Tag Archives: partnership

Maybe I’m Not Ready

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This week,
as I read books about sacred intimacy
between the divine masculine and
the divine feminine,
I realize how I resent being unpartnered.
I realize how I never thought
I’d be celibate for two years
at this stage of my life.
I think about my natural urges
as a grown woman,
my need for touch, intimacy, connection,
my desire to share myself with a sensitive, loving partner.
I think about how easy it would be
to create a profile on Tinder
and just hook up with someone.
Except…
that is not who I am.
Maybe in my 20’s
casual sex seemed like an okay thing to do,
but not anymore.
In order to experience
what I truly desire:
a profoundly deep connection
and the joy of truly being seen,
heard, held and cherished
within a safe intimate relationship,
I have a lot of work to do.
First on myself
and on the tendencies
that led me into a marriage
with a man who rejected
who I was at my deepest core,
and second,
I have to start somewhere
and maybe actually go on a few dates.
UGH. UGH. UGH.
Hi, I’m Lorien.
I’m recently divorced,
I have two young children,
and I’m still healing
from the tremendous
pain I experienced
when my ex-husband abandoned me.

Any takers?
I’m not sure I would want me
with that kind of endorsement.
So maybe I’m not ready after all.

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So HEY! Just curious. Is there anyone out there who went through a godawful, brutal divorce, healed from it, and managed to go on and meet someone with whom you’re enjoying a safe and healthy relationship? Anyone with kids from a previous marriage who managed to meet someone new and engage in a better, healthier relationship than the one you had with your children’s other parent? I’m all ears. I’d love to hear what worked for you in your healing process and any insights you’d offer to someone like me, who isn’t all that excited at the prospect of dating, but who longs for a safe, intimate partnership with someone sane and healthy—and who has no idea where to begin…

Love or Fear

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Waiting for the other to change,

to be more understanding,

more self-aware,

more patient,

more compassionate,

more thoughtful–

this is hell.

While you’re waiting for them

to be all these things

you think they should be,

you’re unable to see them

and experience them

as they are.

You treat them as if

they aren’t worthy of you,

as if they are unacceptable.

This is the opposite of love.

Looking to yourself to change,

to be more understanding,

more self-aware,

more patient,

more compassionate,

more thoughtful–

this is the pathway to bliss.

As you look inside of yourself

to find these qualities 

you want to see in the other,

you give yourself and the other

the gift of freedom,

empowerment.

You honor the other

from a deep place

of self-acceptance,

self-knowing.

This is the definition of love.

It can all be reduced 

to one simple choice you make

in each moment 

whether it is conscious or unconscious–

Love or fear?