As I attempt to embrace new ways of thinking, being, doing and expressing, My old self-tries to seduce me back to what is familiar. My future self is waving wildly, calling me forward. My current self is just exhausted from life in 3D reality. God, grant me patience with myself as I vacillate between what was and what can be. Let me feel loved, safe, seen and heard. In the end, this is all a dream. I really shouldn’t take it so seriously.
If I can’t enjoy the little moments tucked inside my hours, how will I enjoy my days? If I can’t enjoy my days, how I will enjoy my weeks? If I can’t enjoy my weeks, how will I enjoy my months? My years? My decades? How will I enjoy my life? Lorien of the future, Lorien on your death bed, I vow to you— I will enjoy this life now. I will enjoy my moments, my hours and days and weeks and months and years. I will enjoy my decades. I will enjoy this life.
We have it backwards. We think that when we change, heal, get the car, the relationship, the recognition, then we can love ourselves— but it’s the other way around. When we love ourselves then we will change. Self-love is the engine of all healing and transformation.
I fell out of the loop for a moment, caught in a swirl of perfectionism. Suddenly I remembered that it’s not about being perfect, it’s about showing up authentically in the perfection of this moment… and so I came back.
Hi friends… While I was away teaching yoga on retreat (and I didn’t have access to Wifi) I fell behind on my posts, as you can see. And then I came back home and my son was sick and I’ve been sleep deprived, overworked, overwhelmed and undernourished. Nonetheless, I kept plodding away at my posts for my 48 days of gratitude and I continued posting them to Facebook and Instagram. I hope to catch up here soon. Just wanted to say…I’m still alive!
A gathering of beautiful friends brings me back to a natural rhythm, closer to my true nature, more authentic. Food prepared consciously nourishes our bodies and souls. Sitting with beloveds and sharing a meal attunes us collectively to our shared visions. Moving into a mode of celebration opens our eyes to the abundance that is here now, opens our hearts to the recognition that it is a gift to be alive. I choose to move towards those who are willing to recognize the good in their lives. Those who give thanks are way more fun to be around than those who can’t see any reason to be grateful! I’m glad to be one of the happy ones who chooses to see the good in life. I am blessed to openly celebrate how wonderful it is to be alive.
There is so much wisdom in surrender, knowing that I don’t know, opening to guidance, keeping the faith that there’s a reason, relaxing deeper into trust. When I could finally let go of the life I thought I had, the life I felt entitled to, I finally had the space to welcome my real life, as it is, right now. Then the real healing could begin. I had to let go of my marriage and I had to let go of my anger toward my children’s father for abandoning the marriage. I had to let go of control (I had none to begin with). When everything fell apart and there was nowhere to go but through, I learned to get clear and sober and fill my mind with prayer. I learned to turn everything over to a power greater than myself. I turned over my thoughts, words and actions, my hopes, dreams and fears, my beliefs, perceptions, my ideas of success and failure. Somehow, grace pulled me through the darkest nights of my soul; somehow I survived the changes that took time… I am grateful for prayers, sacred words spoken that bolster my courage and soothe my bodymind. I am grateful that my whole life has become a prayer.