Tag Archives: help

Thank God for Miracles!

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Today I accomplished two of three
big things I had to get done this weekend.
One remains. The biggest one.
I’m leading a four hour training
teaching yoga teachers
how to teach restorative yoga.
I was getting myself geared up
to feel anxious and down on myself
for leaving the prep
until the last moment,
and then
I remembered
the way we talk to ourselves really matters.
I remembered
criticism withers
and praise builds us up.
I decided to be nice to myself.
I decided it could be pleasurable
to prepare this training
for those who are attending.
I realized that the procrastination is a habit
and so is the self-recrimination…
and I can choose to change it…
all of it.
I prayed.
I prayed to give my trainees
the tools they need
to add the most value
to their students’ lives.
Spirit whispered in my ear…
and I followed the orders I was given.
I went into my old laptop
and discovered a handout
I prepared years ago
with all the information
I want to share with my trainees tomorrow.
So…I don’t have so much prep to do after all.
Thank god for all miracles, big and small!

Humble Prayers For Help

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Help us, God,
help us to let go
and surrender into
your love.
Help this one,
this control freak,
to recognize
she has no control.
Let her breathe and relax.
Help this one,
this workaholic,
remember
that he will one day die.
Let him stop and be with his family.
Help this beautiful child
recognize her greatness
and help this precious one
value his many gifts.
Give us strength to become
all we were born to be.
Make us all new in your love.
Show us how to trust in you and your ways.
We’re tired of trying so hard
to figure this out.
We just want to know your rhythm,
your melody and harmony,
your accompaniment, chorus,
verse and refrain.
Thank you God
for helping us…again.

How To Avoid Suicide

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It feels too hard,
and I don’t want to try any more.
I want to quit, to give up,
to run away,
shut the world out,
shut down,
close my eyes
and never wake up.
********
Breathe.
BREATHE.
BREATHE NOW.
********
Call a friend.
Let them listen.
Cry.
Cry more.
Cry even more.
Thank your friend for listening.
Let your friend pray for you.
Cry while she prays.
Cry when she stops praying.
Thank your friend for her prayers.
*********
Now. Make lunch.
A picnic lunch.
Pack it up.
*********
Now take your kids and go outside.
Meet up with a young woman
who has gone through similar struggles.
Listen.
Hear her.
Listen more.
See that you struggled
so that you could understand her,
see her,
help her.
HELP HER.
*********
Get out of your head
and into your heart.
Think about someone else.
Realize your struggles weren’t in vain,
because you can help someone
move through theirs
with more grace and ease.
**********
Drive back home.
Take a shower.
Make dinner.
Read your kids a bedtime story.
Write in your gratitude journal.
Go to bed.
There, you did it.
You made it through another day.
**********
NOW,
REST.

I Surrender

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I have to work hard to stay clear,
present, awake, open.
When my beautiful children mention going to dinner
to celebrate their dad’s birthday
with the other woman,
when they say her name,
I just want to vomit.
I want to stomp up and down
and scream out
THIS ISN’T FAIR.
But I’m attending two 12 step meetings
every week now,
and I know enough by now
to turn this one over to my Higher Power.
Now God, show me how to contain myself.
Show me how to be an adult.
Show me how to forgive.
Show me what to do with this sadness.
I give up.
I surrender.
Now can you take this pain away?

Unexpected Grace

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And then it happens…
out of nowhere,
unexpected grace.
The burden lightens,
my stomach is untied
from knots of anxiety
and I know my place.
I breathe, I remember
who I am,
why I am here,
and I relax into this knowing,
this knowing that is enough
to recognize the expanse
of what I do not know.
I gravitate toward beauty,
because it shows me
the truth of reality,
what matters in time
and what is timeless,
what is dear to the soul of me.
Come grace,
pour over me,
open me,
show me how to
reflect your beauty
back into the world I see.

Not Today

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I was down again today.
Tired.
Had a spat with my sister,
was triggered, lost it.
I slammed and screamed
around my house
like a lunatic.
I took a bath seething
hotter than the steaming water.
Then, exhaustion.
I felt weary, alone,
and so completely low.
I wrote to God,
asking him to strike me down.
I asked What’s the point
of struggling like this?
I asked Why should I
keep suffering like this?
I told God I was so tired
of all of it. I told God
I was ready to die.
Then I cried
and cried and cried
some more.
I texted a friend.
No answer.
I spoke briefly with my mother.
She didn’t know what to say.
I hung up and cried more.
I tried texting my friend again.
No answer. Again.
More crying.
Crying in my kitchen.
Crying the laundry room.
Crying in the hall.
Crying in my bedroom.
Crying until I was blind.
Finally I tried another friend.
She said, “Wanna bring your kids over for pizza?”
Thank you God.
I guess today isn’t the day to die.

Help Me Create An Angels Playlist

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Hi friends…as I was wallowing in my sorrow and misery a few days ago, something reminded me that I’m not alone, and suddenly I had this idea to reach out here…I mean, why not? What if this blog could be a place of connection and collaboration as well as a forum for self-exploration?  I became excited thinking about joining minds and energy for a common purpose, and these days any excitement at all is a step in the right direction, so I decided to go for it.

My first idea for a collaborative project is super simple and easy:  it’s a call for songs that make you feel uplifted and inspired, that break your heart open and remind you of the presence of the Divine in your life.

I have always loved the idea of angels watching over us…and music is one of the ways that I feel the Divine communicates with us.  What if we co-created an Angels playlist, made entirely of beautiful music that speaks directly to our souls??  Do you know of any songs that have an angelic feel or theme to them?  What if we put all of our songs together and created a playlist that would be comforting, soothing, welcoming, uplifting, healing, inspiring?  What if  this music could help some fellow wayfarers on the path feel a little less alone, a little more inspired, hopeful?

Please leave a comment with your top 1-3 divinely inspired songs and any pertinent info that will help me to find them (album, artist, etc.).  Once I have a few song titles I’ll create a playlist on Spotify and share it here.  Thanks so much for your help, friends.  I look forward to hearing from you.

With hope and gratitude,

Lorien

Reach Out

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If you’re feeling lost, alone,
sad, angry, hopeless,
depressed, at wit’s end
or otherwise fed up completely
with life,
do not,
I repeat DO NOT isolate yourself!
Reach out.
It might seem like the last thing
you want to do,
but please, friend,
REACH OUT.
I’m going through
some difficult stuff right now,
and I decided to do something different
from what I’ve done before.
In the past,
I have isolated myself
and spiraled into deep depression,
but not this time.
This time I have reached out
to friends, family, coworkers,
and people I don’t know well
but whom I admire
and guess what?
The outpouring of love,
compassion, humor,
support, insight
and positivity
has given me a new lease of life.
I thought my whole life would fall apart,
but I feel fine.
In fact, I feel more than fine,
because this time it’s different.
Instead of feeling worthless
like I did in the past,
I remember how much I matter.
And guess what?
You matter too!
Remember,
if you’re down in the dumps,
REACH OUT!
You can do it!
((((BIG HUGS))))

 

PS You can reach out here too, you know, in the comments section. Just saying. ❤ 😀

I’ll Do It Anyway

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He is in pain
and there is nothing we can do about it.
He has been to doctors of all kinds
and no one knows what is causing it.
He has tried exercises, supplements,
undergone all sorts of tests and imaging
and now he is trying to modify his diet.
I feel helpless watching him suffer.
He manages to work through it
because he wants to continue
to support our family,
worries what would become of us
if he couldn’t work…
He comes home, grimacing
from the pain in his back.
I rub that gooey green gel on him
when we both know it won’t do much.
Again I feel helpless.
I don’t want to see him suffer.
There is nothing I can do for him…
And then today I remember tonglen,
the taking and sending practice.
I sit
and picture him in front of me.
I visualize breathing his pain
into the vast inner space of my heart,
so that he doesn’t have to suffer anymore.
I breathe out, seeing him
healing, feeling good, feeling happy,
balanced, at ease, at peace.
I do this over and over again
for thirty minutes.
Later in the day I ask
How are you feeling honey?
Actually, not so bad today he says.
Dare I think my meditation helped him?
Dare I think it didn’t?
It doesn’t matter.
I’ll keep doing it anyway.