I’d like to get to the point where the average experience of being alive feels safe and pleasant, rather than anxiety provoking and heavy. Breathing, looking around, really seeing and feeling the truth that all is well, my peaceful life isn’t as far as my mind would have me believe.
Spirit: Time to get up and meditate. Mind: Nope. I wanna sleep in. Spirit: Time to get up and meditate. Mind (whining): But I wanna just be comfyyyyyyy. Spirit: Get up and meditate. Now. Body (silently) gets up, gets dressed, goes downstairs and meditates. Takeaway: Spirit always wins, thanks to discipline.
Your mind is always trying to fix things; don’t listen to it, it can’t see the whole picture. Your unconscious wounds are pushing you to numb out, because feeling feels unsafe; don’t numb out, we need you here, ALL of you. There’s another aspect of you, the space of awareness, bigger than your body, bigger than your mind or your wounds. It surrounds you; it holds you; it loves you and sees you always. Stay in that space. Just let yourself be held. You’ll feel and know that all truly is well.
Just when I thought all was lost, just when I felt defeated and it looked like all my efforts were in vain, Grace sweeps in and shows me that all is well, and to just keep going. When I’ve been looking through eyes that cannot see clearly, it’s time for a new way of seeing. I cannot anticipate the magic of my future looking through the lens of my past experiences. My conditioned mind screams in terror; it wants to know and understand and be in control. Grace says, “Shhhh, shhhhhh, just breathe. Get still.” When I listen to Grace, all is well. I should keep listening to Grace.
What question is burning in your heart, searing your mind, waking you up at night? Are you willing to feel the question with every fiber of your being? Are you willing to live with your yearning for an answer? Are you willing to sit with the uncertainty for as long as it takes, as many days, weeks, months, years (lifetimes) as it will take to live your way into the answer? This is the path of the heart-strong warrior. Are you willing to walk this path? I must warn you it doesn’t get easier. As your practice deepens so do the questions. At some point you’ll be holding the entire universe inside your heart asking yourself, What did I get myself into now? You’ll see that you are alone in this question with no safe place to run or hide and no one to keep you company, not even the wind.