I’m so lost inside my prayers that night is day and day is night. I go out in the storm and seek refuge from the sun. My music disappears when I try to capture it, and flows abundantly when I relax into its release. The urge to create perfection is my enemy. Embracing my huamnness is my salve. May all beings be happy, healthy, peaceful and at ease.
I allowed myself to be nourished today. I let myself wake up naturally. The sun was shining. I let myself be nourished by my home, the quiet, the comforts. I nourished my body with healthy food, plenty of water, a good walk outside, sunshine, fresh air. My heart was nourished by the warmth of a single mom friend who walked with me. Back home, I felt completely uninspired to cook myself dinner. I ordered in, paid for some kind soul to cook for me. This felt like a true luxury as the food was delivered to my door and I gave thanks many times as I ate. I let myself settle into rest earlier than normal. It feels so strange to be this well-nourished. I want this feeling to be more familiar. God, let deep rest and nourishment become normal for me.
I wake up and THE SUN IS SHINING! I’M ALIVE! What a gift this day is. Birds are singing, breeze is blowing and I pray to God giving thanks for this beautiful day. I give thanks for Divine Guidance, leading me to create what I am asked to create, steering me toward what is good, and true and sacred. And on a day like this, what isn’t good, true and sacred?
I’d really love to understand why some people have received their stimulus checks and I have not. I want to understand why some people have received unemployment benefits and I have not. It took two months for my tax return to come in, and others received theirs after two weeks. I am a single mother and am starting to sweat it, being in this holding pattern, waiting, waiting to hear news. So I am making call after call after call. And…guess what keeps happening? I keep getting placed on hold. Holding pattern, placed on hold, maybe I just need to be held! I know complaining won’t help, so I am asking for your prayers, friends. Could you please pray that what is mine arrives swiftly, without delay? Could you visualize me and my kids flourishing, with plenty of resources to keep our household going? Thanks for your help.
I went to pray in the green cathedral of the forest today. I breathed, and my heart was open. I sat, surrounded by the symphony of life, birdsong, wind, rock, moss, ferns, earth, water, trees… I felt so blessed to soak in this beauty, this perfection of life, of being. I asked for the truth to be revealed to me. This is what I heard:
You are the one and only instrument of creation. You are consciousness, and I love you. I love all the ways you express yourself, the myriad forms you assume to create the tapestry of existence! I celebrate you today, exactly as you are, pure consciousness, light of being.
I took a supplement that made me sick, REALLY sick for eight hours. And this is why I’m writing this poem from my bed, Hoping, praying, I’ll get some rest tonight. I remembered deep in my suffering how I am not alone in this; Many beings suffer as I do, in this very moment. May all beings everywhere find relief from illness and suffering. May all beings experience their heart’s true joy. May all beings awaken endless compassion. May we all lift one another up during this time.
There is so much wisdom in surrender, knowing that I don’t know, opening to guidance, keeping the faith that there’s a reason, relaxing deeper into trust. When I could finally let go of the life I thought I had, the life I felt entitled to, I finally had the space to welcome my real life, as it is, right now. Then the real healing could begin. I had to let go of my marriage and I had to let go of my anger toward my children’s father for abandoning the marriage. I had to let go of control (I had none to begin with). When everything fell apart and there was nowhere to go but through, I learned to get clear and sober and fill my mind with prayer. I learned to turn everything over to a power greater than myself. I turned over my thoughts, words and actions, my hopes, dreams and fears, my beliefs, perceptions, my ideas of success and failure. Somehow, grace pulled me through the darkest nights of my soul; somehow I survived the changes that took time… I am grateful for prayers, sacred words spoken that bolster my courage and soothe my bodymind. I am grateful that my whole life has become a prayer.
I have a daily relationship with Jesus, through prayer, meditation and contemplation. It wasn’t always this way. I was brought up to be scientific, skeptical, suspicious of anything the least bit religious, but through the twists and turns of life I ended up in church one day, heart broken open, shedding years of grief, tears cascading from my eyes. I sought through prayer and meditation conscious contact with God, and miracles began to take place in my life. I know that God works through me now, through my hands, my voice and my heart. I take an active role in my spiritual unfolding; I am not a spectator here. I know that my life will be full of hills and valleys, and I am ok with this, because I know my place with the one who watches over me always, guiding me back home to peace.
This house. This magical house. In January of this year my house was sold at foreclosure auction; my name wasn’t on the title or the deed, and there was nothing I could do to stop the sale. I was terrified. Not long after the sale I was told I had to move, and I didn’t know where to go. I just knew I wanted to keep my kids in their school. I tripled the number of yoga classes I was teaching, sent feelers out, and prayed more than I ever have. In July, a miracle. Friends of friends had a rental home in my kids’ school district and their renters wanted to break the lease early! We met, I brought my financial documents, and proved I was able to pay rent. And just like that, my kids and I had a place to move into! I left behind the betrayal and grief of my past and turned toward new possibilities, a new phase of my life. I am grateful for the miracles of community, strength and faith. Every night when I tuck my kids into bed, I thank God for this house. This magical house.
I commit to awakening to my true self for the benefit of all beings. I see the immeasurable value in this. And I believe that my awakening is possible in this very moment, because it is the will of the Universe.