Tag Archives: learning

Loves Us Anyway

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No matter what, I’m learning.
I’m learning that beyond duality
there’s a gorgeous realm of seeing
without judgment,
without the labels
of right or wrong
good or bad
male or female.
We could also call it
the realm of being
or the realm of experiencing.
It’s where the mind
that fixates on the past
or projects into the future
doesn’t hold the same sway,
where the living, breathing moment
holds us and relaxes us
to the point that we can open to it and welcome it
like we would an old friend or lover
who knows all there is to know about us
and loves us anyway.

The Oneness Takes Over

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Maybe if I try it this way?
And what about this?

Audio, video recording
my voice, my image, my words
wanting to share (but with whom?)
hours and hours
envisioning my ideal life
with my ideal partner
in this future reality
when I’m finally living the life
I was born to live.
At some point
the magic I lived in my mind
last year
will be magic I’m living in my whole body
right now.
At that point
the heavens will open up
and I’ll no longer know my own name
as the oneness takes over.

No Skipping

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I believe everything is a test
and I think I should pass
every test with flying colors.
But how can I do well on the test
if I haven’t learned the material?
It’s important to admit
when I’m in over my head,
to see when I’m not prepared,
to ask for help when I need it.
There are no short cuts.
In the school of life
we can’t skip grades.

The Beauty of My Aloneness

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Sometimes I wonder
how you could go from
I love you
to It’s over.
But that’s exactly what happened,
from one month to the next…
And yes,
nearly two years later,
I’m still wondering.
I’ve read another book,
The Way of the Superior Man,* by David Deida.
(You told me I read too many books,
but then I think you watch way too much TV.)
I flagged each sentence
that shed light on what went wrong
in our marriage.
I’ll go back and reread what I’ve flagged,
memorize the passages,
so that never again
will I share my heart
with a weak man,
a man who blames his woman
for his shortcomings,
a man who defends his mediocrity
by rescinding his responsibility.
I’ll read every book I can get my hands on
about cultivating a healthy relationship with myself
and healthy relationships with others.
I’m becoming quite an educated woman.
The beauty of my aloneness
is that I get to dream of being
with someone who deserves me,
and I get to cultivate the deep sense of worthiness
that will draw him to me.
I’m still healing from the wounds you inflicted
when you left our marriage in such a cowardly way.
Eventually, though,
when I’m with a beautiful, strong man
who loves and appreciates my deeply feminine core,
I’ll thank you for giving up,
because I know I was worth so much more.

*I cannot recommend this book highly enough. It resonated so deeply and clarified so much. I’ve never felt so vindicated, seen, heard and understood. Ladies, every one of you, please read this book. Gentlemen, every one of you, please read this book.

Looking Back…And Forward

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Looking back
on a year of many ups and downs…
Finally, resolution is in sight.
This time last year,
you will still living in this house.
This time last year,
you had just begun a relationship with her.
This time last year,
you were denying it.
This time last year,
I was losing weight,
feeling anxious,
angry at your infidelity,
your dishonesty, your dishonor.
This time last year
I held you responsible for my happiness,
and I had fallen to the depths of despair.
But this time next year,
I see myself happier, healthier than ever before.
This time next year,
I will be standing on my own two feet financially.
Maybe this time next year,
I’ll have a wonderful man in my life,
a man who wants to love me
the way I deserve to be loved.
I won’t make the same mistakes with him
that I made with you.
In the midst of the nightmare
we shared
I learned
that my happiness is within me,
and when I really find it,
no one can take it away,
not even you.
Now it’s time for integration of what I’ve learned,
and space to dream of what is to come.
I’m in a more peaceful place now,
at home in my body, in my heart, in my mind.
I can say “Thank you”—sincerely—
for the lessons you taught me,
and I can wish you well.
May you find wholeness in 2019,
may your heart’s desires be granted.
May you know healing on all levels.
May you be free.

The Asking

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Who am I to dream,
to believe these dreams could be fulfilled?
Who am I to envision,
to see myself serving in a bigger way?
Who am I to imagine,
to fantasize that the Divine wants me
just as much as I want it?
I have no idea who I am,
but I know that I am not
who I once thought I was.
God bless this journey
toward the unknowable destiny
of my dreams, visions and heart.
Bless the questions that I ask,
that they may swell into
wide open doorways of possibility.
Let me surrender into this process
of asking again and again,
Who am I
until someday
I can understand
it’s the asking—
not the knowing—
that calls life
back home to life.

The Same?

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I ask my students to be strong,
to keep their hearts open,
to keep trying even when it’s hard—
can I do the same?
I ask them to breathe deeply,
to not just think about breathing,
but really breathe
can I do the same?
I instruct them in finding a more perfect alignment,
to reach for their strength, their will, their discipline—
can I do the same?
I ask them to relax, let go, surrender,
feel grateful for the nourishment of the earth—
can I do the same?
I ask them for a gentle smile,
a sense of pleasure, of enjoyment,
and especially to love their bodies—
can I do the same?
I ask them to think about leadership,
especially self-leadership,
summoning their courage,
getting out of their comfort bubble,
stepping into their fuller potential,
and providing an example
for others who might look to them—
can I do the same?
I look at this moment as a chance for
co-creation, co-evolution,
communication, collaboration
with anyone who is willing to reach for the light—
will you do the same?