Tag Archives: Recovery

What the Moment Asks

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When life asks you to change
by pulling the rug out from under you,
when your relationship falls apart,
when your health suddenly fails,
when a source of abundance suddenly dries up,
when nothing makes sense anymore,
to cling to the past is sheer insanity.
At that point, the most lucid response would be
to take a deep breath and feel into the moment,
to see what the moment is asking of you.
The answers are here, now,
in your beating heart,
in birdsong,
in leaves stirred by an invisible wind,
in the changing of the seasons,
in the rhythm of your days and nights.
Release the past that is no longer relevant
to the person you are becoming.
Face your future with open arms,
breathe,
and see what the moment is asking of you.

Work I Love

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It’s a blessing to have work I love,
a blessing to have enough of this work
to earn the income I need
to empower myself to move forward.
It’s a blessing to know that the work I do
benefits others, and leaves me feeling
a deep sense of satisfaction and fulfillment.
I GET PAID TO DO WHAT I LOVE…
this is a miracle.
As I dive deeper into my work,
and bring greater value to my clients
and the companies for whom I work,
and as I am told about the positive impact
I’m having on the lives of those I touch,
I am driven to keep going.
This month has been a marathon,
2-3 classes every day, no days off.
My body is tired
and yes, there is a part of me
that would love a vacation…
And yet, to be blessed with work I love,
to have the Universe present me
with this opportunity for gainful employment,
to create independence as a single mother
providing quality life for my children and myself,
this is true success, true wealth, true progress.
And truly, I am grateful.

Eight Years

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Eight years.
Eight years of pausing,
sitting still, closing my eyes
and going within.
I remember well the day
eight years ago, when,
pregnant, feeling sick,
overwhelmed by my responsibilities
as wife and mother,
I called out to the void
I’m going crazy! I’m losing it!
Help me! What should I do?

And the Voice said
You must meditate.
And I thought,
Of course.
I had a regular practice
before I met my husband,
but (and maybe you can relate)
self-care always fell to the bottom of the list
when I was in a relationship with someone else.
The Voice said
Meditate
and I remembered that this was an option,
and I sat.
I started small, just five minutes a session,
but I quickly worked my way up
to thirty minutes a day.
Eight years and I haven’t missed a day.
Eight years…I have shown up for myself.
My ex said
You meditate too much
when he gave me the list of reasons
he was leaving our marriage.
That was two years ago,
and he’s gone now,
but I’m still meditating.
Eight years I’ve said to myself
I matter. This matters.
I’m going to keep showing up.
And I will, for eight more years,
and eight more and eight more after that.
I’ll show up every single day,
rain or shine,
in sickness or in health,
for richer or for poorer,
until death closes my body’s eyes
and opens the eyes of my soul.
Then, there will be no surprises,
because in meditation I have seen it all.

It’s Real

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A nightmare woke me up at 4:30am;
even with the light on I didn’t feel safe.
As sleep was out of the question at that point
I began to read and lost myself in bits about
blue-zone cultures and longevity.
And then breakfast and meditation
and yoga classes 1-2-3,
finishing at 12:30
talking on the drive home
with a dear friend in Colorado
going through some stuff of her own…
then lunch
and reordering business cards
and thinking about writing an
“about me” for my website
which has lain dormant for two years,
and a shower, ahh…hot, beautiful water…
and then it struck me.
My daily life used to feel like a nightmare.
I would pray to god to give me beautiful dreams
so that I could find solace at night when I slept.
Now, between working as much as I can teaching yoga
and taking care of my two beautiful children,
my life has become more fluid and easy
and I feel more empowered.
This was the dream I was looking for
at this time last year.
and now it’s real.
Without knowing when it would happen or how,
I’ve lived into a more powerful version of myself.
Today I feel strong, healthy and happy.
In comparison to the nightmare it once was,
today my life feels beautiful and light.
And I am so grateful.

It’s Time

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When my happiness depends
on the actions of others
I’ve given my power away.
When my peace depends
on certain conditions being met
I’ve given my power away.
When I rely on someone else
to help me to feel a certain way
I’ve given my power away.
When I believe I need something
from someone in order to move forward
I’ve given my power away.
I gave my power away too many times.
Now it’s time to call it back.

A Note to My Brain

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Dear Brain,

The jig is up.
I’m on to you.
I know how you work now.

I know that you’ve been conditioned
to believe negative thoughts,
and you are going to keep regurgitating
these thoughts
until I choose to train you otherwise.

Well, my dear brain,
I’m choosing to train you otherwise.

I won’t believe all those horrid things he said.
Not anymore.
I won’t believe that I was worthless.
I won’t believe that it was all my fault.
I won’t believe that I was just a taker—
I know I wasn’t.

Brain, it’s time for the TRUTH.
I did everything I could.
I was ENTITLED to my own thoughts and feelings.
It just didn’t work out between us,
and this wasn’t my fault.
I tried to get us to marital therapy.
I tired to share my experiences, my hopes and fears.
I thought if I worked hard enough on me,
things would get better.
They didn’t.
It’s not my fault.

Brain, I can’t stay married
to someone who just doesn’t love me, okay?
I can’t stay married to someone
who isn’t willing to be responsible for their part.
I can’t stay married to someone who blames me
for everything that goes wrong in their life.

Brain, I deserve more, do you hear me?
I deserve so much more.

I deserve someone who loves me
not in spite of my shortcomings
but because of them.

I deserve someone who lights up
when I walk into the room.

I deserve to be made love to
so tenderly and sweetly,
with care and reverence.

I deserve to be celebrated for my gifts,
and supported and encouraged in their expression.

After all this time, brain, the jig is up.
You don’t get to tell me how this goes anymore.
I don’t want my present to be a recycled version
of my painful past.

I get to choose. And I choose love.
And health. And happiness. And celebration.
Thanks for listening.

Sincerely yours,

Lorien

Entitled

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I’m feeling entertained.
What was meant as an insult
has provided endless laughter.
This means progress.
I was told that the body part upon which I sit
is entitled.
I was told to get off this particularly entitled body part
and get a job.
I have two things to say:
1. I have a job. Actually two jobs. Actually three.
I have been mothering for 9 years
and teaching yoga for 14
and it is a full time job being me,
it’s a tough job but someone’s gotta do it
and I’m the most qualified for it—
AND I AM DAMN GOOD AT WHAT I DO,
AND I WILL KEEP DOING IT, THANK YOU.
2. Yes, I am entitled,
and not just the body part on which I sit.
All of me is entitled.
All of me is entitled to:
love
respect
joy
beauty
care
kindness
compassion
understanding
abundance
and gratitude
(among other things, but the list is getting too long, so I’ll stop there. For now).
I am entitled to these things,
because this is what I give out.
Oh wait, there is a third thing I have to say:
3. YOU CAN’T HURT ME ANYMORE.
If you have any questions, comments or concerns,
just talk to the aforementioned entitled body part on which I sit.
I’m sure it will make itself very clear,
in one way or another.