He must’ve been tired, because my eight year old said Can we go to bed? Can you tuck us in? And I thought Yes please go to bed. Who’ll tuck me in? And then I got up from where we were snuggled in reading. I shivered into my robe, then tucked my daughter in after brushing her hair and scratching her back and answering some questions. I tucked my son in, raining kisses on his forehead, his cheeks; he got annoyed. I remembered that nothing lasts forever, not even mother’s kisses that give us angels’ wings right before we drift into dreamland.
If I can drop a little deeper below the surface of the mind that is always problem-solving and strategizing, I arrive at a place where all is well. Don’t get me wrong, the world is still the world, and there is still a Pandemic happening, there are still bills to be paid and an ex-husband to negotiate with and a house to clean and meals to prepare and laundry to be done. There is still a heart that yearns open for a beautiful partner to share love with. There is still the feeling of vulnerability that comes with such deep sharing, and the fear that I will never be met the way I long to be met. There is still the exhaustion one feels being the only adult in the house with two very active children who still don’t know how to pick up after themselves. Yes, all of these things still exist, as I am a human woman living on this earth. But if I can drop a little deeper below the surface of the mind that is always problem-solving and strategizing, I arrive at a place where all is well. It is such a beautiful place. And this is why I practice.
Well, it looks like I should start giving myself a limit on time spent on the NaPoWriMo site. Between yesterday’s prompt and today’s, I probably spent two good hours poring over the linked content. Yesterday’s Bosch painting really sucked me in, but so did today’s bizarre news with catchy titles. And of course that led me down another rabbit hole! I’m going off prompt today… 🍃✨🍃✨🍃✨🍃✨🍃✨🍃✨🍃✨🍃✨🍃✨🍃✨🍃✨🍃✨🍃✨🍃✨🍃✨🍃✨
It’s good enough just to breathe. Bonus points for bathing. Bonus points for dressing up like you’re going to work… But it’s totally understandable if all you want to do is stay in bed. Sometimes I feel that way too. Just remember that you deserve your own kindness, gentleness and understanding. Remember that you aren’t alone, even when you’re feeling lonely. Be generous with your praise; everybody needs some kindness right about now. Mostly, just trust… Trust that everything will turn out ok. It will, you know… Everything will turn out just fine.
There’s some part of me that chronically resists some aspect of the present moment. You’d think after all this time I’d realize that resistance doesn’t help. But the part that resists is an unconscious part that runs silently in the background, always prompting me to see all things exactly the same way, to keep it routine to keep it familiar. I can’t stop it because most of the time I’m completely unaware of it. The practice is now maintaining enough awareness of my awareness that I can keep some awareness where it matters most.
A gathering of beautiful friends brings me back to a natural rhythm, closer to my true nature, more authentic. Food prepared consciously nourishes our bodies and souls. Sitting with beloveds and sharing a meal attunes us collectively to our shared visions. Moving into a mode of celebration opens our eyes to the abundance that is here now, opens our hearts to the recognition that it is a gift to be alive. I choose to move towards those who are willing to recognize the good in their lives. Those who give thanks are way more fun to be around than those who can’t see any reason to be grateful! I’m glad to be one of the happy ones who chooses to see the good in life. I am blessed to openly celebrate how wonderful it is to be alive.
Hey, Inner Critic, it’s time we had a chat. You see, you can stop telling me I have to figure it all out, because no one has it all figured out. We’re all in a process of becoming. So stop it already with the pressure, and the anxiety, and the belief that I have to be more, do more, have more. When I’m free of you for just a moment, it’s actually quite pleasant. I can breathe and feel free in this moment, all I ever have.