Tag Archives: introspection

My Heart Says

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I show up here
wanting to say something profound.
Something about change,
and surmounting obstacles,
and moving through grief to joy.
And then…blank.
Nothing.
Maybe a little anxiety
about saying the right thing.
I’m caught up in my head again,
so I take a moment
to close my eyes,
drop into my heart,
listen.
My heart says,
Sweetheart, relax.
You don’t need to be good.
You don’t need to be profound.
Just love this body,
and love this mind,
and love this spirit.
Let this love be enough,
for now.

Contemplation, Introspection, Connection

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Starting the year gently,
in contemplation,
introspection,
and connection.
Awoke contemplating the privilege
of breathing, being alive today.
Went inwards,
asked for the Divine Plan
to be made clear,
opened my heart to
a deeper listening.
But it was the connection with my children,
looking into their bright eyes
and smiling faces,
that touched me most of all.
We walked out into the sunshine
and I remembered
that my purpose isn’t about me,
but something much greater.
This year, may the fullness of life
pour through me,
and may I live in service of
the One who brought me here.
May I honor that One
by expressing the gifts I was born with,
and may I smooth the passage
of those coming after me,
that they may journey in peace and beauty.

Deeper Initiation

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The world is closing in
and my feelings overwhelm me;
there is no escape.
Wisdom speaks.
It says:
When it appears
that there is no direction to turn,
it is time to turn within.
Can I tease apart
the many layers of my grief?
Can I find the slivers of light
that make their way in
when I reach for the spaces
between the darkest thoughts?
I never knew it would be this hard.
I wonder who’ll I be
on the other end.
Someone suggested
that this is an initiation of sorts.
Initiation into what?
I know sadness, loneliness,
depression and grief too well.
Is this a deeper initiation,
a chance to crack the code
of existence itself?

Fall Away

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How about when you finally
take a stand for the truth inside yourself?
When you decide that you’d rather spread joy
than bring pain,
and you’d live as the being you are
rather than the person someone told you
you should be…
how does that feel?
Could you drop the old beliefs
as gracefully as a tree lets go of leaves
and make room for your heart’s desires?
Tree, could you draw your sap
all the way inside to center,
look deeper, and ask for a revelation?
As you stand cold and naked in the darkness,
waiting for the light and warmth
of the rebirth,
ask yourself
What were the seeds you sowed,
and how was your harvest?
Which seeds have you saved
for the plantings in the spring?
And can you turn inwards now fearlessly,
embracing the self that remains
when the old, dry and useless fall away?

Meant To Be

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What can I say?
My old life crumbles all around me
and a new life begins to grow.
I’m busy mourning what I’ve lost
meanwhile
all these tiny miracles
are unfolding
all the time.
If I see a problem,
it’s time to look deeper,
and not outside of myself,
but inside.
Deeper still
and the boundaries I drew
between me and the world
begin to dissolve.
Even deeper
and my entire self melts away
to be replaced
with the awareness
that all of this,
without exception,
was meant to be.

Another Wild Ride

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Feel what you’re feeling, they say
Just give it time
You’ll get through this
You’ll be better off
And I hear them
and I know they mean well…
Meanwhile, my heart is breaking
into tinier and tinier pieces,
into dust
and I feel like a ghost.
I take a walk
Am I even there?
Or am I dead among the living?
I search for the meaning
in all of this suffering
I look inside
I see shock, grief, sadness,
fear, anxiety, anger.
I see hope.
I see hunger for better.
I see a woman strong,
longing for the sweet freedom
waiting on the other side.
Feel what you’re feeling.
Surfing the waves of these wild emotions…
I buckle up for another wild ride.

Blame the Moon

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I woke up early
to sit and do the Work today.
After a rough night in which
I brought my four year old son to our bed
and ended up dragging myself off to sleep in his,
I was up a little before 5,
ready to spend some time with my thoughts.
After my sit
I stepped outside to witness the supermoon,
a vibrant beauty hovering just above the horizon
as the sun began to show hints of its arrival.
And then coffee, a bowl of cereal,
then my journal open, pen poised,
ready for the Work.
Scribbling furiously
page after page
I managed to bring myself
from resentment over loss of sleep
to gratitude for this sweet life with my little family.
There isn’t some special kind of magic in my pen–
Just the normal kind.
It’s the same kind of magic you’d find in any pen–
the magic to look back at one’s thoughts
and see how the whole universe
is our own projection,
the power to understand
how believing in our thoughts
is a choice
and the will to investigate those thoughts
is a superpower.
I realized, chuckling,
that if I were going to blame my husband
for my loss of sleep,
then I might as well
blame the moon.
And who could blame the moon?