Tag Archives: practice

Still Enough

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The inner critic creeps up
and tries to interrupt
the flow of peaceful thoughts
that now stream through my mind
quite regularly after years of meditation practice,
prayer, determination, effort,
discipline, will, twelve-step meetings,
coaching, and therapy.
I turn around and look at the critic.
Oh. You again?
Yeah. It’s me. You still suck. You’re terrible.
Ah, my dear. Let me hold you.
Let me rock you.
Let me tell you how loved you are.
Let me show you how,
even after all this time,
you are still enough.

This One Moment

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Part of navigating this whole time of uncertainty
has been learning how to let go of expectations
and go with the flow. I know, I know…
I’m not saying anything new or earth shattering,
but it’s new for me to let go of control
and just accept this moment as it is.
I am not complacent, don’t get me wrong—
I still have preferences, ideas, desires, wishes—
but the difference is, I’m practicing welcoming
what is here in this moment, and choosing
how to respond from a place that is deeper
than what my ego thinks it wants or deserves.
I’m glad to know that this is a practice,
because I’ve been trying so long to be perfect,
and it’s just exhausting, so exhausting,
trying to get everything right.
Now, I’ll just breathe. I’ll take a slow deep breath,
and I’ll give thanks. I’ll give thanks for this moment,
this one moment of my life.

Love More Open

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A part of my healing journey
has been to loosen up a little
on some of my routines.
I have been accused of being rigid,
too attached to my routines,
and each time I felt the urge
to defend my practices
if not out loud,
then inwardly, to myself.
As I began to peer inside a little more,
I could see how my routines were sometimes fillers,
excuses not to be completely present,
because I could check out
as I attended to them…
and so this need to defend my practices
came from anxiety that they might not be serving me,
and the pain of feeling like my time spent doing them
was a complete waste.
Then again…
Is there such a thing?
Could it be that my practices served me then,
but I eventually outgrew them,
and now they no longer serve me
the way they did before?
Could I drop the shame around change?
Don’t we learn by making mistakes?
Can’t I ease up about being perfect, being right,
and instead, can I welcome this moment
with my heart that yearns to love more open?

Radiating Harmony

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I’ve been practicing this Wim Hof breathing video
every day for almost a week…
It’s eaten into my music time on my cushion,
but now I’m breathing more consciously—
and maybe when my breath is strong enough,
I will breathe consciously as I play my music.
I have been preparing for this moment for so long:
Where I feel totally free and at ease,
allowing myself to create authentically
from my deepest center,
letting the love of life, of presence
flow from me, radiating harmony into the world.

Such A Beautiful Place

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If I can drop a little deeper
below the surface of the mind
that is always problem-solving
and strategizing,
I arrive at a place where all is well.
Don’t get me wrong,
the world is still the world,
and there is still a Pandemic happening,
there are still bills to be paid
and an ex-husband to negotiate with
and a house to clean
and meals to prepare
and laundry to be done.
There is still a heart that yearns open
for a beautiful partner to share love with.
There is still the feeling of vulnerability
that comes with such deep sharing,
and the fear that I will never be met
the way I long to be met.
There is still the exhaustion one feels
being the only adult in the house
with two very active children
who still don’t know
how to pick up after themselves.
Yes, all of these things still exist,
as I am a human woman
living on this earth.
But if I can drop a little deeper
below the surface of the mind
that is always problem-solving
and strategizing,
I arrive at a place where all is well.
It is such a beautiful place.
And this is why I practice.

We Will Get Through This

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Being ok with change takes practice,
so don’t be hard on yourself
for not taking this well.
We are hardwired to gravitate
toward familiarity—
it’s how we all survived this long,
so in a deep, instinctive way,
we all yearn to get back to “normal.”
And yet…
we were made for these times.
This is what we have been preparing for.
So, beloveds, take a deep breath,
be extra kind, gentle and loving with yourself,
hold all your hurting parts with tenderness.
Change is hard and
sometimes life sucks,
but you aren’t alone.
We will get through this together.

Get Crackin’

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Knowing that we will all eventually
be met with the same unavoidable end,
I’d like to live in such a way
that if the end came suddenly
then I could go in peace,
feeling complete with what I have done,
how I have given and received love.
Being honest with myself,
I can see I have a long way to go
before such peace is attained.
Looks like I better get crackin’.

Where It Matters Most

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There’s some part of me
that chronically resists
some aspect of the present moment.
You’d think after all this time
I’d realize
that resistance doesn’t help.
But the part that resists
is an unconscious part
that runs silently in the background,
always prompting me to see
all things
exactly the same way,
to keep it routine
to keep it familiar.
I can’t stop it
because most of the time
I’m completely unaware of it.
The practice is now
maintaining enough awareness
of my awareness
that I can keep some awareness
where it matters most.

I Won’t Apologize For Being Human

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I won’t apologize for doing my best
to create a life I’m glad to be living.

I won’t apologize for sometimes failing,
being human and everything.

I won’t apologize for breathing
as deeply and as slowly as I can.

I won’t apologize for choosing to live
in a different (much improved) paradigm.

And I won’t apologize for needing help
when I’m not sure how to proceed.