Tag Archives: money

Teachable

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It occurred to me
that every second I spend
trying to get him
to give me the money
that is mine by law
is a second I divert my attention
from the mission
of creating my own money
by offering value to the world
doing the things I know how to do best.
I’m choosing to let go.
I was told not to hold my breath
so I’m breathing,
slowly and deeply
and with gratitude
that I can wake up to this moment
knowing nothing
and open to being taught.

Checklist

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Started writing my book: check
Created an online savings account*: check
Finally figured out LastPass and Slack: check and check
Taught six awesome yoga classes this weekend: check
Laundry: check
Dinner: check
Full on adult mode: check, check, check
Result: SATISFACTION
Plan: Keep checking sh$t off that to-do list!

*Did you know that you can open a savings account here that gives you 2.25% APY (which poops on most brick and mortar banks’ APYs, which are more like .06%)? Dr. John Demartini (you can find his official site here) says that if you don’t place a value on saving money, you’ll never have any money to save. It starts with being willing to save something, no matter how small the amount might seem to you. It was a super big deal for me to finally open a savings account, because I’ve been telling myself ever since my ex-husband dropped the big ol‘ D-bomb that I simply didn’t have anything to save. But today I opened a savings account with just a tiny little amount, and I’ll throw a few dollars into it whenever I can. Maybe at some point it will become a nest egg. Or at least a new underwear fund when I need some new panties. 😁

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How many of you are fellow perfectionistic procrastinators, always waiting for the right moment to start something, take care of something, finish something, square something away? I have been discovering the last couple of days that if I just start, if I just take one tiny little step in the direction of starting, momentum begins to build, and then I can keep going with that momentum.

And gosh, it feels good. Forward progress, TALLYHO!

Will It Help?

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I return home to an empty house.
I’m reminded of what I once had,
what is gone now.
They tell me You’ll get better,
You’ll get stronger.
They tell me
This is the best thing
that could’ve happened to you.
But what do they know?
Slogging it out,
one day at a time,
one year at a time,
recovering from
the devastation,
on most days
I feel too tired to be grateful,
and yet I keep pushing through.
I write in my gratitude journal:
I woke up today.
I meditated.
My sitter was able to come.
I was able to pay for lunch today.
They tell me my gratitude
will open up the gateway to abundance.
But will it help me to live
when I have no money left in my bank account?

How?

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You have to just let go
they keep telling me.
But how?
I think really
IT needs to let go of me.
IT has its hooks in me.
I want to be free.
I want to feel alive again.
I don’t want to be angry,
hurt, sad or depressed anymore.
I want to set my life in order.
I want my home to be organized.
I want to have work
that allows me
to support myself and my children.
But tomorrow
I apply for food stamps
because my money is all gone.
I get angry when I think about this.
He left our marriage,
and has moved on.
Now he spends his time
and his money on another.
Yes, I want to let go.
But how?

I Hope So

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Driving home,
tired to the bone,
the Pawlonia and honey locust
give me hope,
glowing in the setting sun.
Whizzing by
do the other drivers see
the majesty of this moment,
this life?
I’m feeling alone.
All of the other old feelings come back.
I ask again why it has come to this,
why I am now struggling financially,
why my children aren’t with me daily,
why he gets to strut around town
with a new woman
(in her sexy dresses and high heels)
while I’m at home alone
worrying about money.
I’m tired.
Maybe this will all look different tomorrow.
I hope so.

NaPoWriMo 2015 Day 7: Our Real Worth

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Today’s NaPoWriMo prompt invites us to write about money:

It could be about not having enough, having too much (a nice kind of problem to have), the smell, or feel, or sensory aspects of money. It could also just be a poem about how we decide what has value or worth.

Hmmm…money.  I guess I’ll just take a deep breath and see what happens.

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They say it doesn’t buy happiness,
but if you don’t have any,
you probably won’t be very happy.

It has been called the root of evil,
but many have used it for good,
building schools, hospitals,
or a simple sandwich
for the man on the street.

Some among us have let
the most precious moments
slip by
in pursuit of it,
only to discover at the end
that they cannot take it with them
where they’re going.

Some are born into so much of it
that they are hard-pressed to appreciate it
as someone born in the tropics
and having never known the cold
can’t really appreciate
the sweet warmth of the ocean breeze–
always there, enveloping them.

It is energy,
like wind, rain, and sun.
It can flow like a stream,
it can freeze like ice.

It can be used to create great things
but of itself is worth nothing.
A starving man reaches for bread, not gold;
poor Midas was mighty regretful
when he realized what he’d done.

Let’s make peace with it
however much of it we have,
or don’t have.

And above all,
let us remember that our real worth
comes from within.