Tag Archives: messy divorce

Wish Me Luck

Standard

Sleep deprivation.
Kids woke me up at night.
Lost my temper. Yelled.
Felt ashamed.
Too angry to sleep.
Tossed and turned all night.
Morning came. Groggy.
Meditation was a joke.
Meditated anyway.
Worried my teaching would be compromised.
Taught two yoga classes anyway.
Grocery store, card declined,
scrambling to scrape up money;
a girlfriend lent me the rest of what I needed.
(Had to drive to her house to borrow a card
and drive it back again.)
Embarrassed.
Ashamed.
Depressed.
Turned it around,
made dinner,
read the kids a story.
Snuggled my son.
He said he loved me.
Then he said he loved his dad.
The he said he loved the other woman.
He said her name as we were snuggling.
The kids went to their rooms. To bed.
I lost it again.
I was slamming and screaming
This isn’t fair!
I don’t deserve this.
Slamming and screaming.
Don’t traumatize the children.
I asked my husband to get the kids.
I told him I needed to get help.
He came and got them.
My daughter cried;
she didn’t want to leave.
I tried to reassure her that I’m going to be ok.
I was trying to reassure myself too.
Guilty.
Ashamed.
Tired.
Feeling defeated.
Spoke with two recovery friends.
Feeling a little better.
Trying to rest now.
Wish me luck.