Tag Archives: home schooling

Shifting

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I felt like I wasn’t taking enough time for nourishment,
so I spent some time in the kitchen yesterday and today,
making myself nourishing soups and salads…what a triumph!
But then I didn’t sew as many masks as I thought I would,
and I just felt tired from standing, chopping, cooking,
and what I really wanted was someone to cook for me.
Last weekend I was productive, making multiple masks a day,
but I didn’t get to my meditation until very late,
and I felt so off from not beginning my day with meditation,
as I have been doing for over eight years now.
The week before that my meditation practice was simply sublime,
but my kitchen was a disaster and I was terribly hungry
and tried to ignore my body’s hunger signs (which is bad, don’t do that)
and gave myself meager rations of whatever
because I didn’t want to bother with cooking.
When my kids are here they drive me crazy with their bickering
and the clumsy way they thunder about the piles of disorganization
and when they’re gone my nervous system goes haywire
because we are hardwired to gather close when times are tough…
I crave space when my home is noisy with my children’s needs,
and I crave their voices when the silence in my house feels too spacious…
How do I find balance when the center is always shifting?

Public Uncertainty

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She is five now,
my little baby is five.
Monday we will register her for kindergarten.
I’m scared.

All of these forms are a nuisance,
but that’s not what I’m scared about.
I’m scared that the public school system will ruin her.

I worked there, in the public school system,
for five years
I worked hard there,
and I took care of my students, I loved them.
But will she be loved?

She is so vibrant, so creative–
will that spark be nurtured?

I contemplate home schooling,
letting her move when she needs to move,
eat when she’s hungry,
rest when she’s tired.

What will happen
when she is hungry and it isn’t time to eat,
or she’s tired and it isn’t time to rest,
or she wants to move and leap and dance,
and she is told to “SIT DOWN!” ?

What then?
Will she turn into me,
wanting to eat,
wanting to rest,
wanting to move,
wanting to create,
and always waiting for permission?

I’m scared.