Tag Archives: release

Worth It

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I’m turning toward the one within
who has been suffering so long
trying to be good.
Sitting on my cushion,
tapping on the points,*
releasing old stories,
crying tears of old grief,
something waits for me.
Behind the stories,
before the stories,
before the layers were piled on top of me,
there was just this Self,
this essence of being,
open, clear, available to the present moment.
Uncovering that Self,
listening, seeing, and celebrating her,
setting her free to live and love authentically,
this is why I do this work.
It is so worth it.





*I’ve been practicing EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) daily since mid-May. It has gotten me throught the worst moments of terror and anxiety about the future, and grief, shame and regret about the past. It has also helped me to stay sober when I had moments of wanting to numb out with various societally acceptable ways of escaping one’s feelings. Do you practice EFT or have you ever heard of it? There aren’t too many people in my sphere who have. I have found it so helpful that I’m feeing called to share the practice.

Why Did I Wait So Long?

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Just moving right along
with plans to organize this house,
donating the old dining room table and chairs
that have been collecting dust
and cobwebs in the basement,
jettisoning the janky third hand furniture
my neighbors gave me when they moved;
creating space.
As each thing leaves my house
I feel a little lighter,
a little freer.
Why did I wait so long to let go?

I Let Go

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The earth waking up all around me
The breeze stirring all the young leaves
and blossoms of every tree.
People cheerful and happy
Light everywhere,
undeniable.
No matter how faithfully
I may have been clinging
to old skeletons,
When spring comes
I’m given hope
that the willingness to die
really does mean
a beautiful rebirth,
and somehow,
I let go.

Living Deeper

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It’s done,
and I feel way less emotional
than I thought I would.
Even with you posting
the picture of your champagne,
saying “Divorce never tasted so good,”
and toasting your adventures
with your “new love…”
I’m not getting the same jolt
I got at this time last year,
when I realized you were with another.
There’s no more betrayal.
There’s no more grief.
There’s no more sense of loss.
I don’t need you anymore.
I have me now.
I have worked hard to heal
and to see what got me here;
I’m stronger now,
I can take care of myself…
and I love myself so much
that I actually enjoy being alone!
So go enjoy your Parisian vacation;
enjoy spending time with her.
I’m living deeper now,
inside a timeless place,
where the comings and goings
of a man such as you
can no longer affect me.
***********

Now, God,
if you can help me shift
from indifference to compassion,
that would really be something!

🌈🙏🏻❤️✨

Today Is A Good Day

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It’s his 40th birthday today,
and I pretended
that my whole entire life
hadn’t been torpedoed
almost a year ago.
I had the kids make cards for him.
I took them to REI and
we got a present for him,
a colorful Eno hammock
and strong Atlas strapping
to enjoy peaceful moments
swinging and relaxing
surrounded by color and light.
I texted him and wished him well.
I sat in meditation and prayed for him.
I woke up and mentally sent him
the phrases of metta,
lovingkindness:
May you be safe.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
I meant it.
I think my spiritual practice
is bearing fruit,
and I’m happy to be released
from my anger and sadness.
Today is a good day.

Free and Light and Clear

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I was ready for it
and so it came…
forgiveness.
I realized
I didn’t want to suffer any longer.
I wanted him to be happy.
I wanted to heal.
I wanted my children to feel safe
with both of us.
I wanted to release my anger.
I wanted to embrace trust,
to trust in love,
to love what is.
Once the decision was made,
there was no turning back.
Grace swept over me
and through me,
above and below me,
all around me,
in front of me,
behind me,
inside,
outside,
past and future,
and I found myself
here in this moment
free and light and clear.