Tag Archives: responsibility

Can of Worms

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Woke up this morning,
said to myself
It’s time to apply for unemployment.
Right in the middle,
the website crashed.
I couldn’t log on to my kids’ iPad
to install the Kids’ Messenger app
because I had forgotten my
Apple ID password,
and there was a whole process involved to reset it.
Then I couldn’t log on to my Human Resources account
to cash in my ONE hour of paid sick leave
and this is after going back and forth via email
with someone from HR this whole week.
Then my friend told me an email she sent
got bounced back…
one of my email accounts has a totally full inbox.
I’m thinking to myself,
Screw technology.
I mean, really all that happened
is that I’m home and finally have the time
to take the lid off this can of worms.
Ew.
Technology feels gross right now.
But it’s the only way to stay connected right now.
So I need to get over myself
and just handle this can of worms.

Gratitude, Day 33 of 48: Freedom

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I have this power to choose
and I choose freedom.
I choose to see how inextricably connected
I am with All That Is
and to communicate deeply with consciousness
as it presents itself in the present moment.
I choose to surrender into being
to dissolve the illusion of confinement within me
so that I can truly experience the ultimate freedom.
I let go of my definition of this moment.
What arrives is truth, reality, the freedom to be
exactly who I am, accepting my humanity,
in love with life the way it is…

Feel So Much

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I take a breath.
This moment is good.
I choose to meet it with gratitude.
Not fighting, but accepting this moment,
choosing how to act, what to say.
Sometimes I’m not ready
for this level of responsibility.
Sometimes I’m full of joy and gratitude
for this opportunity to grow and evolve.
Sometimes I move from
deepest sorrow
to bubbly happiness
within seconds.
This is what it is to be human,
able to feel so much.

Life is Asking All of Us

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Choosing clarity over comfort
and service over self-indulgence,
knowing that short-term pleasure
eats into long term success…
I think about what makes a leader a leader.
Beyond the roles we play
and the hats we don,
what is our true identity?
The moment we breathe slowly and deeply
we enter into the field of presence
that was never given
and can never be taken away.
I look up to anyone
who can enter this field
and show me how to arrive there
without tricks or gimmicks,
without bypassing or denial.
If I cannot find such a one to lead me,
I must become a leader myself.
And in today’s world, rife with chaos,
fraught with trauma,
I think that this is precisely
what Life is asking all of us to do.

Stronger

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Overcoming the old programming
by taking action
in direct opposition to the fear.
I was told I was terrible with money
so I retaliate with a budget.
I was told I was lazy,
so my answer is hustling with all I got.
I was told I was a squatter,
so I found my own place to live.
I was told to get a real job
so I tripled my work
at the job I already had.
Go ahead. Keep talking.
Every criticism makes me stronger.

Which Choice To Make

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Sitting in ceremony this weekend,
I realized how very much my mind
still wants this moment to show up differently
and how much suffering
this wanting things to be different
stirs up in my life.
If I could only love and accept this moment as it is,
how would my experience be different?
Could I soften into this beauty?
Could I accept my own wholeness, my completeness?
Could I love this journey I’m on,
and learn to accept that uncertainty
is an integral part of the adventure?
I’m walking on the razor’s edge
between acceptance and resistance,
every moment, between peace and suffering.
I see how much choice I have,
and how much responsibility
to make the choice that will help and heal
instead of hurt and hinder.
As a mother, the choice becomes even more impactful.
My kids are watching me make meaning
out of all of these life experiences.
I’m teaching them every moment
how to love or how to fear this life.
God, please show me how to love.
God, show me how to love this life,
so that by the time my kids are my age,
they’ll know which choice to make.

The Beauty of My Aloneness

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Sometimes I wonder
how you could go from
I love you
to It’s over.
But that’s exactly what happened,
from one month to the next…
And yes,
nearly two years later,
I’m still wondering.
I’ve read another book,
The Way of the Superior Man,* by David Deida.
(You told me I read too many books,
but then I think you watch way too much TV.)
I flagged each sentence
that shed light on what went wrong
in our marriage.
I’ll go back and reread what I’ve flagged,
memorize the passages,
so that never again
will I share my heart
with a weak man,
a man who blames his woman
for his shortcomings,
a man who defends his mediocrity
by rescinding his responsibility.
I’ll read every book I can get my hands on
about cultivating a healthy relationship with myself
and healthy relationships with others.
I’m becoming quite an educated woman.
The beauty of my aloneness
is that I get to dream of being
with someone who deserves me,
and I get to cultivate the deep sense of worthiness
that will draw him to me.
I’m still healing from the wounds you inflicted
when you left our marriage in such a cowardly way.
Eventually, though,
when I’m with a beautiful, strong man
who loves and appreciates my deeply feminine core,
I’ll thank you for giving up,
because I know I was worth so much more.

*I cannot recommend this book highly enough. It resonated so deeply and clarified so much. I’ve never felt so vindicated, seen, heard and understood. Ladies, every one of you, please read this book. Gentlemen, every one of you, please read this book.