I’m not sure
I could put into words
how grateful I feel
that I am paid
to help people relax,
and awaken to the present moment.
I LOVE MY JOB
I LOVE MY JOB
I LOVE MY JOB.
When I think about the number of people
who hate their jobs
and who are putting in time
just waiting for the weekend
It really hits me how fortunate I am
to look forward to going into work,
to smile and laugh
and breathe and share,
to know that my life energy
is bringing real benefit
to the students who come to see me
(and their children, spouses, colleagues,
neighbors, pets, etc. etc. etc.)
I go to sleep at night knowing
that the world is a better place
for my being here.
Wow. Wow. Wowie wow wow!
Thank you life.
Thank you for my beautiful, wonderful job.
I finish my day
with the satisfaction of knowing
that I worked and lived and loved
just as much as I possibly could.
I envision an extraordinary life,
which is lived day by
I look back and realize
that every moment was guided,
every moment was a gift.
I look forward and savor
that the best is yet to come.
And I breathe into this now moment,
relaxing into open awareness
simply glad to be alive.
It’s a simple way,
a simple truth,
a simple life—
to simply open your heart
to all that is.
The trouble is,
you don’t need a product
or an expert to show you how to use it,
and so this way isn’t advertised,
and so most of us don’t know about it.
But I promise you,
I will spend my whole life
living this open-hearted way as much as I can.
And maybe my open heart
could help other hearts to open
along this path I walk.
To know that I coaxed just one heart open
by living my simple life…
now that’s success!
Sitting in ceremony this weekend,
I realized how very much my mind
still wants this moment to show up differently
and how much suffering
this wanting things to be different
stirs up in my life.
If I could only love and accept this moment as it is,
how would my experience be different?
Could I soften into this beauty?
Could I accept my own wholeness, my completeness?
Could I love this journey I’m on,
and learn to accept that uncertainty
is an integral part of the adventure?
I’m walking on the razor’s edge
between acceptance and resistance,
every moment, between peace and suffering.
I see how much choice I have,
and how much responsibility
to make the choice that will help and heal
instead of hurt and hinder.
As a mother, the choice becomes even more impactful.
My kids are watching me make meaning
out of all of these life experiences.
I’m teaching them every moment
how to love or how to fear this life.
God, please show me how to love.
God, show me how to love this life,
so that by the time my kids are my age,
they’ll know which choice to make.
A teacher shared with me recently
that we humans live in a great paradox
of which we are innately aware
but which is so overwhelming
that it is the root cause
of our misery and all the behaviors
that arise from our misery.
The paradox is this:
Our consciousness is infinite
and yet our bodies are finite.
The awareness in us is as vast as the universe
and yet our tiny physical beings are fragile, vulnerable.
This paradox, and the tension it creates
is too much for many of us to bear.
And so we numb.
We get addicted.
We look outside, to escape
the tension orginating from the center of our being.
I have faced this paradox over and over
as I have watched my life dissolve
before my very eyes.
Everything I knew has been obliterated.
The consciousness in me can be at peace with this.
My body is terrified, suffering from complex PTSD.
Every day I dance on a fine line
between hope and hopelessness,
love and fear,
existence and non-existence,
infinity and limitation.
I can tell you, it’s a lonely place to dance.
I wake up
and something’s different.
I see the sun.
I’m glad to be awake.
I have energy.
I’m excited to start the day.
I make berry salad
for our breakfast;
the kids and I enjoy
these colorful jewels
the earth grew
for our nourishment.
I feel so much love
my heart might burst.
My home is peaceful.
After the kids get on the bus
I come back home.
What is this feeling?
What is different?
And then I realize
I know what this is:
I feel better.
Back from a healing ceremony
where many tears were shed
and songs were sung
and layers upon layers
of old outworn behaviors
and patterns of thinking
were peeled up and released.
I pray that I can stay clear and open.
I recognized in the middle of ceremony
that there is nothing to escape from…
that this desire to get away
is an old survival mechanism
that no longer helps me.
I sat up tall and still
in the middle of extreme discomfort
And I heard Spirit whispering to me
Stop fighting. Just surrender.
Let grace move through you.
Let go. Release. Trust.
It was a long night.
Neural circuitry was being rewired.
Birth can be so painful.
I just wanted to be free
from the grip of my fear
and the stranglehold of my past.
I kept breathing throught this desire for freedom,
kept breathing through my fear,
my doubt, my judgment.
I came to see that no matter what arises
in my experience
it is always here to serve my awakening.
If I can just remember that one thing,
I could maybe, just maybe,
learn to trust in this moment.