Sitting in ceremony this weekend,
I realized how very much my mind
still wants this moment to show up differently
and how much suffering
this wanting things to be different
stirs up in my life.
If I could only love and accept this moment as it is,
how would my experience be different?
Could I soften into this beauty?
Could I accept my own wholeness, my completeness?
Could I love this journey I’m on,
and learn to accept that uncertainty
is an integral part of the adventure?
I’m walking on the razor’s edge
between acceptance and resistance,
every moment, between peace and suffering.
I see how much choice I have,
and how much responsibility
to make the choice that will help and heal
instead of hurt and hinder.
As a mother, the choice becomes even more impactful.
My kids are watching me make meaning
out of all of these life experiences.
I’m teaching them every moment
how to love or how to fear this life.
God, please show me how to love.
God, show me how to love this life,
so that by the time my kids are my age,
they’ll know which choice to make.
Sometimes I wonder
how you could go from
I love you
to It’s over.
But that’s exactly what happened,
from one month to the next…
nearly two years later,
I’m still wondering.
I’ve read another book,
The Way of the Superior Man,* by David Deida.
(You told me I read too many books,
but then I think you watch way too much TV.)
I flagged each sentence
that shed light on what went wrong
in our marriage.
I’ll go back and reread what I’ve flagged,
memorize the passages,
so that never again
will I share my heart
with a weak man,
a man who blames his woman
for his shortcomings,
a man who defends his mediocrity
by rescinding his responsibility.
I’ll read every book I can get my hands on
about cultivating a healthy relationship with myself
and healthy relationships with others.
I’m becoming quite an educated woman.
The beauty of my aloneness
is that I get to dream of being
with someone who deserves me,
and I get to cultivate the deep sense of worthiness
that will draw him to me.
I’m still healing from the wounds you inflicted
when you left our marriage in such a cowardly way.
when I’m with a beautiful, strong man
who loves and appreciates my deeply feminine core,
I’ll thank you for giving up,
because I know I was worth so much more.
*I cannot recommend this book highly enough. It resonated so deeply and clarified so much. I’ve never felt so vindicated, seen, heard and understood. Ladies, every one of you, please read this book. Gentlemen, every one of you, please read this book.
Both of my kids are in bed.
We had a great night;
coaxed them through homework,
they ate a good dinner,
Then we read two chapters
of Prince Caspian
and now they’re in bed.
I’m feeling like a successful
single mother right about now.
I was at home,
and it struck me…
If I’m feeling bad
and there is no one around,
I’m the one making myself feel bad.
If I’m feeling good
and there is no one around
I’m the one making myself feel good.
My thoughts are determining how I feel,
and this is true,
but only 100% of the time.
If this is true
when I am alone,
then it is true
when I am with others.
I can blame others
for making me feel a certain way,
but in the end,
I choose how I feel inside myself
based on how I respond
to the external circumstances of my life.
That sure is a lot of responsibility…
No wonder so few people take it.
The responsibility of privilege is absolute integrity.
If we weren’t challenged,
how would we ever know our own strength?
If we didn’t know fear,
how would we find our courage?
If we didn’t experience outrage
how could we tap into our sense of justice?
These times, these difficult times,
are unfolding exactly they way they should.
Let us not fight reality,
reality will always, always win.
Instead let us wake up.
Let us see the opportunities
raining down all around us,
quenching our thirst to know who we really are.
Now is not the time to recoil in horror;
now is the time to stand up and take action.
We are the leaders we have been searching for.
Let us elect ourselves to do the work we were meant to do.
Let us set the example of peace,
of good relations,
of environmental responsibility,
of love and forgiveness, compassion and understanding.
Yes, we are all leaders.
Now, my friends, let us lead.
Oh ye who do not believe in climate change,
who sacrifice the future of coming generations
with your fixation on short term profits,
It may not seem as though you are connected
to us “little” people, the animals, the mountains,
the oceans, the sky, the forests, the deserts,
but you are a strand in this web of life,
and what you do affects all of us,
and it affects you too.
You will never become happy
by owning the earth
or buying a yacht
or a private jet
or a public office–
in the end, there is no end to greed
and all of your desires end up
You are a strand in this web of life;
every breath, every thought, every word,
every action has an impact on all of us.
The time is drawing near
when you can no longer deny
what science has proven again and again.
Wake up, wake up, wake up!
Look at what we have to lose
because of your shortsightedness!
Look farther into the future;
look into the eyes of your
Think of them the next time
you decide to use our mother’s gifts
for your own selfish interests.
Open your eyes and see,
listen, and hear,
smell and taste and feel–
all of this has given you life.
It is time for you to give back.
Today’s NaPoWriMo prompt invited us to write a georgic. I don’t think I wrote a georgic, but I did write something in honor of the earth and Earth Day. May we all join together in preserving our precious Mother Earth for future generations. May all beings be at peace.