We women are a special breed—
—we can get through anything.
She was helping me change the address
on my license and scan the documents
proving my identity.
If you wake up
everything else is just a bonus.
I asked her to make me laugh
as she took the picture
for my new license
(my new lease on life).
She asked me to smile for the team.
I told her my ex was a fan
and since then I’ve been looking the other way,
but I’m glad to hear they’re doing well.
Girl she said shaking her head
C’mon now, it don’t have to be like that.
She was right. It don’t.
I was sifting through
mountains of papers
looking for something.
One of the mountains shifted,
sending an avalanche to the floor.
And then in the next second,
And I said,
Okay, me too.
So I fell to the floor,
lay down on my back,
stared up at the track lighting
on my ceiling.
Here we all are, on the floor.
I felt my body was tired.
I didn’t want to search anymore.
I knew that whatever it was,
either it would turn up,
or I would replace it.
So I went upstairs,
and I got in bed,
and had dreams
about mountains and avalanches.
Sometimes there just isn’t any inspiration.
And that’s okay.
Thank you for this day.
Thank you for waking me up again.
Thank you for giving me strength
to make it through,
even when I’m tired, sick,
and all I want to do is rest.
Thank you for helping me to be
the most loving mom I can be to my kids,
for tending to their needs joyfully, patiently,
and with gratitude that I was blessed with children
(even when sometimes I wish I weren’t!).
Thank you for cleansing my heart
of envy when I see husbands
taking care of their wives
with love in their eyes.
Help me to embrace my loneliness,
so that if it is your will one day,
I might celebrate partnership again.
It’s time to retire to a quieter place;
my body aches from the work I’ve done
and I need some time to recover.
My plan is to slow down, rest.
When I awaken
I’ll face the mess.
Bit by bit I’ll keep what matters
and let go everything else.
Possessions, relationships, thoughts, behaviors,
it’s time to look at all of it and choose.
Don’t wait until the end of the day
to say the good things in your heart.
By the end of the day
your tired body and mind will speak louder,
and what comes out then
will not be nearly as helpful
as the sweet nectar flowing from
your gloriously loving heart.
The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.—Marcus Aurelius, 121-180 c.e.
I sit down to write and feel blocked
because my open and honest expression
might be twisted and used as evidence
by the one I formerly trusted with my heart
that there is something wrong with me.
(That something wrong being that I’m a human
going through a particularly tough time.)
And so I embrace a sort of forced positivity,
which cannot be all bad, right?
I mean, for God’s sake,
I have clean drinking water, on demand,
water to bathe with, a toilet inside my house…
This puts me in the top 20% of the world’s population.
I have voting rights.
I have my health.
I have my mind.
I have a college education.
I have work that I love
and two beautiful children
and an opportunity to start over fresh
every single blessed day.
In essence, I’m being blocked from complaining,
and this impediment to complaints
advances my ability to celebrate what is working.
This open and honest expression
might also be twisted and used as evidence
that there is someting wrong with me,
but if this is the case,
then it only reveals what is wrong
with the reasoning faculties
of the person doing the twisting and judging.
Therefore, thank you, dear soul,
for giving me cause to pause
and go on a negativity diet.
I shall grow fat with gratitude and grace.