Tag Archives: relief

Promise of Spring

Standard

I think I’m ready
to try to pretend
that one day I might
learn to forgive
completely.
I’ll make believe
that one day
I won’t feel like
some part of me
is missing.
Yes, wholesome blessings,
a woman celebrating
wholeness,
holiness,
the month before the 41st anniversary
of her birth
watching the earth
beginning to green
with the promise of spring.

Kite Flying Reprise

Standard

Whoever knew
that watching a kite as it flew
could be so therapeutic?

But there it was,
our rescued kite,
500 feet of new line,
a twenty foot long rainbow tail for balance,
some brisk gusts of wind.

After the somewhat traumatizing experience
a couple of weeks ago,
the disappointment at the lack of offered help
the sadness of losing the kite
and the time spent retrieving it from the tree,

it felt so durned good
to fly it up high again.
Catharsis
Therapy
Freedom
Joy.

A Moment to Remember Who I Am

Standard

All is quiet now.
No words to express
the actual feeling of peace and calm
now that the storm has come and gone.

This time passes,
and another challenge will surely arise,
this is the nature of things.

But for now,
I listen to the sweet music of silence,
the quiet in the house when everyone is asleep,
and I think,
Yes, this is the most perfect of all birthday presents–
a moment to remember who I am,
my presence.

A Kite (Soul) Retrieval

Standard

Have you heard
of soul retrieval ceremonies
performed by shamans?

Someone experiences a trauma,
a soul-shattering event,
and they take part in a ceremony
to call back all of the fragments of themselves
so that they may experience wholeness once again.

The loss of our beautiful kite
plagued me in my dreams last night.
I still felt a bit resentful this morning,
incredulous that the mother of the child who lost the kite
did nothing to rectify the situation.

I felt anxiety hoping that it was still there
caught in the trees
and that at some point
I would bring it back to me.
All day I was feeling ungrounded, unsure,
a bit grumpy.

At dusk I met my husband in the forest
I came armed with a ladder, gloves, two headlamps,
a telescoping pole, an X-acto knife, duct tape.

He brought the telescoping tree trimmer
from our old house
and we got creative with the duct tape,
strapping the two poles together
to reach the twenty five feet
from ground to kite.

I held the ladder as he prodded at the branches,
the kite steadfastly stuck,
held in place by its string
that had become even more tangled
in the stirring wind.

The unwieldy pole wasn’t working so well.
The light grew dim and we tried
several configurations
before the winning moment finally arrived.

A branch was broken,
he said “Cover your head!”
and down it came,
still trapped in the branch,
waiting to come back home.

As I disentangled the man-made beauty
from Mother Nature’s death grip,
I felt the pieces of my soul coming back together.
No need for a shaman.
Just give me a kite and my soul feels whole.

*****************
Following yesterday’s experience, I’ll probably not lend out any of my or my children’s things unless I have a signed contract stipulating that the borrower will replace loss or damaged items.  Which means I will probably never again lend out my stuff to people I don’t know. Oh, the humanity!  I thought I could trust in basic human goodness…but yesterday’s experience got me thinking a little deeper.  I still will trust, but not in the naive way I was trusting before.

On another note, I don’t mean to say that the loss of the kite yesterday was a deeply traumatic or soul-shattering event, and I certainly don’t mean to trivialize such events for people who are going through seriously difficult times…but a part of me felt fragmented, and retrieving the kite felt like retrieving a part of myself…the part that flies, that believes, that perseveres. I’m thankful for this experience.

Such a Joy Being a Student Again

Standard

It is such a joy
being a student again.

Tonight
I didn’t have to speak–
I could listen
I didn’t have to watch
anyone else–
I could watch myself.
I didn’t have to plan a class
or walk around
making sure everyone
was focusing on their practice–
I could focus on my own practice,
my own body, my own breath.

It felt like a vacation!
I laughed,
I felt delighted.
It all felt so playful and free.

It is such a joy
being a student again.

Back to the Drawing Board

Standard

Upon further research I discovered
that the business school I mentioned last night
is not what I thought it was.
There is some disappointment,
but mostly relief,
that I won’t be enrolling in the training,
Won’t become a member of
“a large community of entrepreneurs”
who would purportedly support me in my creative endeavors
and provide suggestions for building my business.

But when the entrepreneurs end up being
affiliate marketers who get paid $1000
every time they refer someone who joins,

I can recognize that this is not the kind
of entrepreneurial spirit that my soul craves.

It also helps to have a very logical,
hardworking, down to earth husband
who can smell a MLM scheme
from a mile away.

It’s not like I would’ve plunked down
$2000 without first discussing it with the hubby,
but the marketing was brilliant,
and I thought I was going to learn
how to construct an in-home business,
be a better mom, wife
be more patient, enthusiastic about life,
feel freer, more artistically alive.

Wouldn’t YOU join if you thought
the training would deliver such happiness?

I was getting close to signing up,
and my husband smelled something fishy.
Together we researched the school online,
and rediscovered that things aren’t always what they seem.
Together we took a stand.
No get rich quick plans
No too good to be true claims
No beautifully filmed testimonials
designed to get me wanting something I don’t have.

All of the power is within, and all the love–
no need to search for it outside.

I think I dodged a bullet this time.
Back to the drawing board, my friends.