Tag Archives: salvation

Not Today

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I was down again today.
Tired.
Had a spat with my sister,
was triggered, lost it.
I slammed and screamed
around my house
like a lunatic.
I took a bath seething
hotter than the steaming water.
Then, exhaustion.
I felt weary, alone,
and so completely low.
I wrote to God,
asking him to strike me down.
I asked What’s the point
of struggling like this?
I asked Why should I
keep suffering like this?
I told God I was so tired
of all of it. I told God
I was ready to die.
Then I cried
and cried and cried
some more.
I texted a friend.
No answer.
I spoke briefly with my mother.
She didn’t know what to say.
I hung up and cried more.
I tried texting my friend again.
No answer. Again.
More crying.
Crying in my kitchen.
Crying the laundry room.
Crying in the hall.
Crying in my bedroom.
Crying until I was blind.
Finally I tried another friend.
She said, “Wanna bring your kids over for pizza?”
Thank you God.
I guess today isn’t the day to die.

We’ll Save Ourselves

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And then I took my mom out
for her birthday.
We went to a nice restaurant,
ate a decadent meal.
Then I took her out
for some live bluegrass,
and I played the spoons.
We sang.
We danced.
And I saw…
We are all searching for something.
We are all looking everywhere
for the most obvious thing
that is always right where we are.
If we can just find it where it is
(right inside us)
we’ll save ourselves
a heap of trouble.
The question is,
do you want to save yourself?

Art Salvation

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Allowing my creativity to flow
without making a big deal about it…
No pressure, not trying to impress anyone,
just trying to save my own life
through color, texture, and the freedom
to bring my inner world outside
where it can dance, breathe,
and be painted into being.
I never knew that such simplicity
could yield salvation,
but here I sit feeling grateful
to have another day
to pick up my pen, my brush,
and remember the voice
that quietly speaks within me.