So, let’s say that all of your dreams came true.
Do you have plans for after
the plans you currently hold
come to fruition?
It is the nature of life and love
to expand endlessly, forever,
without reason or explanation or logic.
You are a part of that expansion
in a body you have rented from the earth.
Infinitely creative and powerful,
you can be, do and have whatever you want.
Yes. So when you get all that,
The old way hasn’t been working for a long time,
but the new way doesn’t feel comfortable yet.
The new way feels awkward, shaky, unsure.
My programming takes over,
and I keep going back to the old way,
which feels familiar and somehow good
BUT STILL ISN’T WORKING.
When can I just make peace with the new way,
and allow it to transform me into one
who can live into a fresh new experience,
even if it’s awkward, shaky, and unsure?
So what WOULD happen
if I stopped trying so hard?
I mean, would the world spin off its axis?
Would the universe become unhinged?
Would people think less of me?
The answer is definitely NO to the first two,
and MAYBE to the third,
and in the end,
what does it really matter?
How do I stop trying so hard
after years and years and years
of my nervous system believing
that I would die if I didn’t?
I take a few breaths
and sigh loudly as I exhale.
I feel my body soften and relax.
My heart opens a little more,
my belly isn’t clenched so tightly,
the knots begin to untie.
None of this makes sense,
but maybe some of you can relate?
What if I stopped trying so hard to be good,
to stay ahead, to get it right, to get it done?
What if I could just accept
that this life is a process
and I will never be done?
What if I could really feel and know
that I will one day die,
and it might be sooner than I thought,
and then I will simply be gone?
How would I live
if I knew I didn’t have as much time
as I hoped I did?
What if I could wake up in this moment
and recognize that everything,
all of it,
is a gift?
What if I could stop blaming others
for where I am,
take charge of my life,
and step into my full power?
I’ll ask the questions
and have faith that the answers
will reveal themselves
as I am ready to see them.
Today, I did some things
that I had been avoiding doing…
Filled out application for assistance
from the Office of Child Support Enforcement
Got on the phone to find out
about health insurance
now that I’ve been dumped
from my ex-husband’s plan
(MORE FUN TIMES),
Contacted attorney about
filing a motion for contempt
for underpayment of child support
(EVEN MORE FUN TIMES)…
It’s no wonder I was putting
these things off!
I’d like to get to the point
where I do unpleasant things like these
immediately, without delay.
Is there anyone out there
who is an expert
at doing unpleasant things?
How do you overcome the resistance
and take action?
How do you just get it done?
I’m all ears.
I’m just wondering
when the day will come
that not one shred of anxiety
disturbs my peace,
from the time I wake up in the morning,
until the time I lay my head down at night.
How do I cultivate
How can I remember to breathe
slowly and deeply
all throughout the day
(and not just for the 30 minutes of morning meditation)?
How do I take the meditation with me,
so that I don’t just practice peace,
but I become peace?
Feeling a little lost today…
it’s probably because
I was up late last night creating.
It’s amazing how the inspiration strikes
and not necessarily when it’s convenient,
and then afterwards
I see how this willingness
to answer the muse
is a sacrifice of sorts.
I give of my time and energy,
and now I have this art.
I have to give to receive.
Can I trust
that what I’m willing to give is enough?
Can I trust
that the light will pour through me
in exactly the way that it’s meant to?
Can I trust
that there are no mistakes,
only opportunities to learn and grow?