Tag Archives: love

Only Love, Acceptance and Time

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Woke up sick…
and now
I’m wondering how to be well,
even when I feel like this.
I have my kids,
it’s summer vacation.
Of course
I would’ve preferred
to be a fun energetic mom,
but
you don’t always get what you want.
Can I drop the guilt at the increased TV time for them,
so that I can have increased rest time for me?
I guess I’m going to have to.
Guilt won’t make me well.
Only love, acceptance and time will.

Some Day is Right Now

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Could I simply relax into this moment,
dive off the rigid, wire thin line of “normal”
and just immerse myself in this ocean of being?
I want to know what it’s like to love fully,
to feel content, at peace with myself,
to look out into the world
with eyes of compassion,
to cherish all beings
with the immense heart of the Buddha.
I think all of this will happen some day,
and then I remember,
it all has to happen right now.
And then I realize
Some day IS right now.

NaPoWriMo 2018, Day 29: Sylvia Inspires a Crown

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Ah, today’s prompt transported me to the world of Sylvia Plath. I spent some time reading her and loving her, amazed by the depth and the intensity of feeling evoked by her words. Truly masterful were her combinations of sounds and phrasing.  Sometimes as I read them aloud the words became percussive in my ears. For this penultimate day of NaPoWriMo 2018 I chose Plath’s Poem “Elm” as the starting point for my poem.

Here are the first three tercets of Plath’s poem.  I just love them.

Elm

I know the bottom, she says. I know it with my great tap root:

It is what you fear.
I do not fear it: I have been there.
Is it the sea you hear in me,
Its dissatisfactions?
Or the voice of nothing, that was your madness?
Love is a shadow.
How you lie and cry after it
Listen: these are its hooves: it has gone off, like a horse.

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And now here you go with today’s poem:

Crown

I know the bliss of realization, she says.  I know it with my greatest summit.
It is what you dream of.
I do not dream it: I live there.

Is it the galaxy you taste in me,
its completeness?
Or the embodiment of forever, that was your serenity?

Love is pure light.
How you move and sing with it
Feel:  these are its wings:  it rests with you, like an angel.

NaPoWriMo 2018, Day 16: Toys of Her Own

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Today we’re asked to write about play.  See the prompt here. This year, I’m noticing I’m consumed by the theme of the decimation of my marriage, and so this is the first thing that came to me as I read the prompt.

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There wasn’t enough of it in our relationship.
If there had been, we might have stood a chance.
But things got so serious, especially after we became parents.
The sad part is, we really had all we needed,
and the kids showed us every day how to be natural,
lighthearted, taking pleasure in simple things,
finding the joy in every little thing.
We could’ve let them be our teachers,
but we were too busy trying to be adults.
After a time the little boy in you began to tantrum;
he was tired of being ignored.
And you hadn’t done the work of deep listening,
so the feeling of discontent was taken as evidence
of my failings and our inherent incompatibility…
and that’s the story you told.
We’re just not right for each other.
We’ll never be able to make this work
or so you said. Yes, you weren’t willing to change.
That responsibility fell on me.
So the little girl in me said, “OH HELL NO!”
I had done the work of deep listening,
and I took time to honor the voices within.
Out of love for you and because
I was committed to our marriage,
I increased the time spent sorting myself out,
because I knew I’d be a better wife,
lover, mother, friend, and creatrix
if I could understand the currents at work
within me.
But all those things scared the little boy in you.
He called me selfish.  He said I wasn’t a partner.
And after eight years and two beautiful children,
the tantruming little boy said, “ENOUGH!”
So you got out and you played.
First with some friends,
eventually with another woman’s body.
I try to see the innocence,
you entering her
the way you would a playground,
you picking her up
the way you would pick up flowers
and sticks and bugs,
you riding her
the way you would a swing…
But it wasn’t as innocent as all that,
and you lied when I discovered your games,
tried to make me think I was crazy,
tried to make me doubt myself, my intuition.
Now you’ve found a more expensive toy,
a BMW. Is the little boy happy now?
Maybe one day you’ll see that all you really wanted
was to be seen, and heard and held,
to laugh, to run, to be free…
all you wanted was a little play.
I could’ve given you that,
but you thought you needed new toys.
Farewell, little boy.
This little girl has done her homework.
After the dust settles,
you’ll need to go back to school
and work hard to relearn some basic skills—
respect, honor, dignity,
commitment, understanding, empathy.
Meanwhile my little girl
will be having the time of her life.
She’ll be outside running in the open air,
shouting, whooping, dancing, spinning,
playing with friends and new toys of her own.

NaPoWriMo 2018, Day 15: Narcissus in the Spring

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Today we were invited to take a villain and humanize them.  Check out the prompt here. I have my villain.  If you’ve been following me you know who it is without trying too hard.

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He left us.
Left our marriage,
our family.
Left our children
to pursue another.
He lied.
Lied to me,
his family,
our friends,
created a camp,
started a war.
When I could sense the truth in my body,
he gaslighted me, told me I was crazy.
And now he wants my help.
How can I say no?
I met him nine years ago this month;
we were married eight years in November,
and the love doesn’t stop
even when he betrays the sanctity of our union.
He’s in pain.
He hurts and he doesn’t know the cause.
He wanted this transition to be the medicine
he’s been craving for two years now.
But the sorry sap doesn’t see his own folly.
If he can’t take ownership of his role
in our relationship
or any relationship for that matter,
he’ll be doomed forever,
caught in the endless cycle
of perceived victimhood,
looking outside of himself for the answers
that can only come from deep within.
No matter.
By the time all of this catches up to him
I’l be gone.
I’ve watched the narcissus blossom in the spring.
Anything could happen.

What Am I Saying?

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Things never end up
exactly the way I thought they would,
and often I am grateful for this.
Tonight is one such case.
I thought my party was going to be
loud, raucous, a rager of music of dance…
instead it was quiet, intimate;
we sat around talking and laughing.
Multiple friends canceled at the last minute,
and just a few  showed up…
my instinct was to be hurt by the cancellations..
But then I realize,
What am I saying?
Just a few showed up?
I’m truly blessed by those who came.
Just one good friend is a treasure.
I see this and I am grateful.