Tag Archives: initiation

I’ll Be Here

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Miracles are everywhere.
How many you experience
depends entirely
on how open you are.

I feel so closed.
I don’t know how to be open.


Can you breathe?

Yes.

Well then, let’s breathe.
You’ll open naturally
if you breathe.

This is taking too long.
Where are the miracles?

Ah. I see.
Your impatience is what blocks you.
You must trust
with all your heart.

Trust? Why should I trust?
Nothing ever works out in my life.

Ah. Is that true, my friend?
Nothing works out?

Nothing.

Well, I can’t convince you otherwise.
Maybe I can’t help you after all.
Who am I to talk you out of your misery,
when you fight with every fiber of your being
to keep it close to you?

Let’s talk again
when you’re ready to be happy.
You’ll have to die first though.

Die?


Yes. Die.
You’ll have to die
to who you thought you were
so that you can be reborn
to who you might be.
But you must be brave.
Most won’t tolerate such an initiation.
Let me know when you’re ready.
I’ll be here.

Could It Be?

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I’ve been in agony this past year
trying to figure out how this all will end,
but could it be that this is just the beginning?
I thought my life was over
when he told me our marriage was over,
but could it be that I’m being born into new life?
I’ve cried out many times to God
asking to be given the answers…
but could it be that I wasn’t ready for answers?
Could it be that I didn’t even know the question?
I chose trust as my word of the year
and I’ve struggled to understand what trust even is.
Could it be that my struggle is the opportunity
I was asking for this whole time?
Could it be that through struggling
and surviving the struggle,
I’ll learn to trust myself?
Could all of this,
the entirety of this experience,
be one long answered prayer
as I awaken to the truth of who I really am?
Could it be?

Initiation

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Leaving on a journey of initiation.
I took a purifying bath
of lavender and epsom salts,
lit four candles,
called on four archangels
and prayed for guidance.
Let me die to who I was
so I can become
who I was born to be.
Let me surrender what I knew
to make space for what Spirit
wants me to know.
Let me look with the eyes of love.
Let my heart open wide
and my courage be expressed
for the highest good.
I go to sit in ceremony
with the Mother.
I ask her to take me into her arms,
shake from me the excess
and  reveal the tender sweetness
of raw, vulnerable being.
Pray for me.
I’ll see you on the other side.

Deeper Initiation

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The world is closing in
and my feelings overwhelm me;
there is no escape.
Wisdom speaks.
It says:
When it appears
that there is no direction to turn,
it is time to turn within.
Can I tease apart
the many layers of my grief?
Can I find the slivers of light
that make their way in
when I reach for the spaces
between the darkest thoughts?
I never knew it would be this hard.
I wonder who’ll I be
on the other end.
Someone suggested
that this is an initiation of sorts.
Initiation into what?
I know sadness, loneliness,
depression and grief too well.
Is this a deeper initiation,
a chance to crack the code
of existence itself?