Tag Archives: release

Living Deeper

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It’s done,
and I feel way less emotional
than I thought I would.
Even with you posting
the picture of your champagne,
saying “Divorce never tasted so good,”
and toasting your adventures
with your “new love…”
I’m not getting the same jolt
I got at this time last year,
when I realized you were with another.
There’s no more betrayal.
There’s no more grief.
There’s no more sense of loss.
I don’t need you anymore.
I have me now.
I have worked hard to heal
and to see what got me here;
I’m stronger now,
I can take care of myself…
and I love myself so much
that I actually enjoy being alone!
So go enjoy your Parisian vacation;
enjoy spending time with her.
I’m living deeper now,
inside a timeless place,
where the comings and goings
of a man such as you
can no longer affect me.
***********

Now, God,
if you can help me shift
from indifference to compassion,
that would really be something!

🌈🙏🏻❤️✨

Today Is A Good Day

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It’s his 40th birthday today,
and I pretended
that my whole entire life
hadn’t been torpedoed
almost a year ago.
I had the kids make cards for him.
I took them to REI and
we got a present for him,
a colorful Eno hammock
and strong Atlas strapping
to enjoy peaceful moments
swinging and relaxing
surrounded by color and light.
I texted him and wished him well.
I sat in meditation and prayed for him.
I woke up and mentally sent him
the phrases of metta,
lovingkindness:
May you be safe.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
I meant it.
I think my spiritual practice
is bearing fruit,
and I’m happy to be released
from my anger and sadness.
Today is a good day.

Free and Light and Clear

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I was ready for it
and so it came…
forgiveness.
I realized
I didn’t want to suffer any longer.
I wanted him to be happy.
I wanted to heal.
I wanted my children to feel safe
with both of us.
I wanted to release my anger.
I wanted to embrace trust,
to trust in love,
to love what is.
Once the decision was made,
there was no turning back.
Grace swept over me
and through me,
above and below me,
all around me,
in front of me,
behind me,
inside,
outside,
past and future,
and I found myself
here in this moment
free and light and clear.

Letting Go

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And then it finally hit me…
He gave me my freedom.
It was what I wanted,
what I was praying for,
but in the moment where
he was telling me
that he was leaving,
I held on.
I wanted to make it work.
I wanted to believe in love,
in this marriage.
But if it’s ending like this,
it never really was love.
I’m not going to hold on
to my story, my illusion of love, no.
I’m going to embrace my freedom
by letting go.

Forgiveness All Day

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I spent the day praying
for a miracle of forgiveness.
I didn’t want to hold grievances
against anyone anymore.
I wanted to be free
of all the negativity
that was chaining me
to hurts of my past.
It seemed to go quite well,
this heart-opening I requested
from God and the Angels.
I felt lighter, more spacious,
more free,
as I imagined forgiving everyone
in my life, no exceptions.
But then night fell.
He went out with his friends
leaving me alone with the kids…
again.
And I was tired.
And they wouldn’t go to bed.
Then they wouldn’t stay in bed.
So I yelled. I got loud and angry.
But hey,
I practiced forgiveness all day,
so maybe I’ll be able
to extend some to myself.

Let Go

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Brave one, let go.
Straining to hold on hurts…
just let go.
When you let go,
your own life energy flows
around and through you
and nourishes you;
You become the flow of life.
On the other side of your fear
your wise self waits and watches
silently poised, ready, attuned
to your every movement.
This self will spring up
to meet you
the instant you let go.