I’m so lost inside my prayers
that night is day
and day is night.
I go out in the storm
and seek refuge from the sun.
My music disappears
when I try to capture it,
and flows abundantly
when I relax into its release.
The urge to create perfection is my enemy.
Embracing my huamnness is my salve.
May all beings be happy, healthy,
peaceful and at ease.
A teacher shared with me recently
that we humans live in a great paradox
of which we are innately aware
but which is so overwhelming
that it is the root cause
of our misery and all the behaviors
that arise from our misery.
The paradox is this:
Our consciousness is infinite
and yet our bodies are finite.
The awareness in us is as vast as the universe
and yet our tiny physical beings are fragile, vulnerable.
This paradox, and the tension it creates
is too much for many of us to bear.
And so we numb.
We get addicted.
We look outside, to escape
the tension orginating from the center of our being.
I have faced this paradox over and over
as I have watched my life dissolve
before my very eyes.
Everything I knew has been obliterated.
The consciousness in me can be at peace with this.
My body is terrified, suffering from complex PTSD.
Every day I dance on a fine line
between hope and hopelessness,
love and fear,
existence and non-existence,
infinity and limitation.
I can tell you, it’s a lonely place to dance.
This might sound crazy,
but we should feel grateful
for the people who rub us the wrong way.
If we stayed in our perfect little bubble
of sunshine and smiles
and zippity doo dah
how would we ever
understand what our hang ups are?
The people who bother us
give us a chance to clearly see
our own neuroses
and with this information
we can train in responding with awareness
instead of having the same old habitual reaction.
Sure, you might not be thanking them
while they’re vexing you
but later you can look back
and see where you got tripped up–
and you can thank whomever it was
for giving you a chance to see more clearly.
Welcome these teachers in disguise.
If you can feel thankful for the people
who activate your deepest fears and annoyances,
think of what you’ll feel
for all of the kindred spirits in your life!