Tag Archives: responsibilities

Can You Sing this Song Too?

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The story was
I am tired
But there was a lot to do,
so I pushed through.
As I completed task after task,
I began to wonder
Where does the mental fatigue end
and the true physical fatigue begin?

There is something that was tired in my mind
It wanted me to be able to rest,
to just lie there and do nothing,
to not have to be so responsible.

But this is the same part of me
that would tell me that I wasn’t a good mother or wife
If I didn’t do the dishes, the laundry, the vacuuming,
the meal preparation, the organization, the tidying.
I chose to not be caught in that old trap,
because I’ve been there many times before.
It taught me what I needed to know,
and now I don’t need it anymore.

My job today was to focus on the task in front of me
And this is what I did
The story
I’m tired
Began to melt away
as I forgot myself in the present moment.

I accomplished more than I thought possible
with no stories, no resentment,
no feelings of being put upon
or keeping a tally
or being entitled to something better
than what this moment offers.

And now, at the end of the long day,
here I am,
suddenly with some time to myself.
My mind wasn’t burdened with those old stories today
And so now there is lightness, and space,
and the energy to sing my true song–
one of the lightness of being,
of gratitude, infinite energy,
contentment, peace.

Breathe deeply and slowly
and you will hear it too

My song is the same as yours
the same as all the world
as all the universe.
It is the song of being,
there is only one song.
Can you listen–
and with your silence,
can you sing this song too? 

Getting Better

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I’m almost better.  My husband was home today, so I was actually able to rest for a good part of the morning.  What a luxury, to lie in bed when normally I would be running around after a toddler, fixing lunch, doing laundry, picking up the piles of toys that are constantly strewn about in the wake of my four year old.  It was so nice to lie there and just be still, and wait for my body to feel better.  There was significant snowfall from the night before, and my daughter’s preschool was closed, so no one had to be anywhere else besides home.  As I lie in bed this morning, and as my husband did all the chasing and corralling that I normally do,  I noticed myself feeling perturbed by the level of noise achieved by my offspring, so I reached for some earplugs.  I rolled back over on my side, pulled the covers up to my nose, and reveled in the absolute deliciousness of stillness.   But what was that sound?  Yep, I could still hear the little buggers through the ear plugs.  Maybe the noise wasn’t gone completely, but it was significantly reduced.  Ahh, peace and quiet(ish).

All of the yoga studios were closed until 4pm due to the inclement weather.  The city studios reopened at 4pm; a lot of students live in walking distance and look forward to their yoga class, even if a foot of snow has fallen. I teach two classes in one of the city studios on Thursday nights, and was able to sub both classes out to a teacher willing to give prenatal and restorative yoga a try.  It took me a while to write out detailed sequences for both classes, and I was reminded of my days of elementary school teaching and the sub plans I would leave if I was sick and needed to take off work.  It was a relief to know that the classes were in good hands, that I could focus on healing, that I wouldn’t have to venture out driving into the Baltimore winter wonderland (our street had seen nary a plow all day).

There’s more snow falling now, and my husband seems to be coming down with the flu I had the last few days.  Tomorrow I might have three children to take care of instead of just two.  Remember my post about the chicken soup?  If I’m given the chance to relive that scenario, maybe I’ll have a better attitude from the get go.  Maybe.

I’m still working on feeling better.  Sickness reminds me how grateful I am for health.  This sickness brought me the gift of a yoga student friend who showed up in my darkest hour and relieved me of my responsibilities for a window of time, so that I could focus on feeling better…or at least just be still for a while.  What a generous offering.  I continue to be so deeply touched by her gesture, the proof that I am not alone, evidence that someone cares.

My body is tired from fighting this illness, and my mind is tired from this day. I was back to being my mom self by noon; lunch needed to be made and the hubby was shoveling the foot of wet, heavy snow off of our sidewalk and putting considerable effort into digging out the cars.  I was back to the laundry and chasing the boy child around, helping the four year old out of her pee pants for the fourth time today–you know, the usual mom stuff.

I’m glad I had twenty-one hours to recuperate.  Twenty-one whole hours! I wonder what it would be like to have a full day off–but beggars, as they say, can’t be choosers.

I’ll be back to feeling like myself soon.  Night night.