Tag Archives: honesty

πŸ‘»GhostedπŸ‘»

Standard

We went on some wonderful dates.
First date: A twenty-mile bike ride.
Second date: Kayaking on the lake, then sushi,
then yoga on an outdoor covered stage
during a thunderstorm.
Third date: Rock climbing,
swinging in my hammock,
heart full of possibility.
All dates: Amazing conversation,
many points of common interest,
lots of laughter.
We had a fourth date last Thursday.
He kissed me! I was thrilled!
We talked about moving forward with each other.
I felt myself falling in love!
We made plans for Monday.
And then…
And then…
Saturday came and there was no word from him.
It was hard for me to enjoy the 4th of July
because I felt so much angst and uncertainty.
Sunday came and there was no word from him.
It was hard for me to enjoy the 5th of July
because I felt so much sadness and confusion.
Monday came and there was no word from him.
It was hard for me to enjoy the 6th of July
because I felt so much heartbreak and devastation.
πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»
πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»He ghosted me.πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»
πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»
With the ghostly memories of our wonderful dates
moaning and wailing in my ears,
I kept asking, Why? Why?
What did I do wrong?

Heart broken, sad,
ashamed that I had let my guard down
and shown a man my heart
after three long years of…
no…man…at all…
I reached out to make sure he was safe.
He said, Can we be friends?
I began to feel angry at life, angry at God,
angry at myself for risking being hurt again.
I wanted to crawl under a rock
and go back to living like a nun.
My friend and my sister said,
Just get back on those dating sites
and see what happens.

I have a first date scheduled for Friday:
Coffee
I have a first date scheduled for Saturday:
Hiking
I have a first date scheduled for Sunday:
Kayaking Big Gunpowder Falls.
Wish me luck.

Such A Beautiful Place

Standard

If I can drop a little deeper
below the surface of the mind
that is always problem-solving
and strategizing,
I arrive at a place where all is well.
Don’t get me wrong,
the world is still the world,
and there is still a Pandemic happening,
there are still bills to be paid
and an ex-husband to negotiate with
and a house to clean
and meals to prepare
and laundry to be done.
There is still a heart that yearns open
for a beautiful partner to share love with.
There is still the feeling of vulnerability
that comes with such deep sharing,
and the fear that I will never be met
the way I long to be met.
There is still the exhaustion one feels
being the only adult in the house
with two very active children
who still don’t know
how to pick up after themselves.
Yes, all of these things still exist,
as I am a human woman
living on this earth.
But if I can drop a little deeper
below the surface of the mind
that is always problem-solving
and strategizing,
I arrive at a place where all is well.
It is such a beautiful place.
And this is why I practice.

NaPoWriMo 2020 Day 12

Standard

I had fun with this one, friends! If you haven’t created a triolet before, try it out. Here’s the NaPoWriMo prompt for the day. And here is my triolet…🌱
πŸŒ³πŸ’πŸŒ·πŸŒ²πŸŒ³πŸŒ²πŸŒ³πŸŒ³πŸŒ²πŸƒπŸ’πŸŒ·πŸŒ³πŸ’πŸŒ·πŸŒ²πŸŒ³πŸŒ²πŸŒ³πŸŒ³πŸŒ²πŸƒπŸ’πŸŒ·

A Triolet For A Spring Evening

Because it is dusk and the light is receding
I’ll speak my heart quickly and be on my way.
I never told you what I was really needing
because it is dusk and the light is receding
and any words you speak may be misleading…
You appear much different in the light of day.
Because it is dusk and the light is receding
I’ll speak my heart quickly and be on my way.

πŸŒ³πŸ’πŸŒ·πŸŒ²πŸŒ³πŸŒ²πŸŒ³πŸŒ³πŸŒ²πŸƒπŸ’πŸŒ·πŸŒ³πŸ’πŸŒ·πŸŒ²πŸŒ³πŸŒ²πŸŒ³πŸŒ³πŸŒ²πŸƒπŸ’πŸŒ·

Honesty

Standard

C’mon, admit it to meβ€”

You weren’t in love with the routine anyway!

You ritualistically grumbled

At the dawn of each new day

And resented the tasks asked of you.

C’mon, be honest, admit itβ€”

You didn’t have much to lose!

Only your attachment to control,

Your belief in an uncaring universe,

Your inability to recognize how blessed you were.

Let’s be frank with one another.

This whole global pandemic is a gift!

It’s an opportunity to slow down and see

The lies you were telling to you

The lies I was telling to me.

Seriously.

Listen closely to me.

THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY.

An opportunity to be free.

To slow down and see what really matters to you.

What really matters to me.

Slow down, beloved. Breathe.

It’s all good, you see?

Can of Worms

Standard

Woke up this morning,
said to myself
It’s time to apply for unemployment.
Right in the middle,
the website crashed.
I couldn’t log on to my kids’ iPad
to install the Kids’ Messenger app
because I had forgotten my
Apple ID password,
and there was a whole process involved to reset it.
Then I couldn’t log on to my Human Resources account
to cash in my ONE hour of paid sick leave
and this is after going back and forth via email
with someone from HR this whole week.
Then my friend told me an email she sent
got bounced back…
one of my email accounts has a totally full inbox.
I’m thinking to myself,
Screw technology.
I mean, really all that happened
is that I’m home and finally have the time
to take the lid off this can of worms.
Ew.
Technology feels gross right now.
But it’s the only way to stay connected right now.
So I need to get over myself
and just handle this can of worms.

The Way You Do Anything…

Standard

The way you doing anything
is the way you do everything.
So, if you’re really honest with yourself,
are you handling this pandemic
the way you handle
(what was) your everyday life?
Is it a crisis? Are you panicking?
Does it feel like something is missing?
Like you should have known better,
or done more, or saved more,
or created more by now?
Do you have regrets?
Do you yearn for what was?
And how is this thinking different
from the way you were thinking
before the $hit hit the fan? Honestly?
What if…
you decided to elevate your mind
to a state of gratitude?
What if you started searching
for the opportunities present
in this challenge?
What if you decided to leverage
your gifts, talents and abilities
in service of humankind, right now?
Just remember…
the way you do anything
is the way you do everything.

Craving the Routine

Standard

After all this time practicing presence,
all this work appreciating possibility,
all this meditation on realizing my potential,
I recognize that I’m just as attached
to my carefully crated reality
as everyone else.
When faced with the loss of everything familiar,
I can’t help but panic, mourn, grieve.
It’s humbling to admit
after saying so many times
I wanted my life to change
that now all I am I doing is
craving the routine.

The New Sexy

Standard

I am making peace with my humanness
because not to make peace is insanity.
I have come to realize that the struggle for survival
is over, and so I no longer need to act
as if my life is a struggle.
To truly love is to be deeply honest
and to move and speak and give
from that deep core of truth.
It’s normal to feel tired when you’re working hard
and it’s normal to feel tired when you’re
thinking about working hard
yet feeling directionless, unsure.
It’s ok not to know.
It’s ok to make mistakes.
It’s ok to be who you really are,
without pretense, without the drive to impress.
Authenticity is the new sexy.

Get Crackin’

Standard

Knowing that we will all eventually
be met with the same unavoidable end,
I’d like to live in such a way
that if the end came suddenly
then I could go in peace,
feeling complete with what I have done,
how I have given and received love.
Being honest with myself,
I can see I have a long way to go
before such peace is attained.
Looks like I better get crackin’.

I Wonder

Standard

What if I could experience myself as good enough?
What if I could see my life as good enough?
What if I saw myself as a good enough mom?
What if I really believed I was a good enough teacher,
daughter, neighbor, artist, sister, musician, cousin, friend?
If I stopped telling the story that there is something wrong with me
and started telling a new one called
I AM ENOUGH
What would happen then?
I wonder…