Tag Archives: liberation

Moved

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We’re here!
Fresh, clean kids are asleep
in their fresh, clean sheets…
And even though I’m crazy tired,
I’m kind of wired,
walking around in wonder
that this has finally happened.
Our own place.
Our own memories.
A new chapter,
untainted by the one
who almost broke me.
I lit a candle,
made a cup of tea
and am settling down cozily
to read and muse
and feel so much gratitude.
We moved! We moved! We moved!
And I am moved
by the moving, by the help received,
by the sheer quantity of stuff,
being forced to look at all of it,
make decisions—stay or go?
Intentionally setting up nooks of creativity,
creating a sewing studio in the basement—
this has been a DREAM…
And now, it’s coming true,
because I choose, I choose,
to live the dream,
to move and be moved
by this wonderful life
to trust, to love,
to jump, to open
to fly…

Today Is A Good Day

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It’s his 40th birthday today,
and I pretended
that my whole entire life
hadn’t been torpedoed
almost a year ago.
I had the kids make cards for him.
I took them to REI and
we got a present for him,
a colorful Eno hammock
and strong Atlas strapping
to enjoy peaceful moments
swinging and relaxing
surrounded by color and light.
I texted him and wished him well.
I sat in meditation and prayed for him.
I woke up and mentally sent him
the phrases of metta,
lovingkindness:
May you be safe.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
I meant it.
I think my spiritual practice
is bearing fruit,
and I’m happy to be released
from my anger and sadness.
Today is a good day.

A Few Realizations

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I realized that
the kids and I are happier without him.
I realized that I’m glad to see him go
and be with another.
I realized I’m grateful to her;
she helped to set me free.
I’m grateful to him; I forgive him.
and the whole Universe
is behind me
and with me
and ahead of me
and below me
and above me
and all around me
and inside me.
I realized that
ALL IS WELL.

Meant For Me

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He let me go
eight months ago.
At first I moaned in sadness
but eight months later
my heart is filled with gladness—
he was never that much
of a lover anyway.
Now I’ve been set free.
And somewhere there is someone 
somehow made just for me.
Do I actually believe
in this fantasy?
Well, the thought excites me,
so, yes, why not?
It all begins at the level of thought
anyway.
Could I not think it and be free
to step into the realm of possibility
and be open to receiving
the love that is meant for me?

The Freshness Within

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The rains come.
They wash away the dust,
dirt and heat of the day.
They leave a refreshing coolness,
a softness, a pause,
a freshness.
And when my head
feels hot and cluttered
with dusty thoughts
and the dirt of the world,
I sit and go inside myself
and allow the cooling waters
of self-reflection, of meditation,
of sanity
to give me the softness, the pause,
and the freshness within.
May all beings find their inner solace,
the source of their own healing waters,
and attain liberation
through self-realization.

Pulled Under

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The pull of the shadow emotions
is very strong, as if I were chained
to boulders and thrown overboard
into the ocean,
trying to keep from being pulled under,
struggling to catch my breath,
so much thrashing about,
fighting for survival.
And then it occurs to me,
what if I let myself get pulled under?
What is down there?
Maybe once I’m pulled under
someone familiar with the depths
shows up with a key
and unlocks the chains from around me,
sets me free.
Maybe I discover I’m holding the key,
and I can find freedom even as I sink,
holding my breath, keeping my wits about me,
finding lightness, swimming back up
to breathe the breath of life.
Maybe I die in those depths.
Maybe I am reborn
some shimmering creature of the land and sea,
able to navigate both worlds.
I can’t know what waits for me
if I keep struggling at the surface.
Maybe I’ll let myself be pulled under.