I have a daily relationship with Jesus, through prayer, meditation and contemplation. It wasn’t always this way. I was brought up to be scientific, skeptical, suspicious of anything the least bit religious, but through the twists and turns of life I ended up in church one day, heart broken open, shedding years of grief, tears cascading from my eyes. I sought through prayer and meditation conscious contact with God, and miracles began to take place in my life. I know that God works through me now, through my hands, my voice and my heart. I take an active role in my spiritual unfolding; I am not a spectator here. I know that my life will be full of hills and valleys, and I am ok with this, because I know my place with the one who watches over me always, guiding me back home to peace.
I commit to awakening to my true self for the benefit of all beings. I see the immeasurable value in this. And I believe that my awakening is possible in this very moment, because it is the will of the Universe.
She walked alone in the woods today, the wind following her with its whispers. She climbed up the steep slope, finding spots of bare earth to plant her feet in a slippery sea of fallen leaves. She found her favorite stone outcropping, sat and closed her eyes. Breathing slowly and deeply she received a vision of great warmth and delight, a future that waits for her willingness to let the past go. The cold began to seep in and she carefully picked her way here and there along the downward slope, superimposing the future vision upon the present matrix, thinking thoughts of integration.
Learning to trust the Self… not the little ego self that’s always wanting and grasping and never satisfied, but the Divine Self, the deeper, more expansive Self, the One who moves with the currents of Nature and who listens and waits underneath the noise and turbulence of our contrived human sorrow. The One who waits for us to wake up, and pause, and breathe and see how beautiful peace is— this is the One I practice to know, this is the One I show up for every morning, this is the One I am when I become still and close my eyes, and journey inwards… This is the One I am learning to trust.
Your mind is always trying to fix things; don’t listen to it, it can’t see the whole picture. Your unconscious wounds are pushing you to numb out, because feeling feels unsafe; don’t numb out, we need you here, ALL of you. There’s another aspect of you, the space of awareness, bigger than your body, bigger than your mind or your wounds. It surrounds you; it holds you; it loves you and sees you always. Stay in that space. Just let yourself be held. You’ll feel and know that all truly is well.
I was talking with a friend about wealth… She said that I am far wealthier than some ultra wealthy people who have amassed incredible material wealth. She said that I am far wealthier than they in terms of my ability to feel happy and fulfilled and to experience peace in the present moment… And I got to thinking about my two children, how bright, and healthy and beautiful they are, and my yoga and meditation practice, my work teaching yoga, the talents God has given me to write, to draw, to sing, to move with my heart. I thought about my bank account, and although it’s presently modest, I can feel grateful and proud about how hard I’ve been working to achieve financial stability, several months of sobriety under my belt, maintaining consistency in my spiritual practice, gratitude journaling every night, pausing and appreciating nature in its many forms, the changes of the seasons, the fact I can see and hear and smell and taste and touch this present moment, alive in my body, alive all around me… And the connection, the human connection that my work gives me, spending time with beloveds who actually choose me as their teacher, who come back not because they have to, but because they want to— And I realize that yes, yes indeed— I am ultra wealthy.
What if I didn’t have to try so hard to succeed? What if all I needed to do was breathe and see and open my heart to the feeling of peace? I give everything I have and a part of me says This isn’t enough. I’m learning to listen to another part. It’s quieter and deeper under and I have to get still in order to hear it and feel it. When I tune into this part, I remember. I don’t have to try so hard. I can breathe and see and open my heart to the feeling of peace.
Opening into spacious awareness, relaxing open into the moment as it presents itself, this is my practice. I’ve been working on identifying the feeling, and breathing into the center of it… then breathing out a willingness to feel. Not change, fix, analyze, interpret, judge or understand, but just feel. I felt called to bring this practice to my students and have had the privilege to teach four times already this week. I am so grateful for this work where I find something that helps and heals, and then I get to share it with others.
Freedom. Connection. Peace. Vitality. Abundance. Joy. Compassion. Service. Inspiration. Confidence. Generosity. Gratitude. Love. It turns out that the more attention I give to these positive feeling states the more my brain creates circuitry to support the experience of those states in my body, mind, and life. My mind has been focused on suffering and now it is time for a new habit. God, give me the strength to focus on how I really want to feel.