You’ve come a long way baby! You were scared to live without him and then he left. You thought you were going to die, but you didn’t. You were terrified you wouldn’t find a new home, and then you did. You weren’t sure you could make ends meet, but you have, month after month after month. Just look at you go, sweetheart! See how it all works out? From my perspective, you’re a superhero. And…I LOVE YOU.
It won’t feel like it’s mine unless I’ve worked for it, and so the Universe is giving me a chance to work. I can feel my old thinking crop up sometimes, especially now, when I feel tired in body and mind and I’m longing for quiet and rest. Old thoughts come back, about deserving better, about wishing it had gone differently, outraged about circumstances beyond my control. But I’ve been practicing. I’ve been practicing day after day I’ve been practicing hard. And my new thinking responds to the old and says: You don’t HAVE to do this, you GET do to do this. You aren’t a victim, you are a powerful woman who has been given an opportunity to step into her power and love herself back to health. You are a fortunate woman who has been led to wake up to the beauty of the present moment and express her gifts, talents and abilities in service of all beings. You are a work in progress, you’ll never be done, so keep working, woman, keep working.
I can get excited about what’s coming,
I can dwell in the past,
or I can rest in awareness of my awareness
in this present moment.
One is creative and incites me to action.
One recreates the hunger of anxious places.
One allows me to see my Universe
from a broader perspective.
Where I go in my mind is my choice.
May I choose well.
At the end of the day,
if I can say I did my best,
well then, this must be good enough.
Sure, my credit cards are maxed,
there’s next to nothing in my checking account,
and I keep asking my mom for grocery money.
But there is a roof over my head,
my children are clean, fed and in bed,
and I’m breathing.
This is good enough.
I taught a meditation workshop today
and only three people showed up.
From a profit-driven business standpoint,
it was a miserable flop,
not worth the time invested.
Luckily, I have access to other standpoints.
So when a young woman approached me
after the workshop, crying,
sharing that she remembered her deceased father
during our lovingkindness meditation,
when she appeared bewildered by her emotions
(even apologized for them),
and when I was able to praise her for her courage
and share with her that it was an honor and a privilege
to bear witness to her process—
I knew something bigger was at play here.
Today wasn’t about me turning a profit, it was about me touching a life.
It wasn’t about material abundance, it was about human connection.
It wasn’t about my personal glory, it was about beholding the radiance of a sweet soulcoming home
after a long time away.
From this standpoint,
my workshop was a huge success,
and I am proud of the work that was done.
And so what if
I could hold myself accountable
for being the kind of person
able to create the kind of life
I’m really excited to be living?
What if I discovered my power
was in changing my perspective
when I could no longer
change my circumstances?
What if all the big questions
weren’t supposed to have answers,
but were instead just doors
opening to even bigger questions?
And then it hit me—
not like a ton of bricks
like an angel giving me a little love slap— I really don’t have anything to stress about.
I have food
I have shelter
My children are safe and healthy
I have a family who loves me
and friends too
I am able-bodied, able-minded
with so many resources available to me
to craft a life in alignment
with my deepest soul desires.
What in the HELL am I stressing about,
I put myself in hell and have wallowed in it,
only because things didn’t go the way
I thought they would.
Welcome to REAL LIFE, Lorien.
I’m ready to get over my damn self.
No more stress.