the sky a light silver-gray,
oak leaves orange brown,
maple leaves red,
bald cypress defiantly remaining green.
Crows muttering to one another,
and a tender breeze stirring
what was inanimate
into graceful gestures of surrender and flow.
How could I possibly regret my past
given that it brought me such
a shockingly beautiful
and stunningly simple
If I suddenly dis-identified myself with my pain,
how would I show up in the moment?
If I no longer believed the stories told to me
or the labels I’ve been branded with,
who would I be, right now?
If I could no longer see myself
as the victim of my past circumstances,
how would I relate to this present experience?
I keep praying. I keep saying aloud,
I’m ready to let go of the past.
I’m ready to feel beyond my pain.
I ready to know who I really am.
And yet the old story persists.
What do I need to do to be free?
Just when I thought all was lost,
just when I felt defeated
and it looked like all my efforts were in vain,
Grace sweeps in and shows me
that all is well, and to just keep going.
When I’ve been looking through eyes
that cannot see clearly,
it’s time for a new way of seeing.
I cannot anticipate the magic of my future
looking through the lens of my past experiences.
My conditioned mind screams in terror;
it wants to know and understand and be in control.
Grace says, “Shhhh, shhhhhh, just breathe. Get still.”
When I listen to Grace, all is well.
I should keep listening to Grace.
Choosing clarity over comfort
and service over self-indulgence,
knowing that short-term pleasure
eats into long term success…
I think about what makes a leader a leader.
Beyond the roles we play
and the hats we don,
what is our true identity?
The moment we breathe slowly and deeply
we enter into the field of presence
that was never given
and can never be taken away.
I look up to anyone
who can enter this field
and show me how to arrive there
without tricks or gimmicks,
without bypassing or denial.
If I cannot find such a one to lead me,
I must become a leader myself.
And in today’s world, rife with chaos,
fraught with trauma,
I think that this is precisely
what Life is asking all of us to do.
If you’re wondering how long it will take,
how it will happen,
when you’ll feel strong enough,
This isn’t a fill in the blank test.
This is your life.
There are no proper answers.
There is only you, opening as awareness
to what is alive in this moment.
Can you soften and relax
into the possibility
that you were led precisely here
because there was something
you could learn
from this living, breathing moment?
Love this moment.
This moment is your life.
I wake up gently before the sun
and my first thought is
Thank you. Thank you for another day on this planet.
I am excited for the possibilities of this day.
I remember my children will meet their teachers.
I remember I have laundry to do.
I remember that I need to start packing up this house.
I remember that this can all wait
until I sit, and check in with the Source,
the consciousness within me
that spins out all of these perceptions
and weaves them together to create
the experience of a single mother
waking up to greet another day.
If I am right with the One within,
then my day will flow with beauty.
I am grateful for this time.
I remember that although I have a body
I am not simply this body. Or this mind.
Or these circumstances.
I am Spirit, clothed in form,
and the degree to which I can remember
and stay present
is the degree to which my light will shine
to illuminate the form in which I move
and breathe and express,
the degree to which my circumstances
will be illuminated, my choices made clear,
my committment firmed,
my conviction made manifest in action.
And so, first things first.
I wake up, and I sit.
And it is good.
In this spacious present
I can relax, breathe,
recognize that everything is ok.
Why has so much of my time been spent
being educated away from what is here?
Can I unlearn enough
to have the space in my mind
to be truly present?
What would I do with such clarity,
such immense and immediate expansion?
Knowing that I could never shrink back
to what I was before,
is it safe to leave behind what is familiar
and face the adventure before me?