Tag Archives: search

This Is True

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On the eve of my 41st birthday
and I’m feeling depressed.
My life has fallen apart,
husband with another woman…
they’re out tonight
at a Passover Seder,
at the home of a couple
who used to be my friends;
now they’ve accepted her as his,
and I am home with our children,
picking up the pieces of our wrecked life,
trying to maintain stability for them…
and I feel angry.
I feel hurt.
I feel betrayed, abandoned, discarded.
I want to be heard.
I want to be held.
I want to be seen.
I want a wise old grandma
to pull me into her lap,
to rock me, and hush me,
and tell me I am safe,
and all is well.
But there is no grandma here…
only me and my kids.
I search for meaning
as my fingers dance across keys,
sending words out
into a world of people
I most likely will never meet.
Who hears this?
Who cares?
Who knows this pain?
Who can tell me
that things will get better?
Who can convince me
that this is true?

The Life That I’m Living

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I keep searching and searching for meaning.
I want to understand.
I think I’ve found something,
and the understanding melts away
to reveal still more questions
a deeper search, an endless journey.
Could I embrace the process of becoming?
Could I stop asking myself to arrive
and instead be content with each small step?
In the infinite realm of possibility
that is this Universe,
there is no end point,
just a constant cycling and recycling
of energy and experiences.
Even death is just another beginning.
So can I let go of the story
that I need some neat, tidy resolution
to the life I’ve lived thus far,
and simply love and embrace
the life I’m living right now?

Live Something Deeper

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I search for meaning
and I come up with something
that feels right.
If I’m awake,
I don’t expect anyone else
to agree with the meaning I’ve made.
If I’m asleep,
I become defensive
when others disagree,
and disagree they will…
Because everyone, everywhere
is always making their own meaning.
This is what we are, essentially:
beings making meaning.
But take note:
Beyond the meaning we have made,
there is this divine moment,
existing free of labels,
independent of our judgments,
utterly untarnished by our analyses.
The wisest among us
are able to stay with the moment
and maybe steer us back
when we get caught up
in the meaning we have made.
God bless those who know how to live
in this divine perfect moment,
who can transcend the personal meaning
and live something deeper.

A Life Well-Lived

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There are always reasons to be grateful;
search for them if they’re not obvious.
It will always be worth your effort
to search for reasons to be grateful
rather than dwelling on reasons to complain.
It may sound simple,
but sometimes the simplest truths
are the most challenging to apply in real life.
Dedicate your life to living this truth.
It will be a life well-lived.

This Being

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I am not who I think I am–
I am more than thought.

I am not who I see
when I look into the bathroom mirror.

I am not the voice I hear
when I speak.

I am not the skin covering these bones,
I am not the scent arising from this body.

I am not the taste in my mouth
nor any words I can speak about myself.

I am more than words,
more than understanding.
More than my name,
my jobs, my relationships.

More than my hopes and my fears,
more than my goals, dreams, aspirations.

Who am I?

I cannot say, because the Divine Self
has no words to define it, no boundaries.

Who am I?

How can I find myself
in the vast ocean of consciousness?

If I am searching,
I look away from where I am.

Let me stop the search.
There is only this now moment.
This being.