away what you no longer needed for the journey ahead? I welcome anything you’re willing to share. Knowing that I’m not alone in my profound suffering has helped me realize that I’m part of this big human family, and I’d like to think that somehow in the sharing of our stories we’re collectively helping the human race to grow and evolve.

It Always Works Out

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I keep asking HOW?
How will I shift this situation?
How will I become autonomous?
How will I find a home?
A job?
A new way to live
and provide for my living?
Fear wants to creep in.
It’s slimy and quick
and slips into my mind
because that is what it has always done.
But I decide that it’s time for a new way.
I choose to give more attention to my future
than I give to my past.
I don’t need to be afraid anymore;
I can trust in Life;
it always works out
one way or another.