Tag Archives: introvert

What I Yearn For

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I’m discovering that I need people to be happy.
I’m noticing that when I’m around people
I feel good.
I eat.
I laugh.
I feel happy.
But when I’m by myself,
I become depressed.
I don’t eat.
I feel worthless.
I’m trying to bring more
meaningful connection
into my life,
but connection takes time and energy.
And motivation.
How do I find the energy and motivation
to connect
when I’ve been alone for so long
that I’m feeling heavy and depressed?
What came first…the loneliness or the depression?
I sense that I’ve had this feeling for a long, long time.
Even as a child some part of me knew
I needed deep, meaningful connection,
and when I was made to be in groups
where only superficial connection was taking place,
I felt drained, listless.
I decided that I was better off by myself.
I labeled myself as an introvert,
and I’ve spent a lot of my life just wanting to be away from people.
But now I see a distinction to be made.
Connection is so much more
than being with someone for the sake of not being alone…
It’s being together with a sense of purpose,
engaging in co-evolution, exploration, sharing, growth.
Relating heart to heart, mind to mind, soul to soul—
this is what I yearn for.

My Ordinary Life

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I woke up this morning with a lightness,
was able to get so much accomplished…
something had shifted,
and my mind wasn’t stuck in the same old thoughts.
I felt more like myself today
than I had felt in ages.
I took time to take care of my self,
celebrated the quietude,
seized the chance to tune in
and clear my space.
Now, freshly showered,
clean sheets on my bed,
and a warm mug of tea
steaming beside me,
I look back in gratitude.
It was an incredibly ordinary day
by mostly anyone’s standards,
but I’m feeling peaceful now.
God bless my ordinary life.