Something beautiful is happening…
I think it might be resilience?
Wisdom gained from experience?
But as I found myself caught
in my monthly darkness today,
instead of falling all the way down
into the dark hole of depression
and believing my life was never good
and never will be good
I remembered that this was a temporary darkness,
and all I had to do was ride it out.
I prayed. I breathed.
I reassured the little girl in me
who was never allowed to feel sad or angry
that I saw her and loved her.
It didn’t change the mood.
it was still awful and dark and sad,
but some part of me knew this was temporary.
What can I call this?
That has a nice ring to it.
I think I’ll call it grace.
in the blink of an eye.
Might as well enjoy our time here.
Might as well train in
creating and expressing joy
so that this world is a brighter place
for our having passed through here.
Are you willing to take responsibility
for your own experience?
How could you feel empowered otherwise?
Are you willing to wake up
to what is truly yours
and leave me to handle what is truly mine?
If just a few of us did this
we could create heaven on earth in no time…
Focus on the positive
Even when you’re crazy tired
or feeling just plain crazy
This moment will pass.
Nothing lasts forever.
Everything is temporary.
Even when you think all is lost,
Flowers grow in the cracks of cement,
rains come to drench the parched earth.
The stars come out whether we see them or not
and the cicadas hum their strange song
whether or not we can hear them.
In this great medicine wheel of life
there is always something being offered by this moment.
Summon your courage
and be willing to take your medicine.
I’m still working on simply accepting this moment.
It may be a life long practice,
because as I really pay attention to it,
I notice that there is very little about this moment
that is like anything I’ve ever experienced before.
In fact, this moment is completely different
from anything I’ve ever lived…
and I realize that my mind that wants familiarity
was just painting a picture of the routine
over what I was living in reality,
and calling forth routine perceptions and behaviors
in response to the picture my mind has painted.
Every second that ticks by is a miracle.
Am I available to experience it?
This moment is a huge gift.
My children are changing, I am changing,
the weather is changing,
our circumstances are changing,
everything is constantly in flux.
Maybe I remove the blindfold
and see that beyond the routine
there is a fieild of infinite possibility.
May I awaken to my true nature there.
It was there,
and just as quickly,
it was gone.
Such a tease,
I thought I knew.
The rollercoaster of emotions…
I try to find ground
and discover that nothing is solid.
The world trembles and opens up
beneath my feet.
I fall and keep falling.
Even my dreams speak
of disaster, of dissolution, of death.
And what am I grieving?
It certainly wasn’t love
if it dissipates into a thin veil
and then disappears
as if it were never there.
Am I mourning what I’ve lost
or my projection
of what could have been?
Just when I thought
I had fallen as far as I could,
the ground opens up
and I start falling again.
Just when I thought
I felt as much joy,
peace, and fulfillment
as I humanly could,
my heart opens up
and reveals a deeper,
wider possibility for bliss.
Who I am, bouncing
from one extreme to the other
so quickly my head whirls?
I must be human.
What is the opposite of pretense?
Quiet, calm, radiating confidence,
lovingkindness, sweetness, joy,
Being in the presence of the monks
I’m reminded of what safety is,
and simplicity, and humility,
And it’s the inner beauty
that touches me far more deeply
than anything I look upon.
They taught us about impermanence tonight,
sweeping up the gorgeous mandala
and pouring the sand into the river.
What cannot be erased is the joy
felt by so many beloveds
sharing in this vibrant experience
of taking in such beauty
and letting it go completely.
I’ve tried to be in control
for most of my life
and where has it gotten me?
It doesn’t work,
buying into this illusion of control.
So why don’t I try something else?
What if I could simply surrender?
What if I could free up
the inner resources necessary
to really BE in this world
with my whole heart and mind?
What if I could take in
the beauty of this life
and feel gratitude welling up in my heart,
regardless of the weather
or where I live
or with whom I’m spending my time
or what kind of job I have
or clothes I’m wearing
or car I’m driving?
When all of the layers of illusion drop away
I am left with this Self, pure and simple.
This Self knows that there is nothing to control
in the outer world,
nothing that can be given or taken away.
It sits quietly, witnessing the all,
smiling, flowing into this infinite space
Even in the midst of death,
there is so much life.
When a loved one leaves us,
we remember how precious life is,
how fleeting our presence here.
I keep asking myself
what I’ll do with my time.
My body, still young and able,
can dance and run
and stand in tree pose.
My elders show me
what is yet to come
and their frail forms
Your body will change too.
I am thankful
for the turning of the seasons
and the cycles of life.
There is beauty everywhere
if only we can open our eyes
and see it.