Tag Archives: Recovery

Gratitude, Day 30 of 48: Perspective

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You’ve come a long way baby!
You were scared to live without him
and then he left.
You thought you were going to die,
but you didn’t.
You were terrified you wouldn’t find a new home,
and then you did.
You weren’t sure you could make ends meet,
but you have, month after month after month.
Just look at you go, sweetheart!
See how it all works out?
From my perspective, you’re a superhero.
And…I LOVE YOU.

Gratitude: Day 29 of 48

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When he left I tried to forgive him.
I wanted to forgive him and I wanted to forgive the other woman.
But as much as I tried, it wasn’t working.
I was still angry, lonely, grieving.
I was still terrified, feeling betrayed, victimized.
Then I realized I didn’t need to work on forgiving them,
I needed to work on forgiving myself.
I am training myself to understand
that I’m worthy of love even if I’m not perfect.
I’m working on forgiving myself
for tolerating the way I was treated in my marriage.
I’m working on forgiving myself for being human.
With the focus back on me I can actually feel
my body/spirit/mind/heart/self as it heals.
I’m finally getting to know the woman I am,
and I’m discovering that I love her.

Gratitude: Day 28 of 48

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We might feel haunted but what needs to get done.
We might feel driven to achieve success,
and we might believe that we’ll be happy
once we do.
I am one of those people.
I am also fortunate to have teachers, mentors,
guides and wise ones show me a different way.
When I feel haunted by the to do list,
I can pause.
When I think I need to be more successful,
I can pause.
The household chores don’t all have to get done at once.
I don’t need to achieve overnight success.
I don’t have to prove myself to the world.
I can pause to enjoy where I am and who I am right now.
What a relief!

Gratitude: Day 27 of 48

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Let go or be dragged…

When he decided our marriage was over,
I didn’t know how to let go.
When he collected his family, colleagues, clients and friends
and drew a line in the sand,
I didn’t know how to let go.
When he began seeing another woman and spending nights out,
I didn’t know how to let go.
When he introduced our children to the other woman,
I didn’t know how to let go.
When our house went into foreclosure,
I didn’t know how to let go.
And I was dragged. I was dragged. I was dragged.
And it hurt, how it hurt, how it hurt.
But I survived. I began to pray to God
Show me how to let go.
Show me how to surrender gracefully.

Slowly but surely,
Life revealed to me what remained
when what was no longer serving me was dragged away.
I’m finding more stable ground,
and learning how to love what is here, now.
I’m discovering that I’m happier by myself,
healthier living in alignment with my deeper self,
more confident speaking with my true voice,
grateful for the simple things, the simple grace of being.
I am grateful for this sweet surrender to life.

Gratitude: Day 24 of 48

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Yep, I’m grateful for gratitude.

Halfway through this challenge,
and I have to pause to be grateful
for gratitude itself.
I began a gratitude journaling practice
years before my marriage ended,
and had made it a habit
to focus on what was going well
in my marriage,
so I was shocked when
my husband announced it was over.
Turns out he had been doing the opposite,
focusing on what I did that annoyed him.
Although I pleaded with him to step back
and look at the good in our lives,
he had made up his mind
that I was the worst wife ever
and there was nothing I could do about that.
I continued to write in my gratitude journal
as my life fell apart at the seams.
I continued writing in my journal
even as the voices in my head told me
I’d be better off dead.
I continued writing in my journal
as I weathered storm after storm after storm.
I have learned perseverance, strength,
discipline, will, resilience.
I have learned how to put things
into perspective.
I have learned that I don’t need a man
to feel worthy—
I am worthy because I exist.
I survived.
And I attribute a large part of my success
to the mindset I developed
while practicing gratitude.
Thank you gratitude!

Gratitude: Day 20 of 48

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It works if you work it.

I ended up in a twelve step meeting
a couple of months after my husband decided
he no longer wanted to be married anymore.
I was devastated; having trouble eating and sleeping,
feeling isolated because I had lost a lot of friends
in the separation.
The coach I was working with suggested a meeting,
and found one for me in town.
The first meeting I inwardly criticized the room,
thought it needed to be redecorated.
The second meeting I realized everyone in my life
is codependent.
The third meeting I started to believe that the program
might help me if I worked it.
Two and a half years later,
I know my program has saved my life.
I have found a sponsor and am working the steps
slowly but surely…
getting ready to do a fourth step soon.
When I was ready to give up on life,
this program showed up to demonstrate
that grace is active in my life,
and I am truly grateful.

Gratitude: Day 19 of 48

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Because…self-love…

I’ve been sleeping alone since June of 2017
when my children’s father decided he was done with our marriage.
At first I felt as though I was falling through endless space,
or better yet,
I was a boat lost at sea in a storm with no safe harbor,
tossed around on waves of worthlessness, anxiety for the future,
hopeless and futility.
I survived the storm.
I put my focus on me and my recovery.
I vowed to discover what unconditional self-love is;
I also vowed to become financially independent.
I’m made headway with self-love;
I’m still working on the financial independence,
therefore, I’m still single, and I’M GLAD.
I’m committed to awakening,
to allowing the self within me to emerge
and express herself authentically.
I realize I like being alone and I like the company I keep.
I realized I don’t need a man to be complete.
I am grateful I have this freedom to be me, on my own.