Tag Archives: power

Repeat

Standard

And then I asked myself
What if I chose to own all of my power?
What would that feel like?
How would I move, breathe,
think, speak and act
inside the awareness
that I was standing fully in my power?
I couldn’t answer the question
from experience,
so I imagined what it would feel like.
Magical.
Exciting.
Dream like.
Unbelievable.
Satisfying.
Amazing.
Hmm, I said to myself,
maybe this would be even better
than I can imagine right now…
What would it take to act as if
I had fully owned my power?
Stand tall.
Breathe deeply.
Move with confidence.
Speak clearly.
Know what I want.
Forgive and move on.
Give thanks.
Celebrate.
Connect.
Share.
Integrate.

Repeat.

 

NaPoWriMo 2018, Day 21: To Narcissus (With Video!)

Standard

What a timely and fitting prompt from NaPoWriMo today!  The invitation is to play with the myth of Narcissus in some way. I’ve always loved Greek mythology, and the tale of Narcissus alway struck me as sad—dying of unrequited love of self.  But now that my husband is out of the house and I’ve had time to really consider the effects on my mind, body and spirit of living eight years with my husband’s pathological narcissim, the tale has become a lot more personal.  Before I realized the nature of our relationship and how damaging his words and actions were to me and my self-esteem in the course of our marriage, I always thought narcissists were annoyingly self-absorbed people whom we love anyway, because everyone deserves love, and we all exhibit degrees of narcissism now and again.  It’s human nature, isn’t it, after all, to become periodically fixated on one’s self, one’s happiness, one’s life path, and the ways and means we go about achieving what we think we need to be fulfilled?  But then I learned about narcissistic abuse—gaslighting, smear campaigns, isolation, criticism, financial abuse, and it came crashing down on me what I had endured during our time together, always trying to help him be happy, always being told that I was the source of his unhappiness.  I realize that I’ve been traumatized by my time with this man, and I internalized a lot of what he told me.  I’m in the process of unpacking the stories and sifting through my inner landscape to find some ground and some truth about myself. Yes, today’s prompt is timely.  Here goes.

*************
Poor boy, you fell so deeply in love
with what you believed to be true about yourself,
you wasted away into a dream and died.
The one I thought I knew was a phantom,
haunting the pool that claimed your life.
I tried to save you but you were already dead,
and as real as you seemed, you were just an apparition,
a poltergeist, making lots of noise, breaking things,
howling like a ghoul, frightening me,
recruiting me into this fantasy of living
as you drew me nearer and nearer
to your realm of death.
You nearly took me too,
so invested was I in resurrecting you
that I began to deny my very Self
and all of her needs.
But the spring came, and with it my own resurrection.
I saw my spirit come to life and resist the chains
you attempted to throw around me.
They were just a mirage, like the rest of you;
loud, messy, impressive,
but without any weight or strength,
substanceless, like your love, like your life,
like your work, like all of you.
Rest in peace, fair Narcissus.
I’m going back to the realm of the living now.
I’ll visit you each spring,
lay a flower on your grave,
pay my respects,
but know this:
You cannot hurt me any more.
You are nothing to me now.
Nothing more
than the whispers of wind
that caress my cheek,
reminding me of the long life I have left to live.

No More Waiting

Standard

I was waiting for an apology from him,
an expression of guilt and remorse;
it hasn’t come yet,
and it probably never will.
I was waiting for him to do the right thing,
to acknowledge his role,
to make things right,
but it sure doesn’t look that this will happen either.
I was hoping he’d awaken,
hoping he’d zoom out and look in
and see how his behavior
has been egregiously unfair—
he hasn’t awakened, and my hope
is turning to hopelessness.
The moral is,
focusing on the other
and hoping they will change
(when they don’t want to and aren’t capable)
will only lead to sadness, frustration and despair.
I’ve decided that I’m not going to wait anymore.
I’m going to move forward in autonomy,
thanking him for my freedom.

Mindset Training

Standard

Mindset training…
That’s all this really is.
Because our realities
are formed by our thoughts,
if we don’t like what we see
we need to rearrange how we think.
I’m not saying that we tolerate
the intolerable, oh no.
We aren’t being apathetic
to injustice or tyranny, nope.
A proper mindset
keeps us aware
of our power
and shows us how to wield it
in the wisest of ways.
I choose now
to be a stand for what is good
in the universe.
I see that good.
And I do everything in my power
to help others to see it
and express it
for the benefit of all beings.

Slow Down

Standard

Slow down,
let it flow.
Feel more,
let it go.
Sometimes the hurry
leads to a flurry
of neurotic tendencies,
disappointment
at productivity lost.
When you slow down,
you see more,
you hear more,
you are present.
When you know
why you’re doing
what you’re doing,
it informs the how.
Slow down
and be purposeful.
Time doesn’t matter
when you’re living
from your essence.

The Choice is Mine

Standard

Sources of inspiration coalesce,
sending me the same message
until it reaches in
and takes root.
Eventually
they’re all saying the same thing:
Open, grow, let it flow.
So I open.
I open.
I open more.
And the changes come slowly at first,
but then more quickly over time.
I see my responsibility
in opening to possibility
and how the only one ever
holding me back was, well,
ME.
Now, this, this is power:
realizing that the failure was mine,
but now so is the success.
And I get to choose.