Tag Archives: perception

Grace, Magic, Life

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Feeling grateful for unexpected grace,
the way the light shines just so
as the sun begins to set,
the way my son dances as he eats
and the way my daughter
sees everything as alive.
This evening I was filled
with the light and the kindness
of beloveds in a virtual meditation circle;
The miracle of technology unfolds,
and here we are instantly connected—
women from all over:
California, Canada,
New Mexico, New Jersey,
Colorado, Maryland, Australia…
Just like that we see one another’s faces,
we hear one another’s laughter,
we get to share this one vibrant moment
of existence on planet Earth.
When I get out of my head
and drop into my heart,
the problems set on the stage
of linear time and linear mind
just disappear,
and I’m left with the wonder and awe
and innocence of a child.
Thank you, Sweet Spirit,
for this moment of grace.
Thank you, Sweet Spirit,
for the magic of life.

Without My Story

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The day has unfolded in simplicity.
I got the children up
we had breakfast
they got on the bus
I remembered their lunches
and brought them to school.
Back home I tidied my house
I listened to music
I remembered being married to my husband,
being close to him;
I thought about where he is now
and with whom;
I cried.
I finally got around
to downloading months and months
of my financial info
for the attorneys to pore over;
I sent out multiple emails,
pictures of my bills.
I had avoided doing this
because my financial straits
have been a source of
great shame and embarrassment.
But the day unfolded in simplicity.
It needed to be done
and without my stories bogging me down
I was finally able to do it.
My kids got back home early
from their half day of school.
They had popsicles in the sunshine;
my son climbed a tree.
I sat and looked at the flowers I planted
in the last week,
admired the beauty and the utter creativity
of Mother Nature.
I felt tired so I lay down.
My children followed me upstairs
to my room
and proceeded to wrestle
one another on the floor
right by my bed.
I got up, made myself a protein shake,
cleaned off the table outside,
sat down in the breeze,
sipped my shake…
and now I’m writing this poem.
It’s a simple day,
a simple life,
a beautiful life
without my story.

No Destination

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I keep wondering when I’ll be better…
I recently added a second session
of therapy within the week,
and that question
keeps ricocheting in my mind:
When will I be better?
When will I be better?
and I wonder then
Hey, what’s wrong with me now?
Is there something so wrong
that I need to work hard to get better?
And then I remember
Life is a process.
It is a journey,
not a destination.
This process of becoming—
a journey, not a destination.
Awakening to self—
a journey, not a destination.
Instead of getting better,
maybe I can simply focus
on living well.
I can enjoy the journey
and accept
there is no destination.

I Need to Be Patient

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I need to be patient with this process.
I was in the victim story
for a lot longer than the story
of my empowerment.
I believed he shouldn’t have left me
for a lot longer than I realized he should.
My pain is older than the loss of this marriage,
my abandonment, my grief, my heartache
much older than that moment
one year and one month ago
when he dropped the bomb
on the life I thought I knew.
And he is gone.
He has been gone for a while,
and he won’t be coming back.
And so now it is my task
to turn toward myself
and sit with the aching little girl
who clamors for my attention.
She cries out in anger and despair
because I haven’t been there for her,
so taken was I
with the telling of my sad, sad story.
I need to be patient with this process.
Taking ownership of one’s pain
is something that many people
will never realize they can do
let alone go ahead and do
once they realize they can.
I am making this choice.
I feel alone in it.
But that’s just because
no one I know personally
has made such a choice before.
Surely, though,
there are beloveds out there,
kindreds, who just like me
want to evolve until the day they die,
sweethearts who want to own their pain
so that they have the space,
the depth
and the presence
to own their joy.

Tough Choice

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Who do I want to be today?
Do I want to be this angry, depressed,
resentful woman who was betrayed
by her husband of eight years,
a victim of his selfishness,
worried about her children, her finances,
her health, wondering if
love will ever find her again?
OR
Do I want to be this peaceful, happy,
openhearted woman who was married
to her husband for eight years,
the recipient of his generosity,
grateful for her children, for abundance,
for her health, certain that
love is everywhere, always?
Hmmmm.
Tough choice.
NOT!

Beyond Your Story

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Forgiveness leads to peace.
You can give yourself the gift of peace.
Search in your mind
for those against whom
you hold grievances.
Ask yourself
Do I want to carry this burden any longer?
Really listen to the answers that emerge
from the depths of your truest self.
Your truest self is peace.
Grievances hide this self from you.
Forgive completely;
set this self free from the prison you made.
There is so much beauty in the world
beyond your story.