For the longest time I thought I was incomplete. It felt like there were so many missing pieces. I searched outside of myself for the answers. I recruited men to help me feel complete. I was married for nine years, and one day he said it was over. In my devastation, I found IFS* and parts work. I read the book You Are the One You’ve been Waiting For. I worked really hard, attending Twelve Step Meetings, therapy, EFT tapping, prayer and meditation, reading, writing. Two and a half years later, still celibate, I can finally feel the truth: I am the one I’ve been waiting for. I really can take care of myself emotionally! Every day I am practicing self-love, self-acceptance, self-compassion. If we could all recognize that we are the ones we’ve been waiting for, life would be so much more…peaceful, fun, light, free… May we all discover the gifts within us. May we all come to cherish the beautiful beings that we are. May we come to discover that we are the ones we’ve been waiting for.
Hey, Inner Critic, it’s time we had a chat. You see, you can stop telling me I have to figure it all out, because no one has it all figured out. We’re all in a process of becoming. So stop it already with the pressure, and the anxiety, and the belief that I have to be more, do more, have more. When I’m free of you for just a moment, it’s actually quite pleasant. I can breathe and feel free in this moment, all I ever have.
I asked my inner critic to go on vacation and invited my inner child to come out of hiding. She still doesn’t trust me all the way. I don’t blame her. For so long I derived my identity from a man who was unkind to me; I tolerated the way he spoke to me, accepted crumbs of affection, thought this was the best I could do. Now I need to build trust in myself, and demonstrate to this little girl that I am strong and capable enough to provide for her, that I love her, that I am glad she is here, and she is the most important person in my life. Instead of just thinking about self-love, I am working on feeling it, living it, expressing it. God, show me how to love and care for myself the way you love and care for me.