Tag Archives: PMS

Perhaps Maybe Somehow

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Perhaps if I slow down and breathe a little deeper
Maybe I’ll find the peace I’m yearning for and
Somehow I’ll relax and enjoy this moment.
Pointless as it is to struggle against reality I find
Myself resisting what is and isolating myself in my pain,
starkly contrasting with the sunshiny exterior my students see.
Possibly I can hang in there and keep breathing until
Magically my mood shifts into a brighter place.
Someday I’ll feel like myself again.

I’ll Call it Grace

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Something beautiful is happening…
I think it might be resilience?
Stamina?
Endurance?
Wisdom gained from experience?
But as I found myself caught
in my monthly darkness today,
instead of falling all the way down
into the dark hole of depression
and believing my life was never good
and never will be good
I remembered that this was a temporary darkness,
and all I had to do was ride it out.
I prayed. I breathed.
I reassured the little girl in me
who was never allowed to feel sad or angry
that I saw her and loved her.
It didn’t change the mood.
it was still awful and dark and sad,
but some part of me knew this was temporary.
What can I call this?
Empowerment?
Evolution?
Grace?

That has a nice ring to it.
I think I’ll call it grace.

I Apologize (But Not Really)

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Dear Everyone,

I apologize for the tone of my last poem.
Actually, I don’t.
I have raging PMS
and the veil between 3D reality
and the spirit world is thinner
and everything I have been suppressing
in my act to be nice and please everyone
is now coming up of its own volition.
So really, I have no control over it.
And so, if you don’t like it,
you know exactly what you can do.

Love,
Lorien

Jekyll & Hyde Forever

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The most painful thing
is the disappointment I feel
when I’ve been impatient with my kids,
when I can’t step up,
be the adult
and just keep going.
I get stuck, hung up in my pain.
It blinds me.
It makes me say things I don’t mean,
and then I have to live with myself afterwards.
I’m tired of this feeling,
so tired of the old way of thinking.
I have worked so hard to overcome it,
but it’s so easy to slip into the old habits.
PMS is back, and this is when it’s the worst.
Will this ever change?*
Or am I doomed to be Jekyll and Hyde forever?

 

 

*I guess I can look forward to menopause?

Struggle…Opportunity

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It’s a struggle,*
but only because
it’s always been a struggle.
If I can change my mind,
if I can see a different way,
this might become
an opportunity.
This is an opportunity
to slow down,
listen
to the rhythms of my body-mind,
honor the self
that tries so hard to be good.
Can I love her
when she wants to scream?
Can I love her
when she is tired?
Can I appreciate
everything she has been through?
Instead of doing
what I’ve always done,
can I try something new?
If nothing else,
this struggle
has given me an opportunity
to come home to myself
if only for this moment.
I want to find the Self
in all the swirls of emotion,
in the body aches and fatigue,
in the loneliness—
and I want to love her fiercely.

 

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*Ladies out there, give me an AMEN if you too find yourself accosted with darkness and mood swings in conjunction with your moon cycle. It has been this way my whole adult life. What helps you manage to make it through those days of darkness until the sun breaks through the clouds again?

And guys out there…when your ladies get this way, have you found a way to help them make it through, or do you run in the opposite direction? I mean…it is INTENSE, after all, and hard to understand the sudden changes in temperament. My recommendation:  buy her some flowers, run her a bath, make her some tea, and tell her you’re there for her and that you love her no matter what.