Tag Archives: help

I Surrender

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I have to work hard to stay clear,
present, awake, open.
When my beautiful children mention going to dinner
to celebrate their dad’s birthday
with the other woman,
when they say her name,
I just want to vomit.
I want to stomp up and down
and scream out
THIS ISN’T FAIR.
But I’m attending two 12 step meetings
every week now,
and I know enough by now
to turn this one over to my Higher Power.
Now God, show me how to contain myself.
Show me how to be an adult.
Show me how to forgive.
Show me what to do with this sadness.
I give up.
I surrender.
Now can you take this pain away?

Unexpected Grace

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And then it happens…
out of nowhere,
unexpected grace.
The burden lightens,
my stomach is untied
from knots of anxiety
and I know my place.
I breathe, I remember
who I am,
why I am here,
and I relax into this knowing,
this knowing that is enough
to recognize the expanse
of what I do not know.
I gravitate toward beauty,
because it shows me
the truth of reality,
what matters in time
and what is timeless,
what is dear to the soul of me.
Come grace,
pour over me,
open me,
show me how to
reflect your beauty
back into the world I see.

Not Today

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I was down again today.
Tired.
Had a spat with my sister,
was triggered, lost it.
I slammed and screamed
around my house
like a lunatic.
I took a bath seething
hotter than the steaming water.
Then, exhaustion.
I felt weary, alone,
and so completely low.
I wrote to God,
asking him to strike me down.
I asked What’s the point
of struggling like this?
I asked Why should I
keep suffering like this?
I told God I was so tired
of all of it. I told God
I was ready to die.
Then I cried
and cried and cried
some more.
I texted a friend.
No answer.
I spoke briefly with my mother.
She didn’t know what to say.
I hung up and cried more.
I tried texting my friend again.
No answer. Again.
More crying.
Crying in my kitchen.
Crying the laundry room.
Crying in the hall.
Crying in my bedroom.
Crying until I was blind.
Finally I tried another friend.
She said, “Wanna bring your kids over for pizza?”
Thank you God.
I guess today isn’t the day to die.

Help Me Create An Angels Playlist

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Hi friends…as I was wallowing in my sorrow and misery a few days ago, something reminded me that I’m not alone, and suddenly I had this idea to reach out here…I mean, why not? What if this blog could be a place of connection and collaboration as well as a forum for self-exploration?  I became excited thinking about joining minds and energy for a common purpose, and these days any excitement at all is a step in the right direction, so I decided to go for it.

My first idea for a collaborative project is super simple and easy:  it’s a call for songs that make you feel uplifted and inspired, that break your heart open and remind you of the presence of the Divine in your life.

I have always loved the idea of angels watching over us…and music is one of the ways that I feel the Divine communicates with us.  What if we co-created an Angels playlist, made entirely of beautiful music that speaks directly to our souls??  Do you know of any songs that have an angelic feel or theme to them?  What if we put all of our songs together and created a playlist that would be comforting, soothing, welcoming, uplifting, healing, inspiring?  What if  this music could help some fellow wayfarers on the path feel a little less alone, a little more inspired, hopeful?

Please leave a comment with your top 1-3 divinely inspired songs and any pertinent info that will help me to find them (album, artist, etc.).  Once I have a few song titles I’ll create a playlist on Spotify and share it here.  Thanks so much for your help, friends.  I look forward to hearing from you.

With hope and gratitude,

Lorien

Reach Out

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If you’re feeling lost, alone,
sad, angry, hopeless,
depressed, at wit’s end
or otherwise fed up completely
with life,
do not,
I repeat DO NOT isolate yourself!
Reach out.
It might seem like the last thing
you want to do,
but please, friend,
REACH OUT.
I’m going through
some difficult stuff right now,
and I decided to do something different
from what I’ve done before.
In the past,
I have isolated myself
and spiraled into deep depression,
but not this time.
This time I have reached out
to friends, family, coworkers,
and people I don’t know well
but whom I admire
and guess what?
The outpouring of love,
compassion, humor,
support, insight
and positivity
has given me a new lease of life.
I thought my whole life would fall apart,
but I feel fine.
In fact, I feel more than fine,
because this time it’s different.
Instead of feeling worthless
like I did in the past,
I remember how much I matter.
And guess what?
You matter too!
Remember,
if you’re down in the dumps,
REACH OUT!
You can do it!
((((BIG HUGS))))

 

PS You can reach out here too, you know, in the comments section. Just saying. ❤ 😀

I’ll Do It Anyway

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He is in pain
and there is nothing we can do about it.
He has been to doctors of all kinds
and no one knows what is causing it.
He has tried exercises, supplements,
undergone all sorts of tests and imaging
and now he is trying to modify his diet.
I feel helpless watching him suffer.
He manages to work through it
because he wants to continue
to support our family,
worries what would become of us
if he couldn’t work…
He comes home, grimacing
from the pain in his back.
I rub that gooey green gel on him
when we both know it won’t do much.
Again I feel helpless.
I don’t want to see him suffer.
There is nothing I can do for him…
And then today I remember tonglen,
the taking and sending practice.
I sit
and picture him in front of me.
I visualize breathing his pain
into the vast inner space of my heart,
so that he doesn’t have to suffer anymore.
I breathe out, seeing him
healing, feeling good, feeling happy,
balanced, at ease, at peace.
I do this over and over again
for thirty minutes.
Later in the day I ask
How are you feeling honey?
Actually, not so bad today he says.
Dare I think my meditation helped him?
Dare I think it didn’t?
It doesn’t matter.
I’ll keep doing it anyway.