C’mon, admit it to me—
You weren’t in love with the routine anyway!
You ritualistically grumbled
At the dawn of each new day
And resented the tasks asked of you.
C’mon, be honest, admit it—
You didn’t have much to lose!
Only your attachment to control,
Your belief in an uncaring universe,
Your inability to recognize how blessed you were.
Let’s be frank with one another.
This whole global pandemic is a gift!
It’s an opportunity to slow down and see
The lies you were telling to you
The lies I was telling to me.
Listen closely to me.
THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY.
An opportunity to be free.
To slow down and see what really matters to you.
What really matters to me.
Slow down, beloved. Breathe.
It’s all good, you see?
Woke up this morning,
said to myself
It’s time to apply for unemployment.
Right in the middle,
the website crashed.
I couldn’t log on to my kids’ iPad
to install the Kids’ Messenger app
because I had forgotten my
Apple ID password,
and there was a whole process involved to reset it.
Then I couldn’t log on to my Human Resources account
to cash in my ONE hour of paid sick leave
and this is after going back and forth via email
with someone from HR this whole week.
Then my friend told me an email she sent
got bounced back…
one of my email accounts has a totally full inbox.
I’m thinking to myself,
I mean, really all that happened
is that I’m home and finally have the time
to take the lid off this can of worms.
Technology feels gross right now.
But it’s the only way to stay connected right now.
So I need to get over myself
and just handle this can of worms.
The way you doing anything
is the way you do everything.
So, if you’re really honest with yourself,
are you handling this pandemic
the way you handle
(what was) your everyday life?
Is it a crisis? Are you panicking?
Does it feel like something is missing?
Like you should have known better,
or done more, or saved more,
or created more by now?
Do you have regrets?
Do you yearn for what was?
And how is this thinking different
from the way you were thinking
before the $hit hit the fan? Honestly?
you decided to elevate your mind
to a state of gratitude?
What if you started searching
for the opportunities present
in this challenge?
What if you decided to leverage
your gifts, talents and abilities
in service of humankind, right now?
the way you do anything
is the way you do everything.
After all this time practicing presence,
all this work appreciating possibility,
all this meditation on realizing my potential,
I recognize that I’m just as attached
to my carefully crated reality
as everyone else.
When faced with the loss of everything familiar,
I can’t help but panic, mourn, grieve.
It’s humbling to admit
after saying so many times
I wanted my life to change
that now all I am I doing is
craving the routine.
I am making peace with my humanness
because not to make peace is insanity.
I have come to realize that the struggle for survival
is over, and so I no longer need to act
as if my life is a struggle.
To truly love is to be deeply honest
and to move and speak and give
from that deep core of truth.
It’s normal to feel tired when you’re working hard
and it’s normal to feel tired when you’re
thinking about working hard
yet feeling directionless, unsure.
It’s ok not to know.
It’s ok to make mistakes.
It’s ok to be who you really are,
without pretense, without the drive to impress.
Authenticity is the new sexy.
Knowing that we will all eventually
be met with the same unavoidable end,
I’d like to live in such a way
that if the end came suddenly
then I could go in peace,
feeling complete with what I have done,
how I have given and received love.
Being honest with myself,
I can see I have a long way to go
before such peace is attained.
Looks like I better get crackin’.
What if I could experience myself as good enough?
What if I could see my life as good enough?
What if I saw myself as a good enough mom?
What if I really believed I was a good enough teacher,
daughter, neighbor, artist, sister, musician, cousin, friend?
If I stopped telling the story that there is something wrong with me
and started telling a new one called
I AM ENOUGH
What would happen then?