Dear One, I know your heart hurts. I know you feel confused. I know you wonder if you will ever let yourself be fully seen by another. I know the world feels heavy. I know that the tears are waiting just behind your eyes. So let yourself cry. This world needs your tears. They are the holiest of waters, washing away the dust and dirt of countless injustices done to your precious, tender heart. Dear One, I see you, and I am grateful for your courage, for your willingness to show up on this day as messy and uncertain and vulnerable as you feel. Stay open, Dear One. Stay open and breathe. This too will pass. This too will pass.
A part of my healing journey has been to loosen up a little on some of my routines. I have been accused of being rigid, too attached to my routines, and each time I felt the urge to defend my practices if not out loud, then inwardly, to myself. As I began to peer inside a little more, I could see how my routines were sometimes fillers, excuses not to be completely present, because I could check out as I attended to them… and so this need to defend my practices came from anxiety that they might not be serving me, and the pain of feeling like my time spent doing them was a complete waste. Then again… Is there such a thing? Could it be that my practices served me then, but I eventually outgrew them, and now they no longer serve me the way they did before? Could I drop the shame around change? Don’t we learn by making mistakes? Can’t I ease up about being perfect, being right, and instead, can I welcome this moment with my heart that yearns to love more open?
We trekked into the forest today, my son, my daughter and I, and I was amazed at how our outing provided so much of what my heart was yearning for: First, to be with my two most favorite people. Second, to spend time in the green cathedral. Third, to move slowly, with the wind, breathing. Fourth, to open my eyes to what Spirit is seeing. And finally, to feel free in space and time, soaking in the present moment, grateful, So grateful.
This is just a friendly reminder that you’re doing great, so keep going! In case you forgot, I’m here to remind you, that some days just breathing is enough, and it’s okay to be human and make mistakes and not know when this will ever end or what the new normal will look like. Just wanted to remind you that no relationship is ever wasted, because you learn something about yourself in every single one, and whether you’re alone or with a partner or in between or looking or branching out you’re exactly where you need to be to learn what you need to learn before you’ve outgrown that experience and it’s once again time to move on. Knowing that the one constant in the universe is change, let us take a deep breath together, and open our arms to what is to come.
Today’s prompt over at NaPoWriMo invites us to go on a walk and gather some things to create a “walking archive.” This afternoon I went on a walk around my neighborhood and left the sidewalk to duck into the woods. I was looking for morels. I found one within minutes, but it was past its prime, so I left it there, hopefully to shed its spores and give life to some new morels someday. I kept walking and came across a nice piece of quartz just lying on the forest floor. Moments later, a beautiful small feather tinged with orange caught my eye. And on the way back home, back on the sidewalk, I felt moved to pick two violets. One white, One purple.
My heart full of melancholy, I stepped out into the world only to see two little girls, neighbors, also stepping outside. They were wearing masks. I felt sad at the reminder of what life has become. I walked into the woods looking for morels but was really seeking solace in the arms of the Great Mother. I picked my way along the forest, down a slope, across a stream, winding my way among bunches of skunk cabbage, every once in a while pausing to sit on an old mossy log or hug a tree. A gleaming chunk of quartz caught my eye. Earth. And then a feather. Air. And then the sound of the stream. Water. And then the gift of the sunlight warming my weary soul. Fire. On my way back home, two little violets spoke their sweet, secret language to me. Grace. My heart is still full of melancholy as I feel the sorrow of the whole world, but the Great Mother still holds me, always holds me, eternally holds me. Love.
I had fun with this one, friends! If you haven’t created a triolet before, try it out. Here’s the NaPoWriMo prompt for the day. And here is my triolet…🌱 🌳💐🌷🌲🌳🌲🌳🌳🌲🍃💐🌷🌳💐🌷🌲🌳🌲🌳🌳🌲🍃💐🌷
A Triolet For A Spring Evening
Because it is dusk and the light is receding I’ll speak my heart quickly and be on my way. I never told you what I was really needing because it is dusk and the light is receding and any words you speak may be misleading… You appear much different in the light of day. Because it is dusk and the light is receding I’ll speak my heart quickly and be on my way.
Hello friends. If it were a normal day, I’d be singing to my yoga students right now, during their relaxation at the end of class. But, Pandemic. Therefore, no public yoga. So instead of teaching, I’m home distracting myself with NaPoWriMo and poetry and words. Today’s prompt is about dreams. I can totally do dreams. I have obsessed about dream recall, dream interpretation, and lucid dreaming for a great portion of my life. So here you go, a poem about something I saw in a dream.
Into the Blue
I had just strolled out of a conference room and found myself walking in the old city of Briançon. Instead of the scenery I was familiar with, there was only vast blue sky stretching out in all directions from the old city, an ocean of sky…no ground to be seen below the city, only this feeling of space. I realized suddenly that I was dreaming, and I could do anything I wanted. I wanted to fly. I stepped onto the parapet and leapt off, began swimming in the sky ocean like a mermaid in ocean water. My body undulated and I moved gracefully through the sky. I never knew such freedom, the exhilaration of open sky, open space, and the power to choose my direction. 🌊💦🌊💦🌊💦🌊💦🌊💦🌊💦🌊💦🌊💦🌊💦🌊💦
I had this dream in late 2003. I was experiencing tremendous angst in my relationship with a man 17 years my senior. We lived in an apartment in Briançon and I felt deep ties to the town, the mountains, the country of France, but there was so much unresolved pain in my relationship and I knew something had to shift.
At the time of the dream I was back in the USA visiting my parents for the holidays. I had performed a space clearing ritual in my room the night before and prayed for guidance from the dream realm. This dream felt like a great gift to me. I woke up realizing I needed to end the relationship. I need to leave Briançon in order to move toward my destiny. Realizing this, I felt a great sense of relief and expectancy about the good things to come in the future.
Worrying doesn’t help, so don’t do it. A break from the routine is a chance to appreciate the minute daily occurrences that we take for granted. That which appeared insignificant in an unconscious repetition suddenly becomes profoundly meaningful. The mundane becomes sacred in the light of such deep appreciation. We find we yearn for what we had, so many little acts of connection and familiar places we can no longer access because of unforeseen changes and uncertain futures. When we aren’t involved in an unconscious routine the space of uncertainty lets loose a discomfort for the one who needs the calm familiar, the safe, the known. My friends, be not afraid. This is an awakening. How you experience this is entirely up to you. Take a deep breath with me, now, and breathe again. Now is the time to cultivate appreciation. The molecules of gratitude for everything you love coursing through your being bring tidings of light and health to every cell of your body. Drink in what you love, now through smiling deep breaths of YES YES YES to life, YES! Do not let fear pickle your cells in darkness and despair. Let me feel your shining smile through the ethers our friendship now inhabits. Stand in your one little spot of earth and declare that you are an anchor for peace, for gratitude, for love. My friends, be not afraid. This is a sacred time. Let the visions that were trampled under the daily stampede of traffic now float up in a whisper an inch behind your eyelids. Listen to this whisper. It promises the joy you have yearned for in the deepest center of your soul. Now is the time to create, to express; in the space of the unknown you have so much room to choose how this goes. Sweethearts, this…is…a…VACATION! Celebrate! Love! Sing! Dance! Enjoy the beloveds you have the privilege to share space with! Show us your art! Sing us your songs! Let us hear your laugh! Let us see your funny faces! Share with us a video of something beautifully boring! Let us send little resonances along the web that connects us to tickle and delight and uplift what the outer world cannot touch.
There is so much wisdom in surrender, knowing that I don’t know, opening to guidance, keeping the faith that there’s a reason, relaxing deeper into trust. When I could finally let go of the life I thought I had, the life I felt entitled to, I finally had the space to welcome my real life, as it is, right now. Then the real healing could begin. I had to let go of my marriage and I had to let go of my anger toward my children’s father for abandoning the marriage. I had to let go of control (I had none to begin with). When everything fell apart and there was nowhere to go but through, I learned to get clear and sober and fill my mind with prayer. I learned to turn everything over to a power greater than myself. I turned over my thoughts, words and actions, my hopes, dreams and fears, my beliefs, perceptions, my ideas of success and failure. Somehow, grace pulled me through the darkest nights of my soul; somehow I survived the changes that took time… I am grateful for prayers, sacred words spoken that bolster my courage and soothe my bodymind. I am grateful that my whole life has become a prayer.