You’ve come a long way baby! You were scared to live without him and then he left. You thought you were going to die, but you didn’t. You were terrified you wouldn’t find a new home, and then you did. You weren’t sure you could make ends meet, but you have, month after month after month. Just look at you go, sweetheart! See how it all works out? From my perspective, you’re a superhero. And…I LOVE YOU.
I know now that it had to happen. I’ve come to this realization before, so bear with me, but you know how this works. We keep circling and circling and circling back to the same old stuff until one day we get it, and we can finally set off on a new trajectory. It had to happen. I was comfortable, and comfort was making me complacent. I knew deep down I was meant for more. I longed to be met at my depth, to be seen and held and loved by someone capable of seeing my value and loving the woman that I was. It wasn’t happening, and a part of me grieved deeply. It wasn’t happening, and I resigned myself to a love not quite deep enough to be congruent with my true nature. I yearned for more, so deeply in my heart I yearned, and a voice said that I was fooling myself, that such a love wasn’t possible in this world. I was determined to do the work inside myself, to search for where I felt unmet and dissatisfied, and discover how I could meet and satisfy myself. Hence the meditation, the writing, the reading, the sewing, the knitting, the kombucha making, the therapy, the workshops, the trainings, the research, the practice, the commitment to arete. I secretly thought I was doing him a favor putting up with his lack of depth, his lack of vision, his inability to penetrate me fully to the core of my being, to flower me open to bigger possibilities, to take me open to God. Well if this is it, I told myself, then I may as well make the most of it. So I kept going. And then it happened. He dumped me. ME. Me, the mother of his children. ME, his WIFE. Me, his yoga teacher. Me, his partner, his best friend. He threw me away. It had to happen. It took a while, but I see this now. At times I look jealously at intact families, and I’m triggered by what was stolen from me. But then my new mindset arrives and reminds me It had to happen. The comfort was making me complacent. I had to be made extremely uncomfortable to be forced out of this nest, this cocoon, this cage of material wealth, where my needs for food, clothing and shelter were met, and the price I paid for it all was my authentic happiness. I look back on who I was and I shudder. I look forward to who I know I will be and I shiver. I look within to the one I am now and I smile, at peace with the fact that sooner or later, it had to happen. ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨
Industry. Productivity. Recommitting to creating a financially sustainable livelihood doing what I love. Being willing to go the distance, to pay whatever the price to live a life in alignment with who I am at the center of my being. I care not for the opinions of those who settle for mediocrity; they cannot help me. I will not ask for permission to walk this path of living heartfelt into my divine destiny. My clarity is my gift to myself. I don’t need to change what I feel and I am no longer afraid of what arises from my depths to be seen and heard and embraced like never before. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, so I live this day as if it is my last, heartfelt, walking my path of divine destiny.
What question is burning in your heart, searing your mind, waking you up at night? Are you willing to feel the question with every fiber of your being? Are you willing to live with your yearning for an answer? Are you willing to sit with the uncertainty for as long as it takes, as many days, weeks, months, years (lifetimes) as it will take to live your way into the answer? This is the path of the heart-strong warrior. Are you willing to walk this path? I must warn you it doesn’t get easier. As your practice deepens so do the questions. At some point you’ll be holding the entire universe inside your heart asking yourself, What did I get myself into now? You’ll see that you are alone in this question with no safe place to run or hide and no one to keep you company, not even the wind.
In this spacious present I can relax, breathe, recognize that everything is ok. Why has so much of my time been spent being educated away from what is here? Can I unlearn enough to have the space in my mind to be truly present? What would I do with such clarity, such immense and immediate expansion? Knowing that I could never shrink back to what I was before, is it safe to leave behind what is familiar transform and face the adventure before me?
If I could snap to perfection, would I? If I could skip the journey and just land in paradise, would I? Would I refuse to climb the mountain, if I knew I could be plunked right at the top? Could I enjoy any success sincerely if I didn’t work for it?