Tag Archives: healing

Relentless Mind

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I’m curious about this tendency of my mind
to fixate on negativity.
I’m noticing the effects of my thinking
on my body, my health, my perception.
I have read and learned enough about the brain
to understand we are hardwired
to continually scan our environment
for threats to our survival,
and to see pretty much everything as a threat…
it’s how our ancestors survived.
But I am interested in much more
than survival...much, much more.
I want to thrive.
I want to open fully into the light
of awareness,
to sing my life
and dance my joy
and love this place called The Universe.
All of the work I’ve done,
all the meditation,
all the writing, the therapy,
the Twelve Step Meetings,
and still my mind stubbornly persists
in seeing the world as a dangerous place.
Oh my mind,
will you ever relent?

I Came Close

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I spent the day in deep listening,
self-care
laid heart and soul bare
before daring wayfarers
who walk this path with me.
I danced with the trees,
looked up to the sun
reached out to the water
felt down to the earth
breathed in the wind
and out my fears.
I transformed from closed and scared
to fluid and light body
loving song through the forest
at top of lungs fearlessly.
To whomever says heaven
isn’t on earth:
I have something to share…
Today I came close.

My Heart Says

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I show up here
wanting to say something profound.
Something about change,
and surmounting obstacles,
and moving through grief to joy.
And then…blank.
Nothing.
Maybe a little anxiety
about saying the right thing.
I’m caught up in my head again,
so I take a moment
to close my eyes,
drop into my heart,
listen.
My heart says,
Sweetheart, relax.
You don’t need to be good.
You don’t need to be profound.
Just love this body,
and love this mind,
and love this spirit.
Let this love be enough,
for now.

Too Many Rules

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A friend came and visited.
We sipped our mugs of tea
and filled each other in
on the comings and
goings of our lives.
He’s three months into
a fulfilling relationship
with a vibrantly beautiful
and talented woman.
I’m happy for him.
I shared about my sadness,
loneliness and isolation.
I told him how I wanted to be
financially autonmous
before dipping my toes
back into the waters
of love and relationships.
It’s been two years since
I’ve been with a man,
and my body feels the urge
to be held, to connect…
but I don’t trust myself
to attract a healthy man
into my life,
and I’m still reeling
from the pain of my divorce.
So I’m waiting.
He told me I have too many rules,
that if I stop myself from desiring
I stop myself from moving forward.
Now my head is spinning.
Is it true?
Do I have too many rules?

I Choose Happiness Today

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Today is the day I choose
to spend more time in self-love
than in self-deprecation,
more time in self-acceptance
than in self-criticism,
more time in joy
than in depression,
more time in gratitude
than in complaining,
more time in celebration
than in grief.
Happiness is a choice I must make.
I choose happiness today.

I’ll Never Get It Right

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I kept trying and kept trying today.
If I can just clean the house enough,
and tidy and organize enough
maybe the voice in my head will be kind
and just let me relax.

I finally had to walk away,
take a shower, eat something.
Who is this invisible presence
that tells me I’ll never get it right?