I look for the full moon, but she is hiding behind clouds,
like a queen lazing behind the gauzy curtains encircling her bed,
she refuses to make an appearance.
Her subjects long to see her bright, lovely face
but tonight she ignores their pleas, and won’t lift a single finger.
Cruel queen, shine your light on me.
Are you a prisoner of circumstance?
Do you long to be seen but are kept shrouded from our eyes?
We have no choice, we could not see each other if we tried.
My little hands cannot make the clouds part,
my breath cannot blow away the mountains of snow
looming in my sight.
Little round queen, I will wait for you.
For now I close my eyes and see you glowing in my mind.
My remembrance gives me hope.
Through this cold and cruel winter
I’ll keep warmth in my heart,
and in the golden glow of a candle,
Moon mother, I will sing for you.
It’s a full moon tonight. I’ve been teaching moon salutations in my yoga classes in anticipation of this, honoring the cyclical nature of the moon, how she swells to fullness and recedes into darkness over and over again. Acknowledging that cycles of fullness and emptiness are natural, we learn how to embrace our own moments of fullness and emptiness on all the levels they can manifest. Right now, I am full of the breath. Right now, I am empty of the breath. Fullness and emptiness, giving and receiving, forever.
I often find myself longing to see the bright full moon, shining in all her glory. I love how she is so bright that her light casts a shadow of the window frame on the carpet of my meditation room. On such nights, I sit in her light, turning my face up to her, focusing my eyes half open on her glow, and it seems that this light is an endless stream from the heavens all the way to my heart; she beams a divine smile on all those who look upon her.
But I cannot see the moon tonight, for she is concealed behind thick snow clouds. The sky appears orange in the glow of the city lights. The forecast tells us that as many as six inches of snow will fall tonight, and my heart is sinking–I just want the spring to be here! I want to see the crocuses and daffodils. I want hyacinths and tulips. I want to watch the apricot tree blossom, the sweet puffy white blooms shining against the backdrop of a pure blue sky. I am sick of winter.
But here is another chance to practice non-attachment. Enjoy this last bit of winter, feel the cold. Bundle up. Leg warmers, scarf, gloves, hat, long down coat, boots. Pretty soon this will be a memory, and the contrast of the cold of winter held against the warmth of spring will give rise to a more authentic enjoyment of the spring when it arrives in full force. Non-attachment. Be okay with what is. Love what is. Allow it to be. Breathe.
When I long to see the moon but she hides behind thick clouds, I feel abandoned.
When I want the warmth of the spring sun yet snow is falling all around, I feel slighted.
If I want happiness, I must awaken to being, and receive this moment as it is…because as Byron Katie says, “Fighting reality hurts, but only 100% of the time.” I will not fight, because fighting will not help. I will open my arms wide to the snowflakes, and say, “Come on then! Come on!”
Breathe in, breathe out. Fullness, emptiness. Forever.