Tag Archives: hope

πŸ‘»GhostedπŸ‘»

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We went on some wonderful dates.
First date: A twenty-mile bike ride.
Second date: Kayaking on the lake, then sushi,
then yoga on an outdoor covered stage
during a thunderstorm.
Third date: Rock climbing,
swinging in my hammock,
heart full of possibility.
All dates: Amazing conversation,
many points of common interest,
lots of laughter.
We had a fourth date last Thursday.
He kissed me! I was thrilled!
We talked about moving forward with each other.
I felt myself falling in love!
We made plans for Monday.
And then…
And then…
Saturday came and there was no word from him.
It was hard for me to enjoy the 4th of July
because I felt so much angst and uncertainty.
Sunday came and there was no word from him.
It was hard for me to enjoy the 5th of July
because I felt so much sadness and confusion.
Monday came and there was no word from him.
It was hard for me to enjoy the 6th of July
because I felt so much heartbreak and devastation.
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πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»He ghosted me.πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»
πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»
With the ghostly memories of our wonderful dates
moaning and wailing in my ears,
I kept asking, Why? Why?
What did I do wrong?

Heart broken, sad,
ashamed that I had let my guard down
and shown a man my heart
after three long years of…
no…man…at all…
I reached out to make sure he was safe.
He said, Can we be friends?
I began to feel angry at life, angry at God,
angry at myself for risking being hurt again.
I wanted to crawl under a rock
and go back to living like a nun.
My friend and my sister said,
Just get back on those dating sites
and see what happens.

I have a first date scheduled for Friday:
Coffee
I have a first date scheduled for Saturday:
Hiking
I have a first date scheduled for Sunday:
Kayaking Big Gunpowder Falls.
Wish me luck.

We Will Get Through This

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Being ok with change takes practice,
so don’t be hard on yourself
for not taking this well.
We are hardwired to gravitate
toward familiarityβ€”
it’s how we all survived this long,
so in a deep, instinctive way,
we all yearn to get back to “normal.”
And yet…
we were made for these times.
This is what we have been preparing for.
So, beloveds, take a deep breath,
be extra kind, gentle and loving with yourself,
hold all your hurting parts with tenderness.
Change is hard and
sometimes life sucks,
but you aren’t alone.
We will get through this together.

Gratitude: Day 20 of 48

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It works if you work it.

I ended up in a twelve step meeting
a couple of months after my husband decided
he no longer wanted to be married anymore.
I was devastated; having trouble eating and sleeping,
feeling isolated because I had lost a lot of friends
in the separation.
The coach I was working with suggested a meeting,
and found one for me in town.
The first meeting I inwardly criticized the room,
thought it needed to be redecorated.
The second meeting I realized everyone in my life
is codependent.
The third meeting I started to believe that the program
might help me if I worked it.
Two and a half years later,
I know my program has saved my life.
I have found a sponsor and am working the steps
slowly but surely…
getting ready to do a fourth step soon.
When I was ready to give up on life,
this program showed up to demonstrate
that grace is active in my life,
and I am truly grateful.

The Strong One is You

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When the light fades
and we are plunged in darkness,
we look to the strong ones
who remember the light,
who can encourage us to remember too.
When your dark time comes,
may you find such a strong one
to lift you up and remind you of the truth.
And maybe, just maybe,
that strong one is YOU.

It’s Time

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When my happiness depends
on the actions of others
I’ve given my power away.
When my peace depends
on certain conditions being met
I’ve given my power away.
When I rely on someone else
to help me to feel a certain way
I’ve given my power away.
When I believe I need something
from someone in order to move forward
I’ve given my power away.
I gave my power away too many times.
Now it’s time to call it back.

On My Terms

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Something has changed.
I don’t feel so stuck.
I’ve chosen to stop listening to the old programming,
and replace it with something better.
I have to be vigilant.
If I don’t watch it,
the same old stuff will come cropping up,
fill my consiousness, and make me miserable:
You’re not good enough.
Your life is a mess.
You’ll never be happy.
You’re a failure.

When I start to hear that stuff
(it usually begins the moment I wake up)
I listen to my affirmations app,
or The Quote of the Day Show Podcast,
or I repeat this new mantra out loud:
I am immune to the opinions of others,
positive and negative.
I am neither greater nor lesser than anyone else.
I am fearless in the face of challenges
.
Yes, I am choosing to rigorously reprogram my mind.
Little by little, day by day,
I’m starting to feel okay about myself and my life.
Even if there are some unknowns about my future.
Even if there are some unresolved questions in my heart.
Even if I sometimes mess up…
I choose to live my life as an adventure,
a life that no one has ever lived before.
This is my life.
I choose to live it on my terms.

Listening To It

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I feel lost, alone, directionless, uncomfortable.
What is my purpose?
It says: You have no purpose.
But why I am I alive?
It says: There is no reason. You should end it.
But what about my children?
It says: They’d be better off without you.
And my yoga students?
It says: You’ve been lying to them all along.
It’s time they knew the truth.

But surely this will one day get better?
It says: Not for you. You will never be happy.
But what about nature? The sun? The forest?
The cycles of life?
It says: What about them? You’re still depressed.
You’ll always be depressed. Face it. End it.

But I can’t do that to them. To my friends. My family.
It says: Why not? They don’t care. Not really.
Not enough to help you or save you.

I know there are other voices in my head.
Why is It the loudest?

Look Out World!

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If I can just relax long enough to see it,
I can recognize that I am safe in this moment,
and that everything I was getting worked up about
was just stored memory in my body-mind.
I am actively trying to retrain this body-mind
to receive the message that ALL IS WELL
so that I can operate from a mindset of peace
rather than from one of reactivity.
Although the bulk of my work is invisible,
things are changing.
And when my inner world aligns
with the miraculous realm of
infinite possibility,
well…
LOOK OUT WORLD!