For a long time
it felt like something was missing.
I had been a Mrs. for so long,
and now he was gone.
There was an empty place in my bed,
a hole in my heart,
an vacant seat at the table,
a void of presence in my life.
But slowly, slowly,
as time went on,
I faced the one inside me
who believed I couldn’t make it on my own.
I worked hard.
Day after day, I recommitted to my healing.
I began to enjoy the company I kept
in the quiet moments of solitude
when I wasn’t working or mothering.
It’s Saturday night and I’m alone.
The highlight of my evening was a long soak in the tub.
I love this moment.
I love that nothing is missing.
I love that I can feel my wholeness now.
I love that I stayed alive for my healing.*
*If you’re reading this with a broken heart, having gone through a loss of a relationship or the loss of a loved one or the loss of something by which you formed your identity, please hang in there. It gets better. There were so many moments during my separation and divorce that the pain was so intense that I really thought I wanted to die. Thankfully I had Twelve Step Meetings, therapy and a few really good friends who helped me stay on this planet. On the other side of that terrible trial, I can look back and see what a gift it was. I am stronger now, and more capable of loving authentically. I have a clearer sense of who I am, and a much better idea of where I want to go and what I need to do to get there. There is hope, friend…hang in there.
I really don’t care
about the brand of clothes you wear…
I want to know what makes your heart ache
and which actions you take
to honor your own healing.
The specific work you do
doesn’t interest me as much
as the mindset you bring to what you’re doing.
Can you work with joy and gratitude?
Can you do what needs to be done
to show up as the best version of yourself,
can you still get up,
even if you feel like giving up?
I don’t care how much you can bench press—
what do you do
when life puts the pressure on you?
Can you breathe and expand into the challenge,
knowing that adversity makes you strong?
I want to see your true strength,
how you respond to the inevitable challenges
that life offers you
to wake you up to your ultimate truth:
You were born for more, much, much more.
After years and years of believing
there was something wrong with me,
a part of me thinks there’s something wrong
if I’m not feeling anxious, under pressure.
But as I relax into the ground of being
and just let myself be held,
as I release the illusion of control
and gain a felt sense of my own worth,
I see that there really isn’t anything to be done.
I mean, sure…
Bathe, feed the children, do your work,
get some sleep,
but other than this,
there is nothing the moment requires of us
Back and forth
and back and forth
between the two worlds.
And slowly what was before
is transferred over to what is now.
If I keep taking this stuff with me
wherever I go,
I’ll keep having the same experiences
over and over and over.
I’m ready for something different,
but I need to learn to let go.
I can hear the shaming voice,
the one who blames me,
who tells me I never get anything right.
And then I need to just sit and breathe
I can’t get this wrong.
No matter what happens,
life will hold me.
Can I surrender into this infinite embrace,
and just allow what is to be?
Just one step forward,
just one little action.
Write the goal down;
you don’t have to know how.
Just breathe. This doesn’t have to hurt.
Yes, it may take some hard work,
and yes, there might be some setbacks,
but this is life.
Infuse love into everything you do;
and some day (hopefully) far in the future
when it’s time for you to leave this body behind,
you’ll know this world is better
for your having passed by this way.
Perfection is a myth.
Just make a little progress, bit by bit
and it will be a life well-lived.
When we’ve committed to a path of transcendence,
moving beyond old, outworn patterns,
and stepping into a more authentic expression
of our greater potential,
we can expect that from time to time
that things will get hard.
Things will go wrong.
Things will get icky and sticky.
It’s Life’s way of asking
Do you really mean it?
On days like this,
instead of trying to be a superhero,
trying to be great,
even trying to be good,
We can just try to put one foot in front of the other.
Sometimes, when we’re stuck in a swamp
of old, useless thoughts or behaviors
one step is really good progress.
It occurred to me
that if I want more joy in my life
I need to choose to enjoy each moment.
Life is made up
of everyday, simple moments,
repetitive tasks, things that need to get done.
If I’m rolling my eyes and groaning
every time I need to tidy up,
go grocery shopping,
do the laundry,
pick up after my kids,
I’d be constantly miserable.
But if I could cultivate a mindset
of gratitude and joy
for each of these simple moments,
day by day and breath by breath,
they would all add up to a joyful life.
I don’t need to defer my happiness
for someday, for one day,
for whenever this or that comes to pass.
Happiness is now,
where it always was,
where it always will be—
right here in the present moment.