This is what Life keeps telling me.
Don’t be so stingy.
Don’t hold on to so much.
You have so much already.
Why would you want to have more?
You arrived with nothing
and you’ll leave with nothing.
Lighten your earthly burden.
You need to give more.
This push-pull of existence,
like the rise and fall of the waves
the transition of summer into fall
how the moon makes way for the sun
how the stars fade at dawn
how what I once thought was love
turns out to be another story.
And what is the moral here?
Holding on to something past its time hurts,
but only one hundred percent of the time.
Sometimes the only answer is letting go.
We are afraid of letting go,
but the suffering comes from holding on.
Everything is changing,
this is the one constant of this universe.
Why hold on?
Why try to shrink and hide?
The cosmos is infinitely grand
with wide open arms,
ready to catch your big-hearted leap
into the vast space of being.
I am a descendant
of a long line of hoarders.
My father’s mother grew up
during the Great Depression
with six siblings and her mother.
Her father died in the shipyard
when she was nine years old.
Without her husband there to earn income for the family
her mother was forced to work
to make ends meet,
which they often didn’t.
I can see why she held on to things,
and how her holding
led my father to hold on also.
The Great Depression ended a long time ago
But its energy lives on–
the energy of lack
of fear of lack
of grasping what is known
in the face of so many unknowns.
I have worked hard
at letting go,
because I don’t want to walk down this
path of fear, of holding on.
today as I was sorting through things
to pack for our upcoming move
I looked at clothes my children wore
as tiny newborns.
I looked at my daughter’s receiving blankets
my father’s music box
some beautiful yarn that I have had for years
just waiting to be knitted into something
soft and warm…
And I thought,
“How can I let go of this?”
Maybe I can let myself hold on
until I’m ready to let go.
Maybe I don’t have to hold on to the idea
that I must let go.
Maybe, in this moment,
I can let go of ideas
about who I think I am
so that I can be who I actually am
celebrating the mystery
beyond holding on and letting go.