And then a friend sent me a link
to spiritual teacher Matt Kahn’s
video entitled The Pain of Loss,
and it rocked my world.
I thought of how I had been
trying to escape my pain,
seeing it as evidence of failure,
and here was someone saying
that our bigges mistake is
our attempt to bypass the pain
so that we can continue on our path.
Instead, if we can see that our pain IS the path,
if we can see that
our devastation leads to transformation,
we’ll join with the Divine as co-creators,
and live into our fullest destiny
as embodied masters.
What the what?
So it is in my enduring
that I come to know my greatest strength?
I can allow the Universe to
turn me upside down and shake me out
and I can emerge on the other side
more loving, compassionate and clearer
than ever before?
I’m going to go and digest this now.
Thanks for listening.
PS I would love to hear all about your stories of transformation following great loss and deep pain. Have you learned how to see pain as a great teacher? Have you learned to embrace painful experiences as opportunities for profound growth? How long did your initiation take? How long did you stay in the crucible, allowing life to burn away what you no longer needed for the journey ahead? I welcome anything you’re willing to share. Knowing that I’m not alone in my profound suffering has helped me realize that I’m part of this big human family, and I’d like to think that somehow in the sharing of our stories we’re collectively helping the human race to grow and evolve.
I keep asking HOW?
How will I shift this situation?
How will I become autonomous?
How will I find a home?
A new way to live
and provide for my living?
Fear wants to creep in.
It’s slimy and quick
and slips into my mind
because that is what it has always done.
But I decide that it’s time for a new way.
I choose to give more attention to my future
than I give to my past.
I don’t need to be afraid anymore;
I can trust in Life;
it always works out
one way or another.
I’m being vigilant of my thoughts.
I’m choosing ones that support
growth and evolution.
This is really new for me.
I’ll keep you posted.
When you think you should’ve done better,
be gentle; allow yourself to try again.
Yes, be honest with yourself
and make clear choices about the next time,
but still, be gentle.
Would you admonish a toddler
for not knowing how to sprint a marathon?
Sources of inspiration coalesce,
sending me the same message
until it reaches in
and takes root.
they’re all saying the same thing:
Open, grow, let it flow.
So I open.
I open more.
And the changes come slowly at first,
but then more quickly over time.
I see my responsibility
in opening to possibility
and how the only one ever
holding me back was, well,
Now, this, this is power:
realizing that the failure was mine,
but now so is the success.
And I get to choose.
All signs point to this,
and all voices are saying this:
GROW, Lorien, GROW.
GROW, GROW, GROW!
And I hear the voices
and I see the signs,
I get scared.
What if I fail?
What if I look stupid?
What if they don’t like me?
What if my life ends up worse
for having tried and failed?
But the old way of thinking
is no longer working.
If I keep
doing what I’ve always done
I’ll only end up
getting what I always got.
if I want life to be different
it’s time to for me to grow.
And then it hit me—
not like a ton of bricks
like an angel giving me a little love slap—
I really don’t have anything to stress about.
I have food
I have shelter
My children are safe and healthy
I have a family who loves me
and friends too
I am able-bodied, able-minded
with so many resources available to me
to craft a life in alignment
with my deepest soul desires.
What in the HELL am I stressing about,
I put myself in hell and have wallowed in it,
only because things didn’t go the way
I thought they would.
Welcome to REAL LIFE, Lorien.
I’m ready to get over my damn self.
No more stress.