I have a daily relationship with Jesus, through prayer, meditation and contemplation. It wasn’t always this way. I was brought up to be scientific, skeptical, suspicious of anything the least bit religious, but through the twists and turns of life I ended up in church one day, heart broken open, shedding years of grief, tears cascading from my eyes. I sought through prayer and meditation conscious contact with God, and miracles began to take place in my life. I know that God works through me now, through my hands, my voice and my heart. I take an active role in my spiritual unfolding; I am not a spectator here. I know that my life will be full of hills and valleys, and I am ok with this, because I know my place with the one who watches over me always, guiding me back home to peace.
This house. This magical house. In January of this year my house was sold at foreclosure auction; my name wasn’t on the title or the deed, and there was nothing I could do to stop the sale. I was terrified. Not long after the sale I was told I had to move, and I didn’t know where to go. I just knew I wanted to keep my kids in their school. I tripled the number of yoga classes I was teaching, sent feelers out, and prayed more than I ever have. In July, a miracle. Friends of friends had a rental home in my kids’ school district and their renters wanted to break the lease early! We met, I brought my financial documents, and proved I was able to pay rent. And just like that, my kids and I had a place to move into! I left behind the betrayal and grief of my past and turned toward new possibilities, a new phase of my life. I am grateful for the miracles of community, strength and faith. Every night when I tuck my kids into bed, I thank God for this house. This magical house.
I commit to awakening to my true self for the benefit of all beings. I see the immeasurable value in this. And I believe that my awakening is possible in this very moment, because it is the will of the Universe.
I start praying, then ask myself Who am I bargaining with? Certainly not some sky wizard, God is within. God is the peace and the presence we feel inside when we get still and breathe and really feel and know that ALL IS WELL.
She stopped. Sat down. Breathed. Ventured within. As her shoulders relaxed away from her ears She could hear the same old fears rattling around her brain, clamoring for attention. She dropped her awareness deeper, all the way down into her belly. There she felt the ancient tension of the ones who struggled for survival, the ones who toiled and strained and numbed their pain with the fruit of the vine again and again. Then she prayed, calling in the Angels, The Teachers, The Wise Ones, The Guides, The Ascended Masters, The Well Ancestors: Thank you for being present. Thank you for holding me in your Matrix of Light. Thank you for rewiring my neural circuitry. Thank you for restructuring my DNA. Thank you for helping me to see what needs to be seen, do what needs to be done, hear what needs to be heard, forgive what needs to be forgiven, heal what needs to be healed… Breath by breath, forward and backward, across all time and all space, eventually she sits complete within herself in the center of this Universal Mandala feeling and knowing ALL IS WELL.
The resistance rises up. Wanting to be more energized, less tired. Wanting to feel more confident, less worried. Wanting to feel more supported, less alone. Wanting to feel more peaceful, less stressed. On the heels of the resistance, stories… Stories about injustice, mistreatment, a wish for vindication, retribution. I can feel my body contract. I know this thinking isn’t healthy and I feel powerless to stop it. I know I need to pray, and even this evokes anger and the question Why do I have to try so hard? I guess I haven’t really surrendered yet. I guess I’m still trying to control the moment. I want to let go. Lord God, show me how to let go.
I began the day in prayer, turning it over, asking God for guidance. I felt good, knowing everything would be ok. The morning sun gilded every leaf on the trees outside my window and the autumn sky was a powdery blue so soft it nearly broke my heart. I moved and moved and moved more stuff from my old house into my new. I worked and worked and worked. By evening my mind was worn, my temper was hot and I didn’t want to do one more thing for anybody. Then I wondered if the struggle between good and evil, darkness and light, was really a stuggle between the fresh mind of a person newly awakened and the tired mind of a person ready for sleep…