I spoke with a man today
who specializes in the psychology
of humans being evicted from their homes.
He gave me some sound advice:
This is a low point;
you can only go up from here.
Money is no big deal;
you can always make more of it.
As long as you and your children are healthy,
everything is going to be just fine.
Don’t focus on two years from now,
just deal with whatever problems arise today.
You’ll get through this
and someday this will just be a memory.
It’s awful, but it’s temporary.
He shared that he had lost his house
during the recession over ten years ago.
It helped to know
that he was coming from experience
instead of blind sympathy.
My task now is training my brain to know
that I am safe in this moment,
and conditioning my nervous system
to respond with relaxation
in the face of challenge—
or at least to have a positive mindset
about the challenges.
It feels like a superhuman feat
to trust, to have faith, to breathe,
to choose my mindset…
But the alternative is despair.
I’ll go with Option A.
A fellow meditator and blogger,
upon reading of my financial situation,
planted a seed of kindness
(right into my PayPal account)
and renewed my faith in humanity.
A recovery friend,
upon hearing that my AC had gone up,
called upon another friend
who planted a seed of kindness
(checking my breaker box,
checking my AC unit,
attempted to diagnose the issue)
and further renewed my faith in humanity.
upon hearing of the trauma
uncovered in therapy since the winter,
planted a seed of kindness,
(threw her arms around me,
held me for a moment)
and renewed my faith in humanity further still.
My aunt sent me a package in the mail—
a mother’s day card (with a little cash!)
a recipe, and a bible…
It seems she wants
to renew my faith
in humanity too.
Did I need to create this
of losing my marriage
and now losing my home
because I had lost my faith?
Are all of these situations
simply a chance
to renew my faith in humanity?
All I know is
breathing and being is what I want.
With my faith renwed,
I see it’s possible to relax into this moment
and open to the love that’s already there.
Help me God.
Help me somebody.
I’m feeling lost and alone,
trying to choose my mindset,
but feeling unsure of my direction.
I keep praying for a sign,
that will help me to feel confident
that I’m on the right path.
I’m tired of this struggle,
I want to move forward,
but I feel incapacitated
by my feelings of terror,
I know I need help,
but I don’t know who can help.
I guess I’ll keep praying.
when I sit down meditate,
I light a candle
and I invoke the Archangels.
I pray to them to help me
see what needs to be seen
hear what needs to be heard
do what needs to be done
speak what needs to be spoken
release what needs to be released
receive what needs to be received.
Today a human angel showed up
to help me clear some old stuff
from my house
and make room for the new
Already my house and my soul
are breathing easier.
Do you see?
Without my husband there to help,
getting a Christmas tree
seemed like a daunting task.
I cursed the tradition
as I arrived on the lot,
and inwardly resented
the happy couples tying their trees
on the roofs of their vehicles,
getting it done together.
But I had help too.
Two young men put the tree on the roof,
and I figured out the ratchet straps
to secure the tree (mostly).
Back home I even managed to carry
that seven foot tall
fragrant Frasier fir
inside my house
AND set it on the tree stand,
Someday, one day,
I may find a new love
who will delight in accompanying me
on Christmas tree expeditions…
can I love the one in me
who was strong enough to get it done
all by myself?
There’s a fire in my belly,
a drive to speak, to move,
to bring something up and out,
something strong, courageous,
something helpful, meaningful.
I pray to God…
Guide me to know what to do with this fire.
Let me express it in a way that it will warm
instead of burn,
help, instead of hinder.
Let this time here be meaningful.
Show me how to serve in a way
that brings us together
and lifts us up.
Today I accomplished two of three
big things I had to get done this weekend.
One remains. The biggest one.
I’m leading a four hour training
teaching yoga teachers
how to teach restorative yoga.
I was getting myself geared up
to feel anxious and down on myself
for leaving the prep
until the last moment,
the way we talk to ourselves really matters.
and praise builds us up.
I decided to be nice to myself.
I decided it could be pleasurable
to prepare this training
for those who are attending.
I realized that the procrastination is a habit
and so is the self-recrimination…
and I can choose to change it…
all of it.
I prayed to give my trainees
the tools they need
to add the most value
to their students’ lives.
Spirit whispered in my ear…
and I followed the orders I was given.
I went into my old laptop
and discovered a handout
I prepared years ago
with all the information
I want to share with my trainees tomorrow.
So…I don’t have so much prep to do after all.
Thank god for all miracles, big and small!